Tonight when I came home from doing laundry. there was a stag beetle turned upside down on my front steps, kicking his legs frantically
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First off, to say I’m highly impressed and moved by how eloquent your writing is would be vastly pale to the truth. I utterly identify with the poor kicking beetle, and although it would have skeeved me out, I would have had to turn him over too. You should write, and write often.
Secondly, for some odd reason I have this overwhelming protective thing going on with you. You're my coworker, you’re my friend, and maybe because you're the same age as a) one of my step-daughters, and b) two of my nieces, I feel the need to make sure you're OK.
You and I spoke a few times of the stuff you've done in your life. I was horribly impressed by the fact that at such a young age you picked up and moved out here. You've tackled some rather large life decisions in a fairly young life, and I'm extremely in awe of that. (Slightly jealous as well, since at your age I was the largest chicken ever and hid from my own shadow).
What I just read from you sounds so much like a struggle with changes. Large life changes all at once... and it seems to me that in the past you handled those changes by making a larger change. Moving, etc. So it makes perfect sense that with changes hanging around you it seems that picking up and going may be most comfortable. But try and remember that changes are necessary and most of the time leads you to such bigger and better things. Kind of like growing pains. Learning who you are, and what you want out of life sounds like a good thing… and a natural thing and something that shouldn't cause pain/confusion... but in my experience (because remember I'm old as time) I found that any time I encountered growing pains, they were far more painful than other emotional issues. But only painful when I was staying true to myself. (It’s far easier to let someone else tell you how to grow than to do it yourself!)
So, you feel like an upside down beetle... apt description. I view you differently. I see you very much like my favorite plant at home. I've had him for years, you see, and he's a great plant (His name is Olive).
Olive loves sunny windows. Since I've had him I've always had to keep him in a sunny south facing window. Unfortunately a year or so ago Olive became root bound. He loved his little lime green glazed pot, but the pot was too small for his big, life lovin' roots. Olive became a bit scraggly... water ran quickly through by his roots rather than storing itself in the soil... Ollie needed help. I bought him a new pot, with bright vertical stripes, bought him new soil, and carefully transplanted him. The change was not at all welcomed by Ollie who promptly drooped, dropped some of his leaves, and struggled. Basically, he was damned uncomfy with the change and was slightly pissed at me for it.
Olive still had his window, which he loved... had his roots firmly planted in very good, healthy soil, and had a beautiful new pot to snuggle in, but he was unhappy with the forced changes. Eventually, within a few weeks he decided change wasn't all that bad and perked right up.
Long arduous story I know...so...well, maybe you need to be repotted a bit. Not as in moved so much… but perhaps you need to view your changes as helpful. What are you learning from them? What do they signify? What direction are they moving you in? You're lonely… Why? Figure that out. If you're happy with who you are you may feel like you want company, but you can't be truly lonely.
Paying someone to listen to you talk would probably be vastly helpful. They don't just sit there drooling on themselves while you spill secrets... they lead you to find some answers to questions that sometimes we don't even know we're asking.
Anyway.... long and drawn out as most of my (not always thought worthy) advice is, you're cared about, and you're a pretty unique person with gifts, talents and friends. Take it easy on yourself. Take a few breaths.
OH... and you know you're always welcome to call me. Even if you just feel like venting... or making fun of someone (I have a list of interesting characters I can tell you about so you can mock them with me) or TXT me and we can’ do the virtual ‘hang’ thing. You should bring Norman here sometime, too… We have a HUGE park here that’s pretty popular with bikers. (I think even Noah has visited a few times).
I really loved this response. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this to me. I've read and re-read it several times this weekend. You make some very valid and insightful points. I deal with change by making bigger changes... I won't be lonely when I truly love myself... etc.
I had a really great weekend on Cape Cod, and I wouldn't have had that if I wasn't single at this point in my life. I'm doing what I set out to do, which was to really experience this summer and to spend time getting to know myself. I feel better already, and I know I have some growing to do... The changes in my life are primarily for the better, so I have much to be optimistic about.
Secondly, for some odd reason I have this overwhelming protective thing going on with you. You're my coworker, you’re my friend, and maybe because you're the same age as a) one of my step-daughters, and b) two of my nieces, I feel the need to make sure you're OK.
You and I spoke a few times of the stuff you've done in your life. I was horribly impressed by the fact that at such a young age you picked up and moved out here. You've tackled some rather large life decisions in a fairly young life, and I'm extremely in awe of that. (Slightly jealous as well, since at your age I was the largest chicken ever and hid from my own shadow).
What I just read from you sounds so much like a struggle with changes. Large life changes all at once... and it seems to me that in the past you handled those changes by making a larger change. Moving, etc. So it makes perfect sense that with changes hanging around you it seems that picking up and going may be most comfortable. But try and remember that changes are necessary and most of the time leads you to such bigger and better things. Kind of like growing pains. Learning who you are, and what you want out of life sounds like a good thing… and a natural thing and something that shouldn't cause pain/confusion... but in my experience (because remember I'm old as time) I found that any time I encountered growing pains, they were far more painful than other emotional issues. But only painful when I was staying true to myself. (It’s far easier to let someone else tell you how to grow than to do it yourself!)
So, you feel like an upside down beetle... apt description. I view you differently. I see you very much like my favorite plant at home. I've had him for years, you see, and he's a great plant (His name is Olive).
Olive loves sunny windows. Since I've had him I've always had to keep him in a sunny south facing window. Unfortunately a year or so ago Olive became root bound. He loved his little lime green glazed pot, but the pot was too small for his big, life lovin' roots. Olive became a bit scraggly... water ran quickly through by his roots rather than storing itself in the soil... Ollie needed help. I bought him a new pot, with bright vertical stripes, bought him new soil, and carefully transplanted him. The change was not at all welcomed by Ollie who promptly drooped, dropped some of his leaves, and struggled. Basically, he was damned uncomfy with the change and was slightly pissed at me for it.
Olive still had his window, which he loved... had his roots firmly planted in very good, healthy soil, and had a beautiful new pot to snuggle in, but he was unhappy with the forced changes. Eventually, within a few weeks he decided change wasn't all that bad and perked right up.
Long arduous story I know...so...well, maybe you need to be repotted a bit. Not as in moved so much… but perhaps you need to view your changes as helpful. What are you learning from them? What do they signify? What direction are they moving you in? You're lonely… Why? Figure that out. If you're happy with who you are you may feel like you want company, but you can't be truly lonely.
Paying someone to listen to you talk would probably be vastly helpful. They don't just sit there drooling on themselves while you spill secrets... they lead you to find some answers to questions that sometimes we don't even know we're asking.
Anyway.... long and drawn out as most of my (not always thought worthy) advice is, you're cared about, and you're a pretty unique person with gifts, talents and friends. Take it easy on yourself. Take a few breaths.
OH... and you know you're always welcome to call me. Even if you just feel like venting... or making fun of someone (I have a list of interesting characters I can tell you about so you can mock them with me) or TXT me and we can’ do the virtual ‘hang’ thing. You should bring Norman here sometime, too… We have a HUGE park here that’s pretty popular with bikers. (I think even Noah has visited a few times).
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I had a really great weekend on Cape Cod, and I wouldn't have had that if I wasn't single at this point in my life. I'm doing what I set out to do, which was to really experience this summer and to spend time getting to know myself. I feel better already, and I know I have some growing to do... The changes in my life are primarily for the better, so I have much to be optimistic about.
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