messed up, am i moving?
Every tuesday I work at the hospital, and every tuesday I don't wanna go because i'm tired and it's more work...the list goes on. Yet, every tuesday while at/after working at the hospital, I am reminded of how much I want to be there all the time. I can't do anything else. I can't be anything else, i won't know how. Being a doctor is the one thing that even though i know it's going to be hard, in every aspect, it's going to be extremely ME. And then I get scared about school and how I don't know how i did on my tests and how maybe i should just study all the time instead of going out on the weekends. Like maybe I didn't do well because of that one time I went snowboarding that saturday. I'm terrified. I've never wanted something so bad that it scares the crap out of me to think i couldn't have it. But i can't just not have fun, i can't study all the time. I guess i will just never know the balance...I just won't understand the concept of being truly happy because I'm not studying...because I feel like i should be...all the time. I guess this doctor business is a package deal, but i don't care...i want it anyway.
Also, today i realized that I do not, nor any of my friends, nor any of the kids on campus (well maybe some) have it hard. <-- dunno how the grammar was there. There are older people, loosing their memory, experiencing arthritis, alzhiemer's (sp), AND cancer. They have bills to pay, family to worry about, and on top of that...any time they have for themselves is worthless because it's not a break...all they do is worry. I've decided to try really really hard to not feel sorry for myself from now on. Because I do sometimes, after studying late or something...worrying about stuff that, yea matters, but doesn't even compare to problems others have. I think that this world would be a better place if everyone just stopped and took a look around and realized they aren't the only ones with problems. We don't even have to do anything...just notice.
Also, today i realized that I do not, nor any of my friends, nor any of the kids on campus (well maybe some) have it hard. <-- dunno how the grammar was there. There are older people, loosing their memory, experiencing arthritis, alzhiemer's (sp), AND cancer. They have bills to pay, family to worry about, and on top of that...any time they have for themselves is worthless because it's not a break...all they do is worry. I've decided to try really really hard to not feel sorry for myself from now on. Because I do sometimes, after studying late or something...worrying about stuff that, yea matters, but doesn't even compare to problems others have. I think that this world would be a better place if everyone just stopped and took a look around and realized they aren't the only ones with problems. We don't even have to do anything...just notice.