Maybe I'll get a goat to...
So I might get a Job with Jamie. That would be really sweet, not like I have been working towards that for 5 years or anything. She atleast has decided to pay me for my help this summer, that will be good.
It is wierd that I can't wait to settle down and own my own house? It's like the thing I want most from like is to have a nice house that is my own with my 10 acres, my 2 horses and my 5 dogs. That sounds really nice to me. I'm starting to think I don't need anything else. I have good friends, and I know that even when they are all married with kids we will still make the phone calls to stay in touch, and maybe I will have some new friends as well that are independent from men and enjoy female friends on the weekends and living in thier houses during the week.
I guess I will be that girl who has no food in her fridge and an extensive liquor selection in the closet, and I will spend my evenings reading books and working on my training techniques. Maybe I will even write myself since I am an english major.
Every once in a while I will think back to those silly days of my youth when I thought love was something everyone could find. I will remember my foolishness when I got something too soon and didn't know how to handle it yet, and then I will laugh about how I thought I was going to fall in love with and spend the rest of my life with the guy I used to dream about, and after that I will reminiss about all those times I dealt with something real and it proved to be a silly tangent to the things that are really important, like loving yourself.
If something little like looking for love makes me feel so horrible about myself and puts me in this hopeless depressing place than why do I keep doing it? Love hasn't given me anything good in so long so why do I keep putting up with all the shit? I don't even get to the honnymoon period before it smacks me in the face so why do I keep doing this? What is so great about having someone to love? I mean once I had something really good, but even then I ended with the same horrible self-doubting feeling. Do I only keep going back because it is ingrained in our minds from birth that we need to go forth and multiply? I don't even know if I want to multiply so why do I need the part that comes before the multiplying? It seems foolish to me to put so much energy into something that makes me feel so awful about myself when the reprocussions aren't even worth it? I love myself so much, and it is so important for me to love myself, and I need to stop ending up in situations where I doubt the quality of who I am. If you can't trust yourself then you have nothing.
It is wierd that I can't wait to settle down and own my own house? It's like the thing I want most from like is to have a nice house that is my own with my 10 acres, my 2 horses and my 5 dogs. That sounds really nice to me. I'm starting to think I don't need anything else. I have good friends, and I know that even when they are all married with kids we will still make the phone calls to stay in touch, and maybe I will have some new friends as well that are independent from men and enjoy female friends on the weekends and living in thier houses during the week.
I guess I will be that girl who has no food in her fridge and an extensive liquor selection in the closet, and I will spend my evenings reading books and working on my training techniques. Maybe I will even write myself since I am an english major.
Every once in a while I will think back to those silly days of my youth when I thought love was something everyone could find. I will remember my foolishness when I got something too soon and didn't know how to handle it yet, and then I will laugh about how I thought I was going to fall in love with and spend the rest of my life with the guy I used to dream about, and after that I will reminiss about all those times I dealt with something real and it proved to be a silly tangent to the things that are really important, like loving yourself.
If something little like looking for love makes me feel so horrible about myself and puts me in this hopeless depressing place than why do I keep doing it? Love hasn't given me anything good in so long so why do I keep putting up with all the shit? I don't even get to the honnymoon period before it smacks me in the face so why do I keep doing this? What is so great about having someone to love? I mean once I had something really good, but even then I ended with the same horrible self-doubting feeling. Do I only keep going back because it is ingrained in our minds from birth that we need to go forth and multiply? I don't even know if I want to multiply so why do I need the part that comes before the multiplying? It seems foolish to me to put so much energy into something that makes me feel so awful about myself when the reprocussions aren't even worth it? I love myself so much, and it is so important for me to love myself, and I need to stop ending up in situations where I doubt the quality of who I am. If you can't trust yourself then you have nothing.