Don't know how to feel.... or how to feel
Last Tuesday, Aaron and I went to C-Dub for the week. I was a bit irritated because I got out of lab at 8:20 and.... oh that's right, Aaron had class til 2. So I just laid around all day, waiting for him to get out of class. So a little after 2, he calls. YAY! However- he hadn't packed his stuff yet to go home, nor did he get the car filled up. So I waited yet another hour, irritatedly. We finally got on the road and headed home.
When we pulled in, Derrick pulled in behind us. :-) I don't know if I was more excited to see him or to eat some Cascarelli's pizza (which was totally heaven on earth, by the way). My mom, Aaron, Derrick and I all ate pizza. We had a craving for ice cream, so my mom and Aaron want to the store to get some ice cream while I did dishes. Derrick kept me company. After I got done, Danielle came over. The three of us sat in the kitchen talking and telling jokes. It was fun :-) Two of my favorite people. Derrick left to go meet his friends at Big Boy while my mom, Aaron, Danielle and I watched Elf. Danielle left early because she had school the next day. I ended up falling asleep during the movie, so I headed to bed super early! I'm so used to staying up SUPER late, talking online.
Wednesday I have no idea what I did. I think I slept in. Somethin' like that. I know I took forever getting around. We just kind of wasted the day, waiting for Brandon and Amanda to get home, I think. Oh, I lie. I went to the high school around 2. I wanted to go into the beloved yearbook class. I stopped to see Mr. Mullally and Mr. Tatrow as well. Awww, I miss my baldy :-) I felt so special cuz when I walked in he was like "HEY DOLL FACE! Give me just a minute!" So I waited out in the hall, talking to Ms. Kiss and Jack Tighe (who was dressed up as a turkey for thanksgiving, passing out suckers for student council). Finally, Tatrow got done explaining stuff, so he came out and was like "Hey sweetie!" We talked for quite a while. He was my favorite teacher in high school.... well, Mrs. Nichols was WAY up on the list too. I think they might have tied. Good job you two. Anyway, after talking to Tatrow, I sent turkey boy into Mr. Petzko's class to demand that Avery Dane come out in the hall. It was so nice to actually get to talk to my cousin. That kid makes my life worth while. Seriously, I love him so stinking much. We talked for a good.... wow, probably 20 minutes! I'm surprised Mr. Petzko didn't come demanding that he go back to class. The only reason he left was because he had to poop his stinky chili out while nobody was in the bathroom. Anyway :-P I seriously miss him so much. I'm glad we got to kind of catch up a little bit. I was laughing pretty hard.
Wednesday night, I'm pretty sure we just sat around hanging out with Brandon and Amanda. I talked to Amanda until probably close to 2 am. I'm glad she had her contacts out and couldn't see me, because we were talking about Mark and Derrick and I just started crying. I was trying so hard to fight the tears, but I'm trying to let myself feel and heal. I am trying to force myself to move on, but it's so hard. I grew to absolutely love Mark. I loved him despite his faults. I liked caring for him. I liked cheering him up with little notes and phone calls and unexpected "I love yous". It was all worth it when I'd go home and see him stare at me tenderly as I was watching TV. I miss him so much. I miss the good times we had. I will never ever regret the time I spent with him. I'm sure he can say the same. I've just been really emotional because I'm so scared of where he's at and what he's been up to. I hate hearing that Maggie is trying to get with him now. Even if he doesn't like her, I know that he's not in the best of shape and he could probably easily be persuaded. So anyway, Amanda and I also talked about Derrick. I started crying again as I explained how awesome of a guy he is. He treats me well. Even though we don't have a lot in common, we always find stuff to talk about. I'm the dork that had him on alert on AIM so that when he came back from being idle or came online, it'd alert me. I got excited when I saw that. I don't know where things are going; if we're just friends or if maybe God's giving us some other feelings. I totally don't want any of this to be myself, which I'm afraid it might be. I want to turn to God through this stuff, not some guy who makes me feel good about myself. Because those feelings will die someday, but I will always have God. Anyway, I was exhausted from crying, so I went up to bed.
