scattered thoughts
funny how sometimes things just start to fall into place.
and decisions start to become easier than i ever could have anticipated.
and feelings change with a snap of the fingers.
and it no longer seems to matter whether i do things right or wrong.
i'm still confused about what i think, what i feel. or rather, how i feel what i feel and think what i think, because this time last week i thought and felt the opposite. i'm starting to think i'm more fickle than i ever used to be. but at least it's just being fickle with my own life.
i think the summer has sorted itself out, but now i need to make some decisions known to some people who matter. i'm not scared about doing things wrong any more. i guess more afraid of letting people down. but that's not a viable fear to have. it doesn't matter. it's my life to live, my choices to make, and my regrets to have if i must have any.
in the words of the ruth ... i can only let myself down.
also. at the go! meeting tonight. i took in a photo of me and ruth and aubs from last summer when we were all wearing our spring dresses and mouse ears. and this was completely unanticipated, but as i was telling about it, and why it was the most important thing i had here, i actually started crying. those girls mean the world to me. and i don't get to see them. ever. and it's sad, very sad. i can't imagine what this last stretch of my life would have been like without them there to support me and to talk to. soooo ... thanks you guys cuz i know you'll be reading this.
and decisions start to become easier than i ever could have anticipated.
and feelings change with a snap of the fingers.
and it no longer seems to matter whether i do things right or wrong.
i'm still confused about what i think, what i feel. or rather, how i feel what i feel and think what i think, because this time last week i thought and felt the opposite. i'm starting to think i'm more fickle than i ever used to be. but at least it's just being fickle with my own life.
i think the summer has sorted itself out, but now i need to make some decisions known to some people who matter. i'm not scared about doing things wrong any more. i guess more afraid of letting people down. but that's not a viable fear to have. it doesn't matter. it's my life to live, my choices to make, and my regrets to have if i must have any.
in the words of the ruth ... i can only let myself down.
also. at the go! meeting tonight. i took in a photo of me and ruth and aubs from last summer when we were all wearing our spring dresses and mouse ears. and this was completely unanticipated, but as i was telling about it, and why it was the most important thing i had here, i actually started crying. those girls mean the world to me. and i don't get to see them. ever. and it's sad, very sad. i can't imagine what this last stretch of my life would have been like without them there to support me and to talk to. soooo ... thanks you guys cuz i know you'll be reading this.