more field notes, 6/14-6/21
The Requisites Document
6/17/09
Keywords: civil war, Santiago, politics, documents, the muni
I plan on scanning the requisites document that Maynor gave me at the muni within the next few days, but before that I wanted to take a minute to describe it as it strikes me as particularly interesting. A two-page document divided into 8 sections and titled ‘MUNICIPALIDAD DE SANTIAGO ATITLAN, PROGRAMA DE RESARCIMIENTO: ?COMO ACEDER A LOS BENEFICIOS DEL PROGRAMA NACIONAL DE RESARCIMIENTO?’, all the qualifications for each category of program participation are listed under headings describing different sorts of war damages and/or injuries. The 8 kinds of damages that can qualify a person for participation in the program are as follows, and incorporate a broader scope of war crimes than I had initially thought:
-Ejecución Extrajudicial (Extrajudicial Execution)
-Desaparición Forzada (Forced Disappearance)
-Violación Sexual/Violencia Sexual (Sexual Violation/Sexual Violence)
-Tortura Física y Psicológica (Physical and Psychological Torture)
-Desplazamiento Forzado (Forced Displacement)
-Masacre (Massacre)
-Reclutamiento Forzado de Menores (Forced Conscription of Minors)
-Violaciones en Contra de la Niñez (Violations Against Children)
Beneath each heading is included a basic list of documents needed for prospective program participants in order to apply for reparations money. While most of the documents needed are pretty straightforward (birth and death certificates, copies of ID cards) there are a few which seem like they would offer some problems. In particular, one of the requisite documents for those wishing to receive money for violations for forced conscription of minors and for violations against children is a municipal certificate certifying the local government’s acknowledgement that the acts in question occurred. It seems to me that this would be very difficult to obtain for many people, either as a function of the long period of time between the occurrence and enrollment in the program or as a function of the fact that many of the crimes committed during the war are known only to the direct family members of the victims, selected community members close to the families and the victims themselves. As the nature of the war itself was secretive and there don’t seem to be official documents profiling what happened, when, and to whom, I wonder how many people have been able to substantiate their claims and if they haven’t what toll it’s taken on the families and victims themselves. I am glad to at least have a document detailing the requisites at this point, and feel it will help in interviews with those who have applied for the program but haven’t received money in order to check their application materials against the official list. I look forward to writing Maynor Ixbalán for more information and clarification in the next few days.
Interview with Z1, #1
6/17/09
Keywords: civil war, interview, Santiago, poverty
After our visit to the muni today I returned home and began to write out some field notes while I waited for lunch. After about 20 less than productive minutes, my host sister L1 came running into the room where I was sitting. “She’s here today, she came today! Come have your interview!” L1 said over and over again, and I knew immediately what she was talking about. Since the beginning of my project, L1 and my host mother have been telling me about a very poor woman they know named Z1 who has applied for resarcimiento but has not received it. Her story has become the go-to testimonial for me in referring to those having issues enrolling in the program. Even though I hadn’t met her before today, I’ve heard the story of how she lost her husband in January of 1981 in the same massacre that claimed the life of C1’s husband, and how Z1 was forced into poverty in the aldea of Checkaya in order to work to sustain her 3 children. My host mother told me about how over the years since that day our host family has supported Z1 by giving her the extra corn from my host father’s milpa since Z1 had to sell her husband’s land in order to feed her children. Her 2 sons have had a hard time finding land to farm even in adulthood as a result of their economic situation, and Z1’s daughter has had to resort to living on a coffee plantation under a patron in order to supplement the household’s income. Presently Z1 works as a weaver, and comes to our family’s house once every week to deliver the cloth she makes in order for it to be made into embroidered wallets by my host sister and sold in the market and in Antigua. It has been hard for me to get in touch with Z1 since I’m often out of the house for class when she comes to the house, and L1 and I had discussed my interviewing Z1 this Friday when she was scheduled to come by the house. I guess her plans changed though, and at 11:30 this morning Z1 was waiting in the living room of my family’s house to talk to me about her experiences. As a poor indigenous woman who speaks no Spanish and who has been deeply traumatized by her experiences, Z1 initially was not interested in having an interview with me. L1 and my host mother both had to talk to Z1 in order to let her know about my intentions and the focus of my project, and I am incredibly grateful for their efforts and their influence in letting Z1 know it’s okay to talk to me.