Thursday I slept in again. :-) How awesome that felt. Well.... except I slept up on my bed, which is not the most comfortable thing, I learned. Ever since I got a down feather pillow top for my bed at school, I hate sleeping on my firm mattress at home. So I started sleeping on the couch instead. Anyway- I got up, got around and just as I finished, we headed to Amanda's house for Thanksgiving. Since my dad left last year, we had last Thanksgiving with the Labadies and decided to carry on the tradition. It was pretty fun. The cheeseball Marion orders from the hospital is AMAZING. Man alive. I think I ate a pretty good share of that! And those carrots with dip- excellent mama. I talked to Amanda and her cousin, Amy, while Marion prepared dinner and everyone else talked out in the living room. We ate around 4:30. We had turkey, sweet potato casserole, these chicken noodle things (Amazing), mashed potatoes and gravy, cheese rice & broccoli casserole, rolls....... man alive the list could go on and on and on. But I'm going to stop there, because I'm making myself hungry. :-P I ate way too much, as everyone should on Thanksgiving. So I laid down on the couch, miserably, until we left the lake to head to town. I rode in with Brandon. We talked a little bit but mostly just listened to him sing to country like a woman. :-P Haha. I miss that kid. Good times. That night, I think my mom went to bed early. Wait.... maybe we watched a movie. I don't know. I ended up going to bed early.
Friday, I got up early to let my neighbor's dogs out and feed them. I tried going back to sleep but couldn't. I got up and got around to go eat lunch with Dawn. Man, it was so good to see her. And for once, we didn't sit there in awkward silence. We talked pretty much the whole time we were at Applebee's. It was so good to spend time with her. She looked beautiful, as always. It's so funny to think I'll be 20 next year and she'll be 27! Hot mama! And to think that we've been friends for... well since I was in 4th grade. I enjoyed talking to her. I love you Dawn :-) Thanks.
After that, I was supposed to go get a pedicure with Amanda. But.... yeah, she never called me back. So Derrick and I went to Battle Creek. He picked me up and we contemplated on where to eat. I secretly wanted to eat at Don Pablos or Fazolis but he didn't believe me, so we ate at Steak N Shake. I had a BLT and strawberry/banana shake, which TOTALLY hit the spot. Man, I love BLTs and those shakes! After that, we went to the mall and walked around while I finished my shake. We walked in to a bunch of stores and just looked around, but neither of us bought anything. I wanted to get a shirt, but I know guys don't like shopping with girls so I just decided I'll go back another day. Maybe in a couple of weeks when I'm home again. I embarrassed him horribly by hugging him in the movie store. Poor guy hates hugs, and I basically tackled him. After that, we sat outside while he checked who won the Michigan game. It was definitely not Michigan who won, so he was grumpy. :-P We started walking to the car and he hugged me. :-) It was a pretty good feeling. Something just felt so right about that. I didn't want him to let go, but he did, because I'm sure he was afraid that someone would see him. :-P He even opened my car door! Hot diggity! We drove home and stopped by Big Boy to see if his friends were there. Somehow, he thinks I hate his friends, so he thought I was mad and we left to get a movie. We rented Office Space and watched it at my house with my mom and Aaron. I fell asleep during part of it, but it was funny. I'd watch it again. It'd probably be funnier the second time. When the movie was over, he went home because he was hunting the next morning with his dad. Of course I got another hug before he left. I wouldn't have let him off the hook that easily. :-P I think I went to bed after that. Wait, that's a lie. I did something but I don't remember what. I know I didn't go to bed til midnight, because Beth called from Loopers at 11:45 to see if I wanted to hang out, but they were just going to watch a movie so I figured I'd just fall asleep anyway.
