spiraling down....

Aug 08, 2004 23:14

Hey everyone!!

how YOU doin? I'm pretty darn good. These last few days have been good. Danielle, Mark and I have done a lot of hanging out. I guess I'll go back to last weekend...... (or earlier this week, not sure which). I was at Mark's (go figure) one night. We were enjoying our time together when there was a knock on his door. We yelled at them to come in, so when the door opened, we weren't surprised to see Danielle and Beth. They walked in and we made small talk. Then, Danielle looked like she was ready to cry! So we asked what was up and she was like "I have something important to ask.... and it's not good!" So we were both pretty concerned. You see, 5 friends of ours had taken some politician signs around town (elections were this last week). Four of the five work(ed) for Paul DeWeese in his campaign. Late at night, I guess they'd take other running-for-congress-people's signs out of people's yards. They went and dumped them in a parking lot one night. Anyway, someone called the cops on them and turned them in (there was a $100 reward out for them). The cops called Danielle in to the police station and questioned her on everything she knew. They told her that the person who turned them in overheard a conversation about the signs at Danielle's house last Saturday. So, since there were very few people there, and the people that were there had committed the crime, fingers were being pointed at Mark and I. All 5 of the guys were called in to the police station that night and asked for their stories. I don't think our names were mentioned, but everyone thought it was Mark and I because there were only 3 other people at Danielle's that night. One lives out of town, one is one of the boy's girlfriends and the other one..... well two of the guys are trying to hook up with her, because she obviously has a halo around her head. I'm not mad about this anymore, but my feelings were hurt, that everyone assumed we had made the phone call. Yes, I thought what my friends had done was wrong, but I really didn't hear a whole lot about it so I guess I didn't realize it was a huge deal. After a week of cooling off, I'm not so much bothered by it. They were just curious, but it didn't seem like that because 3 of the 5 were pointing at us. So this week has been a mess. There have been fights and just constant nagging from everyone about it. It was wrong to do, and they're in trouble. They seem to have a problem taking responsibility for their actions. It's just been crazy around here. Parents are getting tired of the arguing and the boys are constantly being kicked out of more houses (of our friends) because of their rude behaviors and raising their voices. It's sad.

Anyway, so that pretty much set the tone for the week. It was all just crazy nonsense. I didn't really do a whole lot last week. I got my TB (tuberculosis) test done last Tuesday. I had it checked Thursday and came out negative. :-) Whoo hoo! Basically I just spent a lot of time reading, and a lot of time listening to sermons. Thursday, after I got my arm checked, I washed my mom's car and cleaned it out really good. I did the works to this baby, and it took about 2 & 1/2 hours. Right when I was almost done, the vaccuum decided not to work. So irritated, I just gave up. After Mark tried figuring it out Friday, my mom realized that it was a circuit breaker. One of the switches was off in the basement. Super. So it made me look retarded, but that's cool :-) Friday, I was lounging around the house in my glasses, nasty messed up bed head and shorts and a t-shirt for a while (since I woke up at 12 I was feeling lazy). Anyway, I started eating lunch, when I saw someone at the back door. It was Mark. :-O What do I do? Do I run out of the kitchen and hide in the bathroom? Do I make my brother answer the door? I obviously looked hideous, but I was like hey, he's going to have to love me for me, so I just answered the door with a groan and disappointed smile. He came in and talked while I ate my lunch. I put my contacts in and put a sweatshirt and sweatpants on. Then he fell asleep on the couch, so I decided to take a shower while he was out. So I did that and got around. We kind of just spent the day cuddling, which was awesome cuz it was COLD in my house. He's never cold, but he wanted my blanket to sleep with. I think it's just because it's mine, but maybe he really was cold. I don't know. We walked to a garage sale and saw a bunch of nothing. So he, my mom and I had pizza together. Then Mark and I vaccuumed the car out and he finished washing and scrubbing the 3 tires that I was too lazy to do (it looked pretty sweet- a Cadillac with 1 shiny, black, bright white walled tire). :-) That tire took like 10 minutes and I wasn't willing to do the other 3 so I made him do it. He found a quicker way, but you'll have that. Guys know tricks that girls don't.