After introducing myself to Z1 and thanking her profusely for letting me have the opportunity to speak with her, I sat down for our interview in the dark living room with L1 as my translator. I sat on a plastic stool in the middle of the room, facing Z1 and L1 as they sat in armchairs along the wall. Z1 is a 57 year-old Santiago native who looks like she could be 70 because of her beautiful long gray hair, lined face and faded but immaculate blouse and skirt. As I asked her my first question, I was happy to see that she looked as if she understood Spanish; at least one leg of the tedious translating process would be eliminated. And so the interview began. When I asked Z1 to tell me her definition of the programa nacional de resarcimiento, she told me instead about the requisite information she had to hand in; I asked L1 to translate the question again, but was met with the same response. Z1 told me the encargado in the muni had asked her how many years it had been since her husband died, and then asked her for photocopies of her ID and those of her children. Later with futher probing as to the documents required for program enrollment Z1 told me she had given a marriage certificate and a death certificate as well. I moved on to ask Z1 if she had received money through the program and she replied no, that the encargado had interviewed her but she hadn’t received any money. She speculated that maybe her inability to procure money had something to do with the fact that she may not have provided all the necessary documents. I asked if the encargado had given her a list, and Z1 responded no although she says she has checked back many times since enrolling in the program to make sure she had submitted everything necessary. She added that she just didn’t understand what had gone wrong, and repeated this phrase throughout the interview along with the word ‘maho’on’, or ‘nothing’ in Tz’utujil. At this point in the interview I wished wholeheartedly that I spoke Tz’utujil so that I could understand the side conversations that occurred between every question between Z1 and L1; was L1 helping Z1 qualify her answers or providing her with alternative wording for the questions that could somehow change their meaning? Whatever the situation, however, I was grateful for Z1’s time and whatever sort of information I could gain from her regardless of the loss inherent in translation. I asked Z1 to describe how she heard about the resarcimiento program; she told me that after her husband died she had become a patrollera here in Santiago to earn money and to keep the pueblo safe from more violence. 2 years ago in 2007 the encargado for the reparations program at the time (a friend of Z1’s who also acted as a patrollero during the war) told her about the programa nacional de resarcimiento and described it to Z1 as a good opportunity for her to receive some compensation for the loss of her husband 26 years before. But the encargado has changed since then, and every time Z1 goes to inquire about the status of her enrollment she is told to be patient. She told me that the names of those to receive resarcimiento payment are announced on the radio station ‘voz de Atitlán’ every month, and that she has been told to expect her name to be called a number of times over the past year. Each time Z1 listens without fail, but has yet to hear her named called. She told me she doesn’t know what to feel about her situation, just that she has no idea if they will ever give her the money she plans to use as her children’s inheritance. “If my husband were alive, he could work and we would have had a house. My sons would have land and an inheritance, but it can never be that way” L1 interprets for Z1. For my last question, I asked Z1 if she had heard about those who are lying to receive reparations. She told me she’s heard about them, although most of them live far away from her in the center of town. She did tell me there are 3 other women in her aldea who have not been able to get reparations, even though their husbands and sons died the same day as hers and others and they all turned in their paperwork on the same day two years ago. L1 seemed surprised by this, and her and Z1 chatted quietly for a second before lapsing into silence. After a moment, I thanked Z1 again for her time and for speaking with me. She told me to thank God instead, for allowing us to be there. I kissed Z1 on the cheek goodbye, she rounded up her weaving materials and the interview and the visit were over.