Saturday..... I slept in once again. I was supposed to go get a pedicure again with Amanda, but that failed for the second time. She went furniture shopping with her dad and didnt' get home in time. I was kind of ticked, but life goes on. :-) I sat around all day until about 4. We left to go to Jackson to Red Lobster for my birthday dinner. I, of course, got the cajun chicken alfredo linguini stuff. Mmmmm that, those cheese biscuits and mozerella sticks were SO good. Wow. The conversation was fun, as always. I love my family. We know how to have fun. :-P We got Brandon good with a prank after dinner. I won't tell you about it, because I might pull it on you someday ;-) Brandon and Amanda went home to Detroit and mom, Aaron and I went home. I stayed up, bored out of my mind. Aaron was finishing his millionth episode of Smallville. He took a friend's DVD set of the first 2 seasons of that, so he was watching it like it was going out of style. He had just started a new episode at midnight so I took a bath, since I wanted to sleep in the living room on the couch. The bath was nice. I went to bed with wet hair and woke up with my hair all curly. It was cool. That's always fun to see how wild it turns out.
Sunday, we just hung around the house all day. My day actually turned sour kinda fast. As I was getting around, Mark's parents stopped by to talk to me. They told me that Mark wasn't doing too good and they were both scared. His dad said he just has some growing up to do, but he'll be fine. They didn't really inform me how serious things were. They did give me his phone # and tried getting me to go see him, but I was too scared to drive over to his uncle's to see him. His parents are so cute. They want us to be together so badly. I wish they wouldn't try so hard- I'm sure it just discourages Mark.... well.... I'll tell you about that. But yeah, I think it's cute anyway, that they love me that much and that they think I'm a good girl.
I got the guts to call Mark a couple hours later. He totally came clean with a lot of things. The reason he did grow distant is that he started using drugs again, and he didn't want me to find out. He knew that he was either choosing drugs or me. It wasn't easy for him. I know he still loves me and cares about me a lot, but he's just an addict. I've never been in his shoes, so I can't say "HOw could you!" I'm sure the temptation is STRONG. I saw him struggle with that for 6 months! Anyway, he was just telling me how much he started back into things and that he almost died the other day. I'm so scared... like times 1000 now. I care about him so much. I've never prayed so much in my entire life, than the last 3 weeks. Wow. Every time I think about him, I just have a hardcore talk with God. I want God to break his world- to the extreme if that's what it takes for Mark to realize that he needs God, not drugs. God will provide the strength he needs to turn away, but I think he is doubting God. Although I pray for the extreme, if needed, of course I don't want him to get hurt. I'm scared to death that he's going to get hurt or die. His body's already in bad condition! I had to take care of him for 6 months! I can't let go of him. I know he loves me. I know he's just stuck. He started crying because it's not that he wants to do this. He's scared to death! He's been to rehab 5 times and it didn't work. Now what? What is there left for him to do? :-( It's hard, and heartbreaking seeing him go through this. I guess I never understood him like I do now. I had a talk with my friend, Ashley, today, and yeah... wow, I cannot imagine what he's going through. And it's not his fault. I know he wants to stop! I know he sincerely wants to. Ugh, it's so frustrating. I've been pretty sad about all of this. I'm just really missing him too, as my birthday is tomorrow and I won't get to spend the holidays with him in my arms. :'( I was really looking forward to this year. And I still have so much to be thankful for, don't get me wrong, I just really wish I could spend some time with him. But he doesn't really want me to see him like this, which is understandable, but... yeah. We'll see I guess. I'm still praying for him like crazy and would greatly appreciate if you would too! Please please, please!!!!!
