No weeping, no hurt or pain; No suffering, You hold me now.
I had my first surgery yesterday.
It was an incredibly overwhelming experience.
Ive been meditating on Psalm 139 lately, and just generally exploring the sovereignty of God.
And the idea that every day has been foreordained before one came to pass.
That God has complete knowledge of every event; past, presently unfolding, and those yet to come.
So as I sat in the waiting room, I wondered; why this day?
Why did God choose this day to be apart of my story...
As the surgeon and assistant came in and numbed my side, preparing to remove a large portion of my skin.. I found myself overwhelmed by fear, anxiety, and anger.
I was angry because my body was defected, and I was suddenly aware of how truly fragile my body is. It was at risk for death (however unlikely that may be, it is still a risk involved), or serious pain if the disease unfolded, and I had NO control over the situation whatsoever. Its like my body has a mind of its own, choosing to do whatever it wants..
I was fearful of the potential pain. One, I didn't trust the anesthetics. She just shot me up and then she wanted to start cutting right away. AND to top it all off I was awake during the entire procedure......
And I was anxious for obvious reasons.
I put in my iPod and landed on some Hillsong.. the shuffle landed on You Hold Me Now...
and this is why this day was placed strategically in my story.
As I listened to the lyrics of the song, my mind wandered to eternity.
The entire song is written about longing for heaven.
The pain that I was feeling is not natural. My body is not created for pain, and with all of creation it groans to be redeemed, and transformed into a glorious form.
While laying on that surgical table I found myself engulfed in worship, longing deeply for my Savior to transform my body.
I found myself yearning for heaven
and in the midst of pain, fear, and discomfort I found myself COMFORTED in the hope of what is yet to come.
The reality is our pain drives us to praise God, draws us into Him. He is our refuge, our help in times of trouble, discomfort, uncertainty, and pain. The entire situation yesterday was a reminder to set my sights on heavenly things, and to keep myself from investing all of who I am on this earth.
"We cannot look fixedly on Christ & the world; the eye cannot look upwards & downwards at once in a direct line." -Issac Ambrose
Thankful that God uses unexpected situations to remind us of the Truth.
It was an incredibly overwhelming experience.
Ive been meditating on Psalm 139 lately, and just generally exploring the sovereignty of God.
And the idea that every day has been foreordained before one came to pass.
That God has complete knowledge of every event; past, presently unfolding, and those yet to come.
So as I sat in the waiting room, I wondered; why this day?
Why did God choose this day to be apart of my story...
As the surgeon and assistant came in and numbed my side, preparing to remove a large portion of my skin.. I found myself overwhelmed by fear, anxiety, and anger.
I was angry because my body was defected, and I was suddenly aware of how truly fragile my body is. It was at risk for death (however unlikely that may be, it is still a risk involved), or serious pain if the disease unfolded, and I had NO control over the situation whatsoever. Its like my body has a mind of its own, choosing to do whatever it wants..
I was fearful of the potential pain. One, I didn't trust the anesthetics. She just shot me up and then she wanted to start cutting right away. AND to top it all off I was awake during the entire procedure......
And I was anxious for obvious reasons.
I put in my iPod and landed on some Hillsong.. the shuffle landed on You Hold Me Now...
and this is why this day was placed strategically in my story.
As I listened to the lyrics of the song, my mind wandered to eternity.
The entire song is written about longing for heaven.
The pain that I was feeling is not natural. My body is not created for pain, and with all of creation it groans to be redeemed, and transformed into a glorious form.
While laying on that surgical table I found myself engulfed in worship, longing deeply for my Savior to transform my body.
I found myself yearning for heaven
and in the midst of pain, fear, and discomfort I found myself COMFORTED in the hope of what is yet to come.
The reality is our pain drives us to praise God, draws us into Him. He is our refuge, our help in times of trouble, discomfort, uncertainty, and pain. The entire situation yesterday was a reminder to set my sights on heavenly things, and to keep myself from investing all of who I am on this earth.
"We cannot look fixedly on Christ & the world; the eye cannot look upwards & downwards at once in a direct line." -Issac Ambrose
Thankful that God uses unexpected situations to remind us of the Truth.