(no subject)
fuck fuck fuck
I am so pissed off right at this moment. Some gils been sending my boyf messages which are basically asking him back saying things like' you know Im the only one who can really get you off...if I was there right now you know we'd be all over each other' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wtf?!?!?
I also feel quilty because I sent some guy some email saying that me and carl weren't serious and I had always fancied him ( this guy is from thailand) I dont know why I said it at the time I guess I didn't want him to feel bad about writing me the kinds of emails he has been writing me
? O rmaybe I find it hard to admit that I actualy love my boyfrind to death. My byf found this email ( he checked mine) and basically dumped me. This was yesterday. In waterloo station. He comfronted me about it and said he couldn't trust me. All I could think about was hurting myself. Not talking. Just doing. Haven't felt tht strong an urge in ages. Which makes me think I have made no progress and am totally not over it. Fuck it. He then told me about these emails from his ex. He replyed to her saying fuck off and that he has a girlfriend wh he loves.
So there he is getting stalked by his ex and he tells her to fuck off. I get stalked my an a frind whom I fancied two fuckin year ago and I write back, not telling him to f off but actually playing down my relationship? I am fucked up! Why did I do that! What the fuck is my fucking problem. urgh. Fuck.
I know thi might sound confusion as Im not explaingin prop but I need to come here and vent before I hurt myself. Just keep typing. Keep typing.
We did make up in the end. He said that he loves me and wants to trust me. No one has ever been that nice to me. I push him away and he keeps takingme back. I think I have finally surrended to him. I think perhaps I had to push it him to see what he us was made of.
I guess he's really serious about me. I guess he actually wants me. Scotty really fucked me up and I think now that it actually effected my trust issue but I never let myse,f stop and think that. I just moved onto the next scumbag that came along and then the next. Then carl came along.
Am going out with maya tonight and going to get wasted. Need to forget all my troubles, just for tonight. Becasue they wont be gone tommorrow.
xxxxxxx
feel much better now
I am so pissed off right at this moment. Some gils been sending my boyf messages which are basically asking him back saying things like' you know Im the only one who can really get you off...if I was there right now you know we'd be all over each other' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wtf?!?!?
I also feel quilty because I sent some guy some email saying that me and carl weren't serious and I had always fancied him ( this guy is from thailand) I dont know why I said it at the time I guess I didn't want him to feel bad about writing me the kinds of emails he has been writing me
? O rmaybe I find it hard to admit that I actualy love my boyfrind to death. My byf found this email ( he checked mine) and basically dumped me. This was yesterday. In waterloo station. He comfronted me about it and said he couldn't trust me. All I could think about was hurting myself. Not talking. Just doing. Haven't felt tht strong an urge in ages. Which makes me think I have made no progress and am totally not over it. Fuck it. He then told me about these emails from his ex. He replyed to her saying fuck off and that he has a girlfriend wh he loves.
So there he is getting stalked by his ex and he tells her to fuck off. I get stalked my an a frind whom I fancied two fuckin year ago and I write back, not telling him to f off but actually playing down my relationship? I am fucked up! Why did I do that! What the fuck is my fucking problem. urgh. Fuck.
I know thi might sound confusion as Im not explaingin prop but I need to come here and vent before I hurt myself. Just keep typing. Keep typing.
We did make up in the end. He said that he loves me and wants to trust me. No one has ever been that nice to me. I push him away and he keeps takingme back. I think I have finally surrended to him. I think perhaps I had to push it him to see what he us was made of.
I guess he's really serious about me. I guess he actually wants me. Scotty really fucked me up and I think now that it actually effected my trust issue but I never let myse,f stop and think that. I just moved onto the next scumbag that came along and then the next. Then carl came along.
Am going out with maya tonight and going to get wasted. Need to forget all my troubles, just for tonight. Becasue they wont be gone tommorrow.
xxxxxxx
feel much better now