One-shot: Outnumbered
Title: Outnumbered
Author: lealpotter
Rating: PG-13
Warning: None
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Dave/Kurt/Sebastian
Word Count: 729
A/N: Third on a series of fills for my own self-indulging prompfest on Tumblr.
Prompt: Kurt/Sebastian/Dave. Meeting the parents for the first time.
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“Two boys. Two of those. Two of them. Two.”
“Burt, honey.”
“No, Carole. There are two. I don’t think you’re getting this right. Two.”
“I’m sure Kurt can handle them. And I’ve made plenty of food to go around as well.”
“Two. I’d be fine, I’d be thrilled if he was dumping Kar-David for that Sebastian kid, but two.”
“Honey. We’ve talked about you holding that grudge against Dave; it’s bad for your arteries. Besides, I’ve known boys like Sebastian, and I, for one, am thrilled Kurt has Dave to help keep him on his toes.”
“Two.”
“The more the merrier, sweetheart.”
“But… two.”
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“Four.”
“Oh, will you just get it over with already?”
“I have to meet four parents. I usually start avoiding when there are only two looming on.”
“You’ve met them already, Bas.”
“Four.”
“My dad adores you.”
“Yeah, and he never makes a secret of it.”
“Dave.”
“What? ‘S the truth.”
“So you think we should tell my dad about all the mess with Blaine? Maybe then you two’ll be on slightly more even ground. And by even, I actually mean my dad kicking Sebastian out at gun point.”
“…no.”
“I didn’t think so, either.”
“Yeah, I think you’re both missing the point. Four.”
“I don’t see the problem. More practice?”
“You say that ‘cause they all love you.”
”’Oh, darling, isn’t Kurt just the most charming boy.’”
“‘He’s so polite. And he knows his way around an engine - you can’t go wrong with that!’”
“‘And he hasn’t got that dreadful American accent you’ve been cultivating, Sebastian. What a delightful boy.’”
“‘And he actually speaks at the dinner table, David. What a nice kid.’”
“Oh, shut up, the both of you.”
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“Now, see. That wasn’t so bad was it?”
“I’m still on the fence about that Sebastian boy. I worried he was a bad influence when he was just Davey’s friend, but now-“
“Oh, he’s harmless. And Kurt was lovely, as always. Such taste.”
“Did you really have to giggle when he complimented your dress?”
“Don’t be a grumpy old bear. He’s the sweetest thing, makes me feel like I’m a blushing schoolgirl again.”
“Look like it, too.”
“None of it now. Dave has excellent taste. Such handsome boys. You should be proud.”
“But… two.”
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“Well, at least he’s not sleeping around anymore.”
“But two at the same time?”
“Honestly, I find it almost restrained of him. I had already resigned myself to a steady orgy.”
“He gets it from you.”
“Is this a step up from calling me a manwhore, darling?”
“Quite. Strange.”
“Yes, precious?”
“I had this unfathomable idea that it was Kurt’s boyfriend Bastian was hunting after.”
“Well, then. Maybe that’s how they met.”
“Ghastly. Your son has no manners.”
“Your son is a heartbreaker.”
“And possibly a home-wrecker.”
“I have the feeling he might be settling down, now.”
“Finally. But two?”
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“Hey.”
“Hey, babe. Dave?”
“Sleeping. As we should be. Come back to bed.”
“I - I will. In a minute.”
“Do you want me to stay?”
“You should sleep. We kinda wore you out.”
“I think we might remember things a little differently. I distinctly recall ‘God, no, please, I can’t again, oh God, Dave, Kurt, please, don’t touch me, oh God, touchmepleaseyesthereagain -“
” -- “
” -- “
“Hmmm. Cute. You sound hot when you’re altering reality.”
“You know the best thing about a three-way relationship? Witnesses.”
“Biased witnesses. He’s whipped.”
“You’re one to talk. Come on. Come back to bed and finish what you started for once.”
“Yes, I’m definitely the tease here.”
“Bas?”
“In a minute, love.”
“You’re not freaking out a lot, are you? I know four is kind of a tall order.”
“I don’t do parents. I never do parents.”
“… okay?”
“But I want to do your parents. And Dave’s.”
“God, I hope not.”
“What- why would you go there, stop going there!”
“I know you want to. And you did so beautifully. And now you’re coming back to bed and doing your wonderful boyfriends.”
“Kurt, I -“
“Sshh, I know. Come on, I wanna blow Dave awake.”
“Nice. Can I -“
“No cameras.”
“Spoil-sport.”
“I know. But I’ll even share.”
“Tempting. You got yourself a deal, Hummel.”
“You’re so easy.”
“Hey. Must I remind you that four? I deserve a fucking good reward.”
“Oh, god. Whine, whine, whine.”