Interview with F1, #1
6/18/09
Keywords: interview, overcoming obstacles, civil war, Santiago, the muni
This afternoon I got back to Santiago just in time to make my 5 PM appointment to interview F1 at La Clinica Rxiin Tzin a Met just off the main plaza. I was anxious to make it to this meeting on time, especially since our last appointment for an interview fell through due to F1’s busy work schedule as a wet nurse. I went into the main office of the light blue clinic building and asked to be taken to F1’s office. A thin, elegant indigenous woman in glasses introduced herself as F1’s daughter in law, and led me past the line of people waiting for medical attention up a set of dim and narrow concrete to the 2nd floor of the clinic where F1 has her office. I rounded the corner at the top of the stairs and found myself in a large, mostly empty and dimly lit room the size of an average elementary school classroom. There was a blackboard at the head of the room, and in front of it a large wooden table where F1 and one of her work colleagues were seated. As I walked across the dusty wooden floor to join them I heard the rain pounding on the row of windows to my right, and felt like I was in a movie. I greeted F1, and presented myself to her colleague C2 who F1 said would be sitting in on the interview as they were going to keep working after I left. As I introduced my project and the sorts of questions I was planning to ask in our interview, F1 seemed very suspicious. She asked me what direct benefit she would get from our interview, and whether her answering my questions would have any impact on Santiago. I was taken aback, but I told her I planned on giving her and all the other people I’m interviewing a copy of my conclusions as well as presenting a copy of my research to the muni. I reiterated that I would not be using any of her personal information, and she seemed to be calmed by that reassurance. I also let F1 know that if at any point she felt uncomfortable answering the questions I had for her it was more than okay for us to stop. When I thought F1 seemed comfortable, I began. When asked if she could define the programa nacional de resarcimiento in her own words F1 told me it was a type of aid, the government’s minimal recognition of the loss experienced by people who have lost their loved ones in the civil war. She told me shortly that she had received the money, and that it only took 4 months to reach her. I remarked that 4 months seemed very fast, and F1 told me she had friends at the municipality who had helped her. I asked about the requisites for the program, what they were and how the process of applying usually went. F1 responded only by saying there were many requirements, and she didn’t remember. She does not know that when the government began the reparations program, only that she heard about it from her friend the encargado at the muni. F1 also had not heard anything about the fact that some people are lying to receive reparations money. She did tell me that one disadvantage of the program is that they give the same relatively small amount of money to everyone who qualifies for it; F1 says it was difficult to make 24,000Q last in her own household of 4 people, but many households are larger and have more trouble dividing the money without fighting. I asked what she thought about those who have applied for the program but have not received their money, and F1 told me she had heard about that but nothing more. While I was a little frustrated with the brevity and seeming unavailability of her responses, I could tell my interview with F1 was over at that point. I asked her if she knew of anyone else I could talk to, and after talking in Tz’utujil with her friend C2 told me that if I left my phone number she could call me with names if she thought of them. I thanked her, and offered to do any household favors she needed since we’re neighbors for the next 3 weeks. I’m not sure I’ll be able to get in touch with F1 again, and even if I did I’m not sure how much information I’d be able to get.
Interview With F1, #1
Journal Note
6/19/09
Keywords: interview, civil war, journal note, Santiago, overcoming obstacles
This morning over breakfast of mosh and banana in the small kitchen of my host family’s house I had a long chat with my host mother M1. As both of us started to wake up a little more and get ready for the day ahead, she asked me how my work was going. I told her it was going pretty well, I just needed to find more people to interview. I told her I wasn’t sure what I was going to do today since my appointment in Pana fell through, that maybe I would do some writing and try and work on my assignments. M1 asked me if I had interviewed F1 yet, since she’s our family’s neighbor and M1 has known her since they were small children. I told her about our interview yesterday, about how I hadn’t gotten too much information and it seemed like F1 really didn’t want to tell me anything other than the basic details of her experience in the resarcimiento program. M1 was surprised. “She didn’t tell you about her husband?”I shook my head no, and she sighed. “Si pues, it’s very hard for her to tell the story. See, he disappeared.” She told me about the day early in the 1980s when F1 had gone to take her husband breakfast and found his room empty, the crying and mourning that went on down the street for weeks after he didn’t return to the house. M1 told me F1’s husband was a guerrilla, that someone had found out and probably told the army. F1 still doesn’t know what happened to her husband, whether he was burned or shot. “They still don’t know where his body is, they probably never will.” I expressed my surprise and regret, and M1 went on to describe the dark days of the war. She told me those days someone disappeared or was killed every day. “There was a lot of sadness, and so much fear everywhere”, M1 said. She told me the day of the first massacre (Jan. 7, 1981) many people were so afraid they chose to go sleep in the Catholic church instead of in their houses. M1 and her family slept in their neighbor’s house for almost a week after that first tragedy. L2 came in after that, and the two of them discussed for a second. L2 told me there is a set of Catholic sisters they know whose husbands had helped the guerrillas for a long time. Sometime in 1982 these husband decided the best action to take to keep their families safe due to the increase in military violence would be for them to disappear on their own. They ran away early one morning to Antigua, found a house and hid there. However, ‘saber who heard, who found out’ M1 said. The military found out where they had been hiding, rounded up the men in Antigua and brought them back to Santiago to be burned as an example.
