Down and out without the beginning
There's a time between the lessons learned about love
But simply because you'd like to know
What it truly feels like to be heard over heels [heals...it does take time]
For someone you barely know
That's part of the process
At least we'd like to think.
We all make promises we can't keep
But that's life.
It's a summer we hope never ends
Sweet decline
A sense of forever
That gives you butterflies.
We're all completely niave
And in love with being young.
It warms my heart just to know that we've evolved this far
To say that it's just life.
You know you're living life when it justifies by you
Everyday is a blur
Absorbed by the years gone by.
I can tell you this much;
Door after door has been opened
Each offering an opportunity different from the rest
Mom tells me
"Settle down young lady, you'll find yourself at the end of the tunnel soon enough. You'll find yourself wondering 'Where the hell did my life go?'"
I didn't waste it away, Ma.
So far
I've made the best of what I've been handed
And yes
I've left you wondering
"How is this daughter of mine still alive?"
I'm breathing
Warm blooded
And most importantly, awake.
I would rather be living at odds with myself, indecisive: that package
Than to live a lie.
Everyone believes.
In something.
It's what we're fighting for.
There are those days.
Where I wonder endlessly.
If you still find yourself reading my "About me"
Or if you think about calling me,
Just to check in.
I know I've said these exact, pathetic words before.
But I don't find myself hesitating to say them again.
There are days.
When I've wasted my hours away
Wondering where we went wrong.
But I remember, I recall
We just grew.
We changed.
And that truth in itself
Is difficult for me to accept.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm living in an illusion.
Sometimes I wonder if I keep avoiding everything around me
By wrapping myself up in a chemical blanket.
One that is not truly my own.
I would never tell you that I think about you sometimes.
I've gotten the same response over and over.
That is, I've told you that I've missed you
And you just say "Seitz, I have a girlfriend."
Yes, this is true.
But I never saw harm in telling truth.
And now I do.
Because there is no answer I want to hear.
And yet there is.
Everything he and I have.
Is much like the happiness that we experienced together.
Sometimes it makes me think of you
And feel the need to call you up.
But instead
I chain smoke my American Spirits
Remembering the days
Where not only did I have a bigger lung capacity
But when I was young, niave and in love.
With someone who I thought I knew.
But truth speaks
And tells me, "you had no idea who he was, nor did you know who you were."
I hate to think of it that way.
Keep me in your heart.
Keep me in your mind.
And I'll remember to remember you.
I'll never forget you
Without a doubt.
But
A part of me so desperately wants to.
And I scrawl my life out on a paper
Despair.
She waits patiently.
I'm not that girl you thought you knew.
You met me at an interesting time.
You both did.
I thought that I loved him, the one right after.
But there was so much friendship engrained
That it couldn't possibly be more than just that.
Psychology says its so.
It's justified.
And I dream.
I dream of days when....
When everything wasn't as it seemed.
You only remember the good things.
So I wear the bracelet
As a reminder
To say, be careful with your heart.
Be careful with his
Because
I don't trust myself with loving you.
I'm in such a rut in some aspects.
Thinking about those days
When life was lighter
When I was lighter.
When things were different.
And yet there's no avoiding.
The past is in the past.
And I'm done.
Yuck. What an emotional day.
Happy halloween though!
But simply because you'd like to know
What it truly feels like to be heard over heels [heals...it does take time]
For someone you barely know
That's part of the process
At least we'd like to think.
We all make promises we can't keep
But that's life.
It's a summer we hope never ends
Sweet decline
A sense of forever
That gives you butterflies.
We're all completely niave
And in love with being young.
It warms my heart just to know that we've evolved this far
To say that it's just life.
You know you're living life when it justifies by you
Everyday is a blur
Absorbed by the years gone by.
I can tell you this much;
Door after door has been opened
Each offering an opportunity different from the rest
Mom tells me
"Settle down young lady, you'll find yourself at the end of the tunnel soon enough. You'll find yourself wondering 'Where the hell did my life go?'"
I didn't waste it away, Ma.
So far
I've made the best of what I've been handed
And yes
I've left you wondering
"How is this daughter of mine still alive?"
I'm breathing
Warm blooded
And most importantly, awake.
I would rather be living at odds with myself, indecisive: that package
Than to live a lie.
Everyone believes.
In something.
It's what we're fighting for.
There are those days.
Where I wonder endlessly.
If you still find yourself reading my "About me"
Or if you think about calling me,
Just to check in.
I know I've said these exact, pathetic words before.
But I don't find myself hesitating to say them again.
There are days.
When I've wasted my hours away
Wondering where we went wrong.
But I remember, I recall
We just grew.
We changed.
And that truth in itself
Is difficult for me to accept.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm living in an illusion.
Sometimes I wonder if I keep avoiding everything around me
By wrapping myself up in a chemical blanket.
One that is not truly my own.
I would never tell you that I think about you sometimes.
I've gotten the same response over and over.
That is, I've told you that I've missed you
And you just say "Seitz, I have a girlfriend."
Yes, this is true.
But I never saw harm in telling truth.
And now I do.
Because there is no answer I want to hear.
And yet there is.
Everything he and I have.
Is much like the happiness that we experienced together.
Sometimes it makes me think of you
And feel the need to call you up.
But instead
I chain smoke my American Spirits
Remembering the days
Where not only did I have a bigger lung capacity
But when I was young, niave and in love.
With someone who I thought I knew.
But truth speaks
And tells me, "you had no idea who he was, nor did you know who you were."
I hate to think of it that way.
Keep me in your heart.
Keep me in your mind.
And I'll remember to remember you.
I'll never forget you
Without a doubt.
But
A part of me so desperately wants to.
And I scrawl my life out on a paper
Despair.
She waits patiently.
I'm not that girl you thought you knew.
You met me at an interesting time.
You both did.
I thought that I loved him, the one right after.
But there was so much friendship engrained
That it couldn't possibly be more than just that.
Psychology says its so.
It's justified.
And I dream.
I dream of days when....
When everything wasn't as it seemed.
You only remember the good things.
So I wear the bracelet
As a reminder
To say, be careful with your heart.
Be careful with his
Because
I don't trust myself with loving you.
I'm in such a rut in some aspects.
Thinking about those days
When life was lighter
When I was lighter.
When things were different.
And yet there's no avoiding.
The past is in the past.
And I'm done.
Yuck. What an emotional day.
Happy halloween though!