we're taking this way too slow, take me away from here.

[leahdel88]

So I just watched prozac nation and could identify with it. haha. i'm nowhere near as bad as she was, she was a total NUT...but i dunno. she totally blew everything out of proportion, which i do too (especially with guys) but i do what she does outloud in my head. she saw her bf talking to a girl and she flips and is like 'you're fucking her'. i think somethings up...but then again, i'm usually right. for a long time (i'm talking years) i've felt totally damaged and thought that it would be a guy who would make me feel whole and make me happy. well, i'm as whole as i'm going to get, guys are a hassle and i'm happy right now anyway. after getting tossed someone who's been around all the time for a few months sucks. it makes you wonder why you're not good enough, what their new person has that you dont and it leaves you feeling that they took parts of you. he takes away the part of you that would get happy when he called you, the part of you that fell in love with the way his face smelled when he first woke up, the part of you that could have spent all day doing nothing with him, the part of you that knew he was worth getting over some of your fears, and most importantly the part of you that trusted that he'd never hurt you like the last ones have. It leaves you feeling used, alone, slightly broken and full of holes. it sounds to cliche but apparently i've had to go through all of this a bunch of times to realize that i'm fine on my own. i've let guys build me up and tear me down too many times. i'm not full of holes, any holes i've had i've filled in with other things that won't be taken out or fall apart. time may heal all wounds, no matter how much they hurt and how much you think you'll never get over it. time may heal all wounds but nothing is ever forgotten. You can look back on the good times if you want but then thoughts of the bad times, the lies, the hurt-they'll come next.
i'd love to say and believe that i've learned from my "mistakes" but really, i'm pretty sure i'd do it all over again. it's not that i'm stupid and i definately don't want to hurt again but this is how life is.