Every time I start to feel some frustration or bitterness with the lack of information I’m receiving from certain interviewees, someone brings the situation back into focus for me. Most of the people I have spoken with have suffered through immense tragedies that have left indelible and echoing scars on their daily lives. Why should I expect or demand information from them about their pain? If they share what they’ve gone through, it should be 100% voluntary and an honor for me to listen. My questions don’t probe on that level and shouldn’t anyways. I am very glad for M1 and my conversation today for putting things into perspective, and am going to try my best to keep my priorities in order in my mind.
Better Days
6/19/09
Journal Note
Keywords: obstacles, overcoming obstacles, Santiago, journal note
The past few days have improved considerably over Sunday and Monday from this past week, for which I am incredibly grateful. There are still times when I get really depressed and I’m still more likely to cry at the drop of a hat when I think about home or my uncle David, but for the most part I’ve found staying productive and making sure to leave myself an hour or two at the end of the day to read a book or watch a movie before I go to sleep. The unexpected availability of the mayor on Tuesday and the surprise interview with Z1 came at exactly the right time, and reminded me that I’m capable of making each day as productive as humanly possible. I can honestly say this is the first time that doing academic work has afforded me some comfort and escape when I’m low, and so far I prefer channeling my emotions into my work to channeling them into a night at the bar or sitting around by myself thinking about things too much. I’m more grateful than ever before for the kindness and warmth of my host family and the fact that I can laugh with them; in a strange way, they remind me of my family at home. Meaghan’s presence here has also been invaluable, and our escapes out to sit and talk or to buy entirely too many unhealthy American snacks have helped me remember that in addition to working my butt off here I should also be having fun once in a while. After all I get my assignments done, am working fairly steadily (most days) on my study and we’re in the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen. I think Director and Directora are more than right to warn incoming field school participants about the ‘dark days’ they’ll have while down here, especially around the 3rd week. I’m just happy those bad days are offset by good ones, or else I’d probably be going crazy.
Project Check-in
Methods Note
6/19/09
Keywords: Methods, civil war, Santiago, final paper
Yesterday morning in class in San Pedro we used our time to systematically pick our projects apart in order to get an informed idea of how to proceed. In our small group of 5 we took turns going around the table and stating the purpose of our study in 2 sentences each. After somebody gave their 2 sentences, another classmate was asked to repeat it back to them, and yet another attempted to sum up the main idea in their own words. This seemed like a really tedious idea, but while it was difficult it helped a lot to hear our own ideas echoed back to us so we could figure out what’s working and what needs more clarification or focus. When my turn came I stated that the purpose of my study is to explore and define the effects of the national reparations program on community in Santiago Atitlán. As my classmates tried to repeat my purpose back to me and after I spent about 5 minutes describing the information I’ve gotten and the different types of focuses I could take to continue, Director turned to me and said: “it seems like everyone else has a better idea of what you’re doing than you do”. This rattled me a little, and the more I thought about it the more it seemed like that really is the case. My classmates told me it seems like I’m so immersed in the amount of information I’m getting that it’s become difficult to pull back and look at it as a whole. I got some really valuable suggestions and clarification on my ideas throughout the whole ordeal, and think I have a much better idea of how to shape my final assessment of the information I’ve been gathering. My classmates helped me see the difference and separate importance of taking both an etic and emic perspective in describing the effectiveness and the effects of the resarcimiento program here in Santiago.
In evaluating the effectiveness of the program I will be able to focus purely on the facts; the 36 women statistic that was given to me by the encargado in the muni, the requisite documents for enrollment, the intricacies of the program and its purpose. I have found this information mostly through speaking with officials at the muni and by browsing online. The effect of the program focuses in more on the individual experiences and frustrations within its participants who I am interviewing, and will be the main source for the ethnography and emotion in my study. I think keeping these things disentangled for the majority of my time here will allow me to link the effectiveness and the effect of the program in a causal relationship and to keep my information clearly sorted for analysis.