So yeah.... Derrick and I didn't go to bed on good terms last night. It breaks my heart because I don't know how I feel about him. I'm afraid that either I'm trying to force myself into something with him, or that I truly do have strong feelings for him and that he's not going to be there to catch me falling. He's my best friend, and it just sucks.... I've wanted to talk to him so badly all day, but I don't think he really gives a rip. :-( So if you're reading this, I'm sorry Derrick. I think we were both just not having a good day at all. I couldn't talk to you about it, because I don't know how I feel. I'm afraid that you're going to think I need time and totally just leave me. But I need you! I need your friendship right now! I want you to be my best friend! I'm sorry if I hurt you or irritated you. That's not how I intended our conversation to go. :-( I'm sorry.
And that leaves me here today... my birthday is in 2 hours. Am I excited? No. Sure it'll be cool to go out with my brother tomorrow, but I'm kind of bummed that none of my friends wanted to do anything with me for my birthday. Mark forgot about my birthday and I'm guessing he'll be too preoccupied to call tomorrow. As a matter of fact, I doubt anyone will call tomorrow. I hate celebrating your birthday with people you haven't known that long. I want to be home and celebrate with my friends and family. :-( I'm also stressing about exams and everything. I haven't been able to sleep in so long- since Mark and I "separated" over a month ago. It just sucks.... gosh it sucks. I feel like I'm carrying such a hefty load by myself. I know that God's with me, but I've sucked at spending time reading the Word. I've prayed like no other lately, mostly for others and not for myself though. Maybe I need to start praying for strength for myself! Anyway, yeah...... that's the life of Autumn lately. I feel like I'm such a pain. So I'm sorry if you suffered through my dramatic life story. I just hate feeling all alone here. I hate it. I can't wait until Christmas break when I'll be home for a month. Oh, it'll be so nice.
ANyway, I hope you're all doing well. Kevinito- thank you for your phone calls. I liked the second one. Hehe, that's so cute that you called to hug me. I miss you bro-tah. Seriously. It was nice to hear your voice too! I love you kid! Thank you for being such an awesome man in my life, and praying so sincerely for me. You're so faithful. I love it. Thank you! I don't deserve your friendship. Sky- you rock my face off too. I miss you. Seriously it's been like a week without hearing from you! I'm going through withdrawls. :-P Hope you're doing well. I love you chief! I'm praying for you ;-) And I'm signing off. I need to start some anatomy stuff..... and english, and nursing and.....
When we pulled in, Derrick pulled in behind us. :-) I don't know if I was more excited to see him or to eat some Cascarelli's pizza (which was totally heaven on earth, by the way). My mom, Aaron, Derrick and I all ate pizza. We had a craving for ice cream, so my mom and Aaron want to the store to get some ice cream while I did dishes. Derrick kept me company. After I got done, Danielle came over. The three of us sat in the kitchen talking and telling jokes. It was fun :-) Two of my favorite people. Derrick left to go meet his friends at Big Boy while my mom, Aaron, Danielle and I watched Elf. Danielle left early because she had school the next day. I ended up falling asleep during the movie, so I headed to bed super early! I'm so used to staying up SUPER late, talking online.
Wednesday I have no idea what I did. I think I slept in. Somethin' like that. I know I took forever getting around. We just kind of wasted the day, waiting for Brandon and Amanda to get home, I think. Oh, I lie. I went to the high school around 2. I wanted to go into the beloved yearbook class. I stopped to see Mr. Mullally and Mr. Tatrow as well. Awww, I miss my baldy :-) I felt so special cuz when I walked in he was like "HEY DOLL FACE! Give me just a minute!" So I waited out in the hall, talking to Ms. Kiss and Jack Tighe (who was dressed up as a turkey for thanksgiving, passing out suckers for student council). Finally, Tatrow got done explaining stuff, so he came out and was like "Hey sweetie!" We talked for quite a while. He was my favorite teacher in high school.... well, Mrs. Nichols was WAY up on the list too. I think they might have tied. Good job you two. Anyway, after talking to Tatrow, I sent turkey boy into Mr. Petzko's class to demand that Avery Dane come out in the hall. It was so nice to actually get to talk to my cousin. That kid makes my life worth while. Seriously, I love him so stinking much. We talked for a good.... wow, probably 20 minutes! I'm surprised Mr. Petzko didn't come demanding that he go back to class. The only reason he left was because he had to poop his stinky chili out while nobody was in the bathroom. Anyway :-P I seriously miss him so much. I'm glad we got to kind of catch up a little bit. I was laughing pretty hard.
