gotta get some stuff out....
the last 2 weeks have been so stressful and just all around crummy. I have been so incredibly busy with school stuff, field hockey...we have had 7 days within the last 11 days?? something like that...and work! i really want to get a new job bc i really need to start saving i can't save much on the little that i make. and soo many people are quiting its crazy! kind of glad about one of them and the others not so much
one of the two major things bugging me is that the other night i had a dream...usually i don't dream and if i do i can never remember them and if i do. they are something really weird that doesn't make sense or they are about death, dieing or killing. But i had a dream that my grandfather died. It totally freaked me out! i love my papa soo much and i don't know what i would do if he died tomorrow....i can't remember what happened in the dream just that i he died and he was lying in a coffen still and stuff with lots of make up. and now thinking about it. i think of when ali's grandfather died....i didn't even really know him i met him just a handfull of times. but i was soo sad at his funeral and i just kept thinking about my grandfather. I think one of the reasons i had this dream was because i went to andrews grandparents with him last weekend and his grandmother is having surgery at the end of the month and i think that visit just really made me miss my grandparents. I was really hoping to see them this weekend but i had to work and take SAT's. which i don't think i did very well on, which sucks because these test are going to determine my whole future which is very very scary. i still have no idea where i want to go or what i want to do.
the second major thing that bugged me lately is my relationship with my dad. i haven't talked to him since before school started! thats over a month ago. Andrew came by last week, bc he found a song on the Nelly cd he just got that reminded him of me so he dl it the cd on my computer. one of the songs on the cd has a kid talking to his dad that i think is in jail i duno but they are talking and its the little kids b-day and he wants his father. and hes like so how old at you now 18? and the kid is obvously like 8 or 9. but it just reminds me of what he does on my b-day and the little kid wants him to come over for his b-day but he says he can't make it and stuff. and all of it just reminds me of my dad. it makes me feel depressed and sad. i wish my relationship was better with my father. but its not, i think im going to call him.............i wish my relationship was better with another person too. but i don't think it ever will be. too much has happened. and i just don't know how to deal with it. i miss her.
My brother told my mom the other day that he thought that my dad was cheating on mary with another lady. which just absouletly blew my mind away, its not surprising and just proves again and again once a cheat always a cheat. My brother hates living at my dads. and misses home. which is very unusual for him. he has always loved going to my dads every weekend to go to work with him and stuff. i wish my relationship was better with my brother too. we have never been very close. he has always just kind of been a jerk to me.
i duno things have just seemed really cruddy lately. andrew has been so great threw everything. he is always willing to listen and help. i was like baling on the phone the other night and i felt so bad bc i just couldn't stop. I just felt miserable i was exhausted PMSing, stressed and overwelmed with everything the car broke twice on me this week. the started went, they put in a new one, got it back went to go to school and it won't start again. and then not being able to eat certain things . Acid relect sucks!!!! ate pizza and chocolate today and it sucked! my belly hurt. and the things my mom got me taste gross! school is getting better. still not very good, my classes much all except for marketing 2...but he has been amazing threw it all and i don't know what i would do with out him. i love him so much.
ok going to bed...school tomorrow. game wednesday. last game of the season/seniors night and tailgate party! can't wait. 5:30 stellos be their!!!