6/17/09
Keywords: civil war, Santiago, politics, documents, the muni
I plan on scanning the requisites document that Maynor gave me at the muni within the next few days, but before that I wanted to take a minute to describe it as it strikes me as particularly interesting. A two-page document divided into 8 sections and titled ‘MUNICIPALIDAD DE SANTIAGO ATITLAN, PROGRAMA DE RESARCIMIENTO: ?COMO ACEDER A LOS BENEFICIOS DEL PROGRAMA NACIONAL DE RESARCIMIENTO?’, all the qualifications for each category of program participation are listed under headings describing different sorts of war damages and/or injuries. The 8 kinds of damages that can qualify a person for participation in the program are as follows, and incorporate a broader scope of war crimes than I had initially thought:
-Ejecución Extrajudicial (Extrajudicial Execution)
-Desaparición Forzada (Forced Disappearance)
-Violación Sexual/Violencia Sexual (Sexual Violation/Sexual Violence)
-Tortura Física y Psicológica (Physical and Psychological Torture)
-Desplazamiento Forzado (Forced Displacement)
-Masacre (Massacre)
-Reclutamiento Forzado de Menores (Forced Conscription of Minors)
-Violaciones en Contra de la Niñez (Violations Against Children)
Beneath each heading is included a basic list of documents needed for prospective program participants in order to apply for reparations money. While most of the documents needed are pretty straightforward (birth and death certificates, copies of ID cards) there are a few which seem like they would offer some problems. In particular, one of the requisite documents for those wishing to receive money for violations for forced conscription of minors and for violations against children is a municipal certificate certifying the local government’s acknowledgement that the acts in question occurred. It seems to me that this would be very difficult to obtain for many people, either as a function of the long period of time between the occurrence and enrollment in the program or as a function of the fact that many of the crimes committed during the war are known only to the direct family members of the victims, selected community members close to the families and the victims themselves. As the nature of the war itself was secretive and there don’t seem to be official documents profiling what happened, when, and to whom, I wonder how many people have been able to substantiate their claims and if they haven’t what toll it’s taken on the families and victims themselves. I am glad to at least have a document detailing the requisites at this point, and feel it will help in interviews with those who have applied for the program but haven’t received money in order to check their application materials against the official list. I look forward to writing Maynor Ixbalán for more information and clarification in the next few days.
Interview with Z1, #1
6/17/09
Keywords: civil war, interview, Santiago, poverty
After our visit to the muni today I returned home and began to write out some field notes while I waited for lunch. After about 20 less than productive minutes, my host sister L1 came running into the room where I was sitting. “She’s here today, she came today! Come have your interview!” L1 said over and over again, and I knew immediately what she was talking about. Since the beginning of my project, L1 and my host mother have been telling me about a very poor woman they know named Z1 who has applied for resarcimiento but has not received it. Her story has become the go-to testimonial for me in referring to those having issues enrolling in the program. Even though I hadn’t met her before today, I’ve heard the story of how she lost her husband in January of 1981 in the same massacre that claimed the life of C1’s husband, and how Z1 was forced into poverty in the aldea of Checkaya in order to work to sustain her 3 children. My host mother told me about how over the years since that day our host family has supported Z1 by giving her the extra corn from my host father’s milpa since Z1 had to sell her husband’s land in order to feed her children. Her 2 sons have had a hard time finding land to farm even in adulthood as a result of their economic situation, and Z1’s daughter has had to resort to living on a coffee plantation under a patron in order to supplement the household’s income. Presently Z1 works as a weaver, and comes to our family’s house once every week to deliver the cloth she makes in order for it to be made into embroidered wallets by my host sister and sold in the market and in Antigua. It has been hard for me to get in touch with Z1 since I’m often out of the house for class when she comes to the house, and L1 and I had discussed my interviewing Z1 this Friday when she was scheduled to come by the house. I guess her plans changed though, and at 11:30 this morning Z1 was waiting in the living room of my family’s house to talk to me about her experiences. As a poor indigenous woman who speaks no Spanish and who has been deeply traumatized by her experiences, Z1 initially was not interested in having an interview with me. L1 and my host mother both had to talk to Z1 in order to let her know about my intentions and the focus of my project, and I am incredibly grateful for their efforts and their influence in letting Z1 know it’s okay to talk to me.