Saturday was my family reunion. We had family from Arkansas, Florida, Indiana, Michigan, Iowa.... hmm where else? It was an awesome turn out. I was pretty sluggish, because Mark didn't really want to go. I tried calling him to come for a little while but he spent the day in Hillsdale. It's not that I couldn't spend a day away from him, I just knew that my family was all going to ask and talk about him, and I thought it would've been cool if he went with me. Anyway, I got over that. I spent most of the time hanging out with my brothers, Amanda and grandma. I see them all the time, but I didn't feel like socializing. I used to love family reunions, but once my cousin committed suicide, I don't really look forward to them anymore. Sad, I know. But, every time I see his mom, I just think of all the nice things she told me at his funeral- how dear to him I was and stuff. Plus, his older sister just had her first baby boy (3rd child) and named him Anthony, after her brother. So it was hard to see the baby and hold him. Made me pretty teary. I miss Tony so much. My face used to beam every time I saw in my hotmail inbox that I had an email from "Tony Snell". WHOO HOO! I'd click to open it, which always seemed like it wasn't fast enough. It's been almost 4 years now. I'm still truckin' along, it is just a lot different than things used to be. Anyway, this year we tried something new. We had a silent auction- everyone brought some items they didn't want or new items that they thought were cool and we put them on a table with a bag infront of each. You'd write down your name and bid on paper and put it in the bag. There were a few items that did not have bids. So, we'd draw out one of the 50/50 tickets (we have a raffle to raise money for the meat and buns for all 70 of us) and whoever's number matched would win the gift, and their ticket would be put back into the jar for the actual 50/50 raffle. Brandon, my bro, bought like $10 worth of 50/50 tickets... which was like 30 tickets. So, he won this metal wire Christmas stocking that had flowers all over it, this hot potatoe thing but it's a water ball and whoever ends up with it when the clicking stops gets sprayed, a food net to put over passing dishes when you're outside. Seriously, he won all of the loser prizes that nobody wanted. So, when it came to the last item that nobody had bid on, my uncle bought it for $1 and said "give it to Brandon". haha. It was so funny because after brandon won the stocking, we would just tell them to give the unclaimed items to Brandon. So once they drew, it went to him anyway. We had a lot of fun with it. I guess you had to be there.

That brings me up to today. This morning I went to church in Angola. The band Mark's in, David's Song, led praise and worship at Lake Missionary Church so I said I'd go watch. We left here at about 8, which is different because usually I get up for church at 9 since we don't leave til 10:30. So I got up really early to get around and look nice. Church was good. There was a missionary there to share, from Turkey. He definitely spoke by the Holy Spirit. As we were praying, Spirit led, he kept saying "now I feel to pray for the person that has this going on...." or "someone has been thinking and worrying about this.....". Well, after a couple of those, my mind started focusing on one thing. So it was ROCKIN' when he hit mine head on and prayed for "the person who is troubled with this....". Wow. that definite floored me. It's awesome when that happens. He was just full of details about my situation. :-) neat. Anyway, at the end, he was asking people to come forward if they needed more fuel for their fires for Christ. Mark walked up front, which was an encouragement. A lot of guys are just afraid to admit their struggling sometimes, but he walked up there right away. :-) That was cool to see.

Lately, I've been troubled with lots of thoughts about leaving for school. I still have a lot to do and buy before I leave in..... less than 2 weeks. It's scary. Anyway, I've been thinking about Mark and I a lot, wondering if we'll make it these next few months or not. My mind is set. No matter how tough it gets, I want to be with him and keep working at glorifying God more and growing stronger as a couple. However, he doesn't really say much about how he feels for me. Not that he has to, I know some people aren't like that, but I've always been such a caregiver, I just want to receive some for a change. That kind of sounds selfish, I don't mean it to. I just do all of these cute, little things for him and sometimes I feel a little disappointed when he doesn't do anything back. So I've been praying for God to take the disappointment away. I'm happy with Mark. I know he cares about me a lot, I just..... wish he showed it more I suppose. Maybe that's not his personality though. Sorry, just felt like getting that off. He keeps asking me what's wrong, and I say "I just wonder how you feel about me..... sometimes I feel like you don't really like me all that much" and all he says is "shut up". Not really the answer I'm looking for but hey, sure. I think a lot of this doubt comes from seeing my parent's relationship. I'm scared to death of being hurt like my parents hurt one another. I've seen it happen so many times lately and I know it's Satan trying to get me down. Guess I've gotta kick my butt back up into gear. Gotta grab that energizer bunny train. :-)

Well I'm off to bed. Mama Marion (Amanda's mom) gave me my stethoscope and blood pressure cuff that she ordered for me for school today, so I'm going to help her do some cleaning this week, to repay her. I know she's very busy, being the head ER nurse who's always on call. So her time at home is limited. So I'm cleaning her house tomorrow, and another day this week. Also, I'm washing her car and doing the works to hers this week too. :-) Guess people like my work huh> ;-) I must be good at washing cars. Except I didn't dry my mom's windows in time and they had water spots. So I looked like a nerd with my windex, trying to scrub the spots clean. Didn't work real well, but that'll happen I suppose. I hope you all are doing awesome! I miss you guys! I love you all too!!!! God bless! Oh, I need to start praying more, so if you have a prayer request, please hook me up. I'd love to pray for you!!!

Autumn
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