Wednesday night, I'm pretty sure we just sat around hanging out with Brandon and Amanda. I talked to Amanda until probably close to 2 am. I'm glad she had her contacts out and couldn't see me, because we were talking about Mark and Derrick and I just started crying. I was trying so hard to fight the tears, but I'm trying to let myself feel and heal. I am trying to force myself to move on, but it's so hard. I grew to absolutely love Mark. I loved him despite his faults. I liked caring for him. I liked cheering him up with little notes and phone calls and unexpected "I love yous". It was all worth it when I'd go home and see him stare at me tenderly as I was watching TV. I miss him so much. I miss the good times we had. I will never ever regret the time I spent with him. I'm sure he can say the same. I've just been really emotional because I'm so scared of where he's at and what he's been up to. I hate hearing that Maggie is trying to get with him now. Even if he doesn't like her, I know that he's not in the best of shape and he could probably easily be persuaded. So anyway, Amanda and I also talked about Derrick. I started crying again as I explained how awesome of a guy he is. He treats me well. Even though we don't have a lot in common, we always find stuff to talk about. I'm the dork that had him on alert on AIM so that when he came back from being idle or came online, it'd alert me. I got excited when I saw that. I don't know where things are going; if we're just friends or if maybe God's giving us some other feelings. I totally don't want any of this to be myself, which I'm afraid it might be. I want to turn to God through this stuff, not some guy who makes me feel good about myself. Because those feelings will die someday, but I will always have God. Anyway, I was exhausted from crying, so I went up to bed.
Thursday I slept in again. :-) How awesome that felt. Well.... except I slept up on my bed, which is not the most comfortable thing, I learned. Ever since I got a down feather pillow top for my bed at school, I hate sleeping on my firm mattress at home. So I started sleeping on the couch instead. Anyway- I got up, got around and just as I finished, we headed to Amanda's house for Thanksgiving. Since my dad left last year, we had last Thanksgiving with the Labadies and decided to carry on the tradition. It was pretty fun. The cheeseball Marion orders from the hospital is AMAZING. Man alive. I think I ate a pretty good share of that! And those carrots with dip- excellent mama. I talked to Amanda and her cousin, Amy, while Marion prepared dinner and everyone else talked out in the living room. We ate around 4:30. We had turkey, sweet potato casserole, these chicken noodle things (Amazing), mashed potatoes and gravy, cheese rice & broccoli casserole, rolls....... man alive the list could go on and on and on. But I'm going to stop there, because I'm making myself hungry. :-P I ate way too much, as everyone should on Thanksgiving. So I laid down on the couch, miserably, until we left the lake to head to town. I rode in with Brandon. We talked a little bit but mostly just listened to him sing to country like a woman. :-P Haha. I miss that kid. Good times. That night, I think my mom went to bed early. Wait.... maybe we watched a movie. I don't know. I ended up going to bed early.
Friday, I got up early to let my neighbor's dogs out and feed them. I tried going back to sleep but couldn't. I got up and got around to go eat lunch with Dawn. Man, it was so good to see her. And for once, we didn't sit there in awkward silence. We talked pretty much the whole time we were at Applebee's. It was so good to spend time with her. She looked beautiful, as always. It's so funny to think I'll be 20 next year and she'll be 27! Hot mama! And to think that we've been friends for... well since I was in 4th grade. I enjoyed talking to her. I love you Dawn :-) Thanks.