After introducing myself to Z1 and thanking her profusely for letting me have the opportunity to speak with her, I sat down for our interview in the dark living room with L1 as my translator. I sat on a plastic stool in the middle of the room, facing Z1 and L1 as they sat in armchairs along the wall. Z1 is a 57 year-old Santiago native who looks like she could be 70 because of her beautiful long gray hair, lined face and faded but immaculate blouse and skirt. As I asked her my first question, I was happy to see that she looked as if she understood Spanish; at least one leg of the tedious translating process would be eliminated. And so the interview began. When I asked Z1 to tell me her definition of the programa nacional de resarcimiento, she told me instead about the requisite information she had to hand in; I asked L1 to translate the question again, but was met with the same response. Z1 told me the encargado in the muni had asked her how many years it had been since her husband died, and then asked her for photocopies of her ID and those of her children. Later with futher probing as to the documents required for program enrollment Z1 told me she had given a marriage certificate and a death certificate as well. I moved on to ask Z1 if she had received money through the program and she replied no, that the encargado had interviewed her but she hadn’t received any money. She speculated that maybe her inability to procure money had something to do with the fact that she may not have provided all the necessary documents. I asked if the encargado had given her a list, and Z1 responded no although she says she has checked back many times since enrolling in the program to make sure she had submitted everything necessary. She added that she just didn’t understand what had gone wrong, and repeated this phrase throughout the interview along with the word ‘maho’on’, or ‘nothing’ in Tz’utujil. At this point in the interview I wished wholeheartedly that I spoke Tz’utujil so that I could understand the side conversations that occurred between every question between Z1 and L1; was L1 helping Z1 qualify her answers or providing her with alternative wording for the questions that could somehow change their meaning? Whatever the situation, however, I was grateful for Z1’s time and whatever sort of information I could gain from her regardless of the loss inherent in translation. I asked Z1 to describe how she heard about the resarcimiento program; she told me that after her husband died she had become a patrollera here in Santiago to earn money and to keep the pueblo safe from more violence. 2 years ago in 2007 the encargado for the reparations program at the time (a friend of Z1’s who also acted as a patrollero during the war) told her about the programa nacional de resarcimiento and described it to Z1 as a good opportunity for her to receive some compensation for the loss of her husband 26 years before. But the encargado has changed since then, and every time Z1 goes to inquire about the status of her enrollment she is told to be patient. She told me that the names of those to receive resarcimiento payment are announced on the radio station ‘voz de Atitlán’ every month, and that she has been told to expect her name to be called a number of times over the past year. Each time Z1 listens without fail, but has yet to hear her named called. She told me she doesn’t know what to feel about her situation, just that she has no idea if they will ever give her the money she plans to use as her children’s inheritance. “If my husband were alive, he could work and we would have had a house. My sons would have land and an inheritance, but it can never be that way” L1 interprets for Z1. For my last question, I asked Z1 if she had heard about those who are lying to receive reparations. She told me she’s heard about them, although most of them live far away from her in the center of town. She did tell me there are 3 other women in her aldea who have not been able to get reparations, even though their husbands and sons died the same day as hers and others and they all turned in their paperwork on the same day two years ago. L1 seemed surprised by this, and her and Z1 chatted quietly for a second before lapsing into silence. After a moment, I thanked Z1 again for her time and for speaking with me. She told me to thank God instead, for allowing us to be there. I kissed Z1 on the cheek goodbye, she rounded up her weaving materials and the interview and the visit were over.
