My afternoon
I spent the afternoon in a hotel room with a tall, dark, young Latin manwhore, and ate his balls.
Okay, I just wanted to type that. I went to the boring bar mitzvah of my parents' friend's kid, who's in my sister's grade, so everyone there was a boring friend of my parents, some emo upper middle class seventh grade boy, my sister, and me. But there was also the son of more of my parents' friends, who's one month my junior but several inches taller, who was a friend of mine when I was little (and when I say "little" I mean "in my mother's womb, until I was 4) and who now lives in New York. Turns out, he sings, he's a RENT/Les Mis/Miss Saigon fan, and loves innuendo. So naturally, we got along. And cracked a lot of innuendo. And after heckling the emo boys dancing, and talking awhile, we went back to their hotel with them and hung out with him. And he bought some gumballs that said "Colorful Gum Balls." So he offered my sister and me some, and we chewed his balls. (He later put one in my mouth, and I provided the appropriate giggle). And basically it was a lot of innuendo, which terrified my sister ("Okay, you need to stop stroking him, NOW.") And we walked by a Petco downtown and he's like "ooh, buy me a collar and drag me around on a leash" so he became our manwhore. And then he saw a picture of a chicken, pointed to the wattle and went, "I used to think those were balls. I wanted to go up to a rooster and just kinda poke them." And I said "OHMYGOD MY MANWHORE'S LEAVING ME FOR A CHICKEN!" So my sister wants to make me a shirt that says "My manwhore left me for a chicken." He also claims his school has a Facebook group called "You're Mark Cohen from RENT? Excuse me while I take off my shirt" and he's the only male member (straight, by the way). And it was fun.
Yeah, I'm done now.
Okay, I just wanted to type that. I went to the boring bar mitzvah of my parents' friend's kid, who's in my sister's grade, so everyone there was a boring friend of my parents, some emo upper middle class seventh grade boy, my sister, and me. But there was also the son of more of my parents' friends, who's one month my junior but several inches taller, who was a friend of mine when I was little (and when I say "little" I mean "in my mother's womb, until I was 4) and who now lives in New York. Turns out, he sings, he's a RENT/Les Mis/Miss Saigon fan, and loves innuendo. So naturally, we got along. And cracked a lot of innuendo. And after heckling the emo boys dancing, and talking awhile, we went back to their hotel with them and hung out with him. And he bought some gumballs that said "Colorful Gum Balls." So he offered my sister and me some, and we chewed his balls. (He later put one in my mouth, and I provided the appropriate giggle). And basically it was a lot of innuendo, which terrified my sister ("Okay, you need to stop stroking him, NOW.") And we walked by a Petco downtown and he's like "ooh, buy me a collar and drag me around on a leash" so he became our manwhore. And then he saw a picture of a chicken, pointed to the wattle and went, "I used to think those were balls. I wanted to go up to a rooster and just kinda poke them." And I said "OHMYGOD MY MANWHORE'S LEAVING ME FOR A CHICKEN!" So my sister wants to make me a shirt that says "My manwhore left me for a chicken." He also claims his school has a Facebook group called "You're Mark Cohen from RENT? Excuse me while I take off my shirt" and he's the only male member (straight, by the way). And it was fun.
Yeah, I'm done now.