After that, I was supposed to go get a pedicure with Amanda. But.... yeah, she never called me back. So Derrick and I went to Battle Creek. He picked me up and we contemplated on where to eat. I secretly wanted to eat at Don Pablos or Fazolis but he didn't believe me, so we ate at Steak N Shake. I had a BLT and strawberry/banana shake, which TOTALLY hit the spot. Man, I love BLTs and those shakes! After that, we went to the mall and walked around while I finished my shake. We walked in to a bunch of stores and just looked around, but neither of us bought anything. I wanted to get a shirt, but I know guys don't like shopping with girls so I just decided I'll go back another day. Maybe in a couple of weeks when I'm home again. I embarrassed him horribly by hugging him in the movie store. Poor guy hates hugs, and I basically tackled him. After that, we sat outside while he checked who won the Michigan game. It was definitely not Michigan who won, so he was grumpy. :-P We started walking to the car and he hugged me. :-) It was a pretty good feeling. Something just felt so right about that. I didn't want him to let go, but he did, because I'm sure he was afraid that someone would see him. :-P He even opened my car door! Hot diggity! We drove home and stopped by Big Boy to see if his friends were there. Somehow, he thinks I hate his friends, so he thought I was mad and we left to get a movie. We rented Office Space and watched it at my house with my mom and Aaron. I fell asleep during part of it, but it was funny. I'd watch it again. It'd probably be funnier the second time. When the movie was over, he went home because he was hunting the next morning with his dad. Of course I got another hug before he left. I wouldn't have let him off the hook that easily. :-P I think I went to bed after that. Wait, that's a lie. I did something but I don't remember what. I know I didn't go to bed til midnight, because Beth called from Loopers at 11:45 to see if I wanted to hang out, but they were just going to watch a movie so I figured I'd just fall asleep anyway.
Saturday..... I slept in once again. I was supposed to go get a pedicure again with Amanda, but that failed for the second time. She went furniture shopping with her dad and didnt' get home in time. I was kind of ticked, but life goes on. :-) I sat around all day until about 4. We left to go to Jackson to Red Lobster for my birthday dinner. I, of course, got the cajun chicken alfredo linguini stuff. Mmmmm that, those cheese biscuits and mozerella sticks were SO good. Wow. The conversation was fun, as always. I love my family. We know how to have fun. :-P We got Brandon good with a prank after dinner. I won't tell you about it, because I might pull it on you someday ;-) Brandon and Amanda went home to Detroit and mom, Aaron and I went home. I stayed up, bored out of my mind. Aaron was finishing his millionth episode of Smallville. He took a friend's DVD set of the first 2 seasons of that, so he was watching it like it was going out of style. He had just started a new episode at midnight so I took a bath, since I wanted to sleep in the living room on the couch. The bath was nice. I went to bed with wet hair and woke up with my hair all curly. It was cool. That's always fun to see how wild it turns out.
Sunday, we just hung around the house all day. My day actually turned sour kinda fast. As I was getting around, Mark's parents stopped by to talk to me. They told me that Mark wasn't doing too good and they were both scared. His dad said he just has some growing up to do, but he'll be fine. They didn't really inform me how serious things were. They did give me his phone # and tried getting me to go see him, but I was too scared to drive over to his uncle's to see him. His parents are so cute. They want us to be together so badly. I wish they wouldn't try so hard- I'm sure it just discourages Mark.... well.... I'll tell you about that. But yeah, I think it's cute anyway, that they love me that much and that they think I'm a good girl.