Interview with F1, #1
6/18/09
Keywords: interview, overcoming obstacles, civil war, Santiago, the muni
This afternoon I got back to Santiago just in time to make my 5 PM appointment to interview F1 at La Clinica Rxiin Tzin a Met just off the main plaza. I was anxious to make it to this meeting on time, especially since our last appointment for an interview fell through due to F1’s busy work schedule as a wet nurse. I went into the main office of the light blue clinic building and asked to be taken to F1’s office. A thin, elegant indigenous woman in glasses introduced herself as F1’s daughter in law, and led me past the line of people waiting for medical attention up a set of dim and narrow concrete to the 2nd floor of the clinic where F1 has her office. I rounded the corner at the top of the stairs and found myself in a large, mostly empty and dimly lit room the size of an average elementary school classroom. There was a blackboard at the head of the room, and in front of it a large wooden table where F1 and one of her work colleagues were seated. As I walked across the dusty wooden floor to join them I heard the rain pounding on the row of windows to my right, and felt like I was in a movie. I greeted F1, and presented myself to her colleague C2 who F1 said would be sitting in on the interview as they were going to keep working after I left. As I introduced my project and the sorts of questions I was planning to ask in our interview, F1 seemed very suspicious. She asked me what direct benefit she would get from our interview, and whether her answering my questions would have any impact on Santiago. I was taken aback, but I told her I planned on giving her and all the other people I’m interviewing a copy of my conclusions as well as presenting a copy of my research to the muni. I reiterated that I would not be using any of her personal information, and she seemed to be calmed by that reassurance. I also let F1 know that if at any point she felt uncomfortable answering the questions I had for her it was more than okay for us to stop. When I thought F1 seemed comfortable, I began. When asked if she could define the programa nacional de resarcimiento in her own words F1 told me it was a type of aid, the government’s minimal recognition of the loss experienced by people who have lost their loved ones in the civil war. She told me shortly that she had received the money, and that it only took 4 months to reach her. I remarked that 4 months seemed very fast, and F1 told me she had friends at the municipality who had helped her. I asked about the requisites for the program, what they were and how the process of applying usually went. F1 responded only by saying there were many requirements, and she didn’t remember. She does not know that when the government began the reparations program, only that she heard about it from her friend the encargado at the muni. F1 also had not heard anything about the fact that some people are lying to receive reparations money. She did tell me that one disadvantage of the program is that they give the same relatively small amount of money to everyone who qualifies for it; F1 says it was difficult to make 24,000Q last in her own household of 4 people, but many households are larger and have more trouble dividing the money without fighting. I asked what she thought about those who have applied for the program but have not received their money, and F1 told me she had heard about that but nothing more. While I was a little frustrated with the brevity and seeming unavailability of her responses, I could tell my interview with F1 was over at that point. I asked her if she knew of anyone else I could talk to, and after talking in Tz’utujil with her friend C2 told me that if I left my phone number she could call me with names if she thought of them. I thanked her, and offered to do any household favors she needed since we’re neighbors for the next 3 weeks. I’m not sure I’ll be able to get in touch with F1 again, and even if I did I’m not sure how much information I’d be able to get.
Interview With F1, #1
Journal Note
6/19/09
Keywords: interview, civil war, journal note, Santiago, overcoming obstacles
This morning over breakfast of mosh and banana in the small kitchen of my host family’s house I had a long chat with my host mother M1. As both of us started to wake up a little more and get ready for the day ahead, she asked me how my work was going. I told her it was going pretty well, I just needed to find more people to interview. I told her I wasn’t sure what I was going to do today since my appointment in Pana fell through, that maybe I would do some writing and try and work on my assignments. M1 asked me if I had interviewed F1 yet, since she’s our family’s neighbor and M1 has known her since they were small children. I told her about our interview yesterday, about how I hadn’t gotten too much information and it seemed like F1 really didn’t want to tell me anything other than the basic details of her experience in the resarcimiento program. M1 was surprised. “She didn’t tell you about her husband?”I shook my head no, and she sighed. “Si pues, it’s very hard for her to tell the story. See, he disappeared.” She told me about the day early in the 1980s when F1 had gone to take her husband breakfast and found his room empty, the crying and mourning that went on down the street for weeks after he didn’t return to the house. M1 told me F1’s husband was a guerrilla, that someone had found out and probably told the army. F1 still doesn’t know what happened to her husband, whether he was burned or shot. “They still don’t know where his body is, they probably never will.” I expressed my surprise and regret, and M1 went on to describe the dark days of the war. She told me those days someone disappeared or was killed every day. “There was a lot of sadness, and so much fear everywhere”, M1 said. She told me the day of the first massacre (Jan. 7, 1981) many people were so afraid they chose to go sleep in the Catholic church instead of in their houses. M1 and her family slept in their neighbor’s house for almost a week after that first tragedy. L2 came in after that, and the two of them discussed for a second. L2 told me there is a set of Catholic sisters they know whose husbands had helped the guerrillas for a long time. Sometime in 1982 these husband decided the best action to take to keep their families safe due to the increase in military violence would be for them to disappear on their own. They ran away early one morning to Antigua, found a house and hid there. However, ‘saber who heard, who found out’ M1 said. The military found out where they had been hiding, rounded up the men in Antigua and brought them back to Santiago to be burned as an example.
