burden to myself
omg ... if it isn't one thing, it's another. and no one will let me say anything. so i keep it to myself and i hide it and talk to one person about it. that one person listens and i appreiciate it so much, b/c they don't make me feel like an ass or get upset with me. i am so sick of people. i just want to stay home for a few days, but there is no way in hell mom or dad would let me, no matter the circumstance. i was actually thinking about it the other day and i realized how bad i want ot move away from here. i have caused so much shit for myself here, i wish i could move away and start all over with out anyone knowing me. but it won't happen and i don't want to leave my friends anyways. my mom nad dad want to move to north carolina and now i am thinking, "hey it may not be so bad." but i can't leave all my friends. that would be hell for me. i can't leave these people. i hate it here and i hate what i have done for myself. i wish i could have moved to hawaii a couple years ago, like me and my parents were going to, but that was before i had so much shit going on. that was before i cut. it seems that everything went downhill since i started cutting. great. but moving to hawaii then wouldn't be as bad as it would be to move there now. i just want to leave. but i won't tell my paretns that because then we may leave and i don't want that. wow, that makes no sense... i do want ot leave but if we were actually going to, i wouldn't want to. i just want to be happy. that is all i want. what did i do to not deserve happiness??? WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I HAVE IT??? i want too many things that i can't have ... like happiness, (this is a person, who shall remain unamed), and no problems, well not NO problems but minimal. i am tired of feeling like a burden to people as much as they tell me i'm not. i feel a burden to my family and friends. especailly my parents and closest friends...