I got the guts to call Mark a couple hours later. He totally came clean with a lot of things. The reason he did grow distant is that he started using drugs again, and he didn't want me to find out. He knew that he was either choosing drugs or me. It wasn't easy for him. I know he still loves me and cares about me a lot, but he's just an addict. I've never been in his shoes, so I can't say "HOw could you!" I'm sure the temptation is STRONG. I saw him struggle with that for 6 months! Anyway, he was just telling me how much he started back into things and that he almost died the other day. I'm so scared... like times 1000 now. I care about him so much. I've never prayed so much in my entire life, than the last 3 weeks. Wow. Every time I think about him, I just have a hardcore talk with God. I want God to break his world- to the extreme if that's what it takes for Mark to realize that he needs God, not drugs. God will provide the strength he needs to turn away, but I think he is doubting God. Although I pray for the extreme, if needed, of course I don't want him to get hurt. I'm scared to death that he's going to get hurt or die. His body's already in bad condition! I had to take care of him for 6 months! I can't let go of him. I know he loves me. I know he's just stuck. He started crying because it's not that he wants to do this. He's scared to death! He's been to rehab 5 times and it didn't work. Now what? What is there left for him to do? :-( It's hard, and heartbreaking seeing him go through this. I guess I never understood him like I do now. I had a talk with my friend, Ashley, today, and yeah... wow, I cannot imagine what he's going through. And it's not his fault. I know he wants to stop! I know he sincerely wants to. Ugh, it's so frustrating. I've been pretty sad about all of this. I'm just really missing him too, as my birthday is tomorrow and I won't get to spend the holidays with him in my arms. :'( I was really looking forward to this year. And I still have so much to be thankful for, don't get me wrong, I just really wish I could spend some time with him. But he doesn't really want me to see him like this, which is understandable, but... yeah. We'll see I guess. I'm still praying for him like crazy and would greatly appreciate if you would too! Please please, please!!!!!
So yeah.... Derrick and I didn't go to bed on good terms last night. It breaks my heart because I don't know how I feel about him. I'm afraid that either I'm trying to force myself into something with him, or that I truly do have strong feelings for him and that he's not going to be there to catch me falling. He's my best friend, and it just sucks.... I've wanted to talk to him so badly all day, but I don't think he really gives a rip. :-( So if you're reading this, I'm sorry Derrick. I think we were both just not having a good day at all. I couldn't talk to you about it, because I don't know how I feel. I'm afraid that you're going to think I need time and totally just leave me. But I need you! I need your friendship right now! I want you to be my best friend! I'm sorry if I hurt you or irritated you. That's not how I intended our conversation to go. :-( I'm sorry.
And that leaves me here today... my birthday is in 2 hours. Am I excited? No. Sure it'll be cool to go out with my brother tomorrow, but I'm kind of bummed that none of my friends wanted to do anything with me for my birthday. Mark forgot about my birthday and I'm guessing he'll be too preoccupied to call tomorrow. As a matter of fact, I doubt anyone will call tomorrow. I hate celebrating your birthday with people you haven't known that long. I want to be home and celebrate with my friends and family. :-( I'm also stressing about exams and everything. I haven't been able to sleep in so long- since Mark and I "separated" over a month ago. It just sucks.... gosh it sucks. I feel like I'm carrying such a hefty load by myself. I know that God's with me, but I've sucked at spending time reading the Word. I've prayed like no other lately, mostly for others and not for myself though. Maybe I need to start praying for strength for myself! Anyway, yeah...... that's the life of Autumn lately. I feel like I'm such a pain. So I'm sorry if you suffered through my dramatic life story. I just hate feeling all alone here. I hate it. I can't wait until Christmas break when I'll be home for a month. Oh, it'll be so nice.
ANyway, I hope you're all doing well. Kevinito- thank you for your phone calls. I liked the second one. Hehe, that's so cute that you called to hug me. I miss you bro-tah. Seriously. It was nice to hear your voice too! I love you kid! Thank you for being such an awesome man in my life, and praying so sincerely for me. You're so faithful. I love it. Thank you! I don't deserve your friendship. Sky- you rock my face off too. I miss you. Seriously it's been like a week without hearing from you! I'm going through withdrawls. :-P Hope you're doing well. I love you chief! I'm praying for you ;-) And I'm signing off. I need to start some anatomy stuff..... and english, and nursing and.....