Every time I start to feel some frustration or bitterness with the lack of information I’m receiving from certain interviewees, someone brings the situation back into focus for me. Most of the people I have spoken with have suffered through immense tragedies that have left indelible and echoing scars on their daily lives. Why should I expect or demand information from them about their pain? If they share what they’ve gone through, it should be 100% voluntary and an honor for me to listen. My questions don’t probe on that level and shouldn’t anyways. I am very glad for M1 and my conversation today for putting things into perspective, and am going to try my best to keep my priorities in order in my mind.
Better Days
6/19/09
Journal Note
Keywords: obstacles, overcoming obstacles, Santiago, journal note
The past few days have improved considerably over Sunday and Monday from this past week, for which I am incredibly grateful. There are still times when I get really depressed and I’m still more likely to cry at the drop of a hat when I think about home or my uncle David, but for the most part I’ve found staying productive and making sure to leave myself an hour or two at the end of the day to read a book or watch a movie before I go to sleep. The unexpected availability of the mayor on Tuesday and the surprise interview with Z1 came at exactly the right time, and reminded me that I’m capable of making each day as productive as humanly possible. I can honestly say this is the first time that doing academic work has afforded me some comfort and escape when I’m low, and so far I prefer channeling my emotions into my work to channeling them into a night at the bar or sitting around by myself thinking about things too much. I’m more grateful than ever before for the kindness and warmth of my host family and the fact that I can laugh with them; in a strange way, they remind me of my family at home. Meaghan’s presence here has also been invaluable, and our escapes out to sit and talk or to buy entirely too many unhealthy American snacks have helped me remember that in addition to working my butt off here I should also be having fun once in a while. After all I get my assignments done, am working fairly steadily (most days) on my study and we’re in the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen. I think Director and Directora are more than right to warn incoming field school participants about the ‘dark days’ they’ll have while down here, especially around the 3rd week. I’m just happy those bad days are offset by good ones, or else I’d probably be going crazy.
Project Check-in
Methods Note
6/19/09
Keywords: Methods, civil war, Santiago, final paper
Yesterday morning in class in San Pedro we used our time to systematically pick our projects apart in order to get an informed idea of how to proceed. In our small group of 5 we took turns going around the table and stating the purpose of our study in 2 sentences each. After somebody gave their 2 sentences, another classmate was asked to repeat it back to them, and yet another attempted to sum up the main idea in their own words. This seemed like a really tedious idea, but while it was difficult it helped a lot to hear our own ideas echoed back to us so we could figure out what’s working and what needs more clarification or focus. When my turn came I stated that the purpose of my study is to explore and define the effects of the national reparations program on community in Santiago Atitlán. As my classmates tried to repeat my purpose back to me and after I spent about 5 minutes describing the information I’ve gotten and the different types of focuses I could take to continue, Director turned to me and said: “it seems like everyone else has a better idea of what you’re doing than you do”. This rattled me a little, and the more I thought about it the more it seemed like that really is the case. My classmates told me it seems like I’m so immersed in the amount of information I’m getting that it’s become difficult to pull back and look at it as a whole. I got some really valuable suggestions and clarification on my ideas throughout the whole ordeal, and think I have a much better idea of how to shape my final assessment of the information I’ve been gathering. My classmates helped me see the difference and separate importance of taking both an etic and emic perspective in describing the effectiveness and the effects of the resarcimiento program here in Santiago.
In evaluating the effectiveness of the program I will be able to focus purely on the facts; the 36 women statistic that was given to me by the encargado in the muni, the requisite documents for enrollment, the intricacies of the program and its purpose. I have found this information mostly through speaking with officials at the muni and by browsing online. The effect of the program focuses in more on the individual experiences and frustrations within its participants who I am interviewing, and will be the main source for the ethnography and emotion in my study. I think keeping these things disentangled for the majority of my time here will allow me to link the effectiveness and the effect of the program in a causal relationship and to keep my information clearly sorted for analysis.