(no subject)
My Dearest _________ ~
I dont even know where to begin with you... after these long years we've shared together it feels like we have grown farther apart than we have together, and that makes me so sad sometimes. Other times it just makes me mad...
I know that you havent had the easiest life, and that some things are just out of your hands. I always was, and still am, jealous that I could never be the one that you turned to when you were going through hard times or in pain and in need of comfort. Never once in the seven years we've shared have you ever turned to me first, or even second. No, i was the last, i was the backup when every one else was busy for the moment. I was the convenient one.
Others shunned me, called me whore and a bad person for the choices I had made, and you never said a word in my defense (as far as i know), never tried to convince them otherwise. You even used their prejudice against me as an excuse not to see me outside of school for any reason.
I never did know where I stood with you.. one day it was though I was your only friend, but the next you were too busy with -her-. One day you'd act as though you were my lover, but it was only for show, only to angry those watching. But most of the time it was just casual nothingness, i was your friend, but nothing more, though slightly less at the same time.
For the longest time I was willing with all my heart to give up almost anything and anyone to have you as my own, or at least mine in some special way that no one else had you. And for a time you made me believe that you would, but it was ever a show, always a tease.
It saddens me to say, but Ive given up on all that. I realize that nothing I can say or do will ever make you come to me for any reason. Hell, I've given up on ever hearing from you without prompting from myself of another. I wish it wasnt true, but it is. And unless you give me a reason, any reason, to believe otherwise, I fear I may just have to give up all together...
<3 Me
I dont even know where to begin with you... after these long years we've shared together it feels like we have grown farther apart than we have together, and that makes me so sad sometimes. Other times it just makes me mad...
I know that you havent had the easiest life, and that some things are just out of your hands. I always was, and still am, jealous that I could never be the one that you turned to when you were going through hard times or in pain and in need of comfort. Never once in the seven years we've shared have you ever turned to me first, or even second. No, i was the last, i was the backup when every one else was busy for the moment. I was the convenient one.
Others shunned me, called me whore and a bad person for the choices I had made, and you never said a word in my defense (as far as i know), never tried to convince them otherwise. You even used their prejudice against me as an excuse not to see me outside of school for any reason.
I never did know where I stood with you.. one day it was though I was your only friend, but the next you were too busy with -her-. One day you'd act as though you were my lover, but it was only for show, only to angry those watching. But most of the time it was just casual nothingness, i was your friend, but nothing more, though slightly less at the same time.
For the longest time I was willing with all my heart to give up almost anything and anyone to have you as my own, or at least mine in some special way that no one else had you. And for a time you made me believe that you would, but it was ever a show, always a tease.
It saddens me to say, but Ive given up on all that. I realize that nothing I can say or do will ever make you come to me for any reason. Hell, I've given up on ever hearing from you without prompting from myself of another. I wish it wasnt true, but it is. And unless you give me a reason, any reason, to believe otherwise, I fear I may just have to give up all together...
<3 Me