(no subject)
well i really dont know what to say. nothing that i ususally say seems important anymore.
I got home today and took a nap and Jackie called and asked if i had talked to Mammaw today. I said No. Daddy Hadnt either. so i said i would go and check on her. Jackie said I would rather your dad. I said no I'll do it. She said are you sure I said yeah its ok.
On my way out to the car I was thinking I am 18 years old I should be able to handle these kind of things. I mean 18 years old is considered adult. on the way to her house i thought about how much i diliked my mom for the things that she has done. i decided that she always loved us though. Well i got to Mammaws house and she didnt answer the door. So i called her house but no one answered. So I went around back and opened the back door. The chain lock was on it but I got it off easier than I thought it would be. The house was cold and there was no lights on. I checked to see if her car was there and it was. i called for her but with no answer i headed up stairs. There was a sound like water was running but it was just the fire alarm going dead. I touched it and it beeped really loud. all the doors were closed. i looked in papaws old room first and called her name. I was putting off the inevitable, her room. I took a deep breath and hoped for the best before slowly opening the door. Thats where i found her. She was in bed, looked like she was asleep. I didnt go but maybe two steps into the room. I called her name. again and again. but with no answer. I was thinking this is not happening. no. I thought i saw her breathing. but then i looked more closely and realized that she wasnt breathing. i watched for her to breath for a long time. I then went into a hysterical state of confusion. I called my dad no one answered . i left a message with me crying on it telling someone to please answer the phone. Then i called Heather. I think i called her from mammaws house phone. so she wasnt expecting it to be me on the other line crying. I think i managed to get out Mammaws in the bed I have to call daddy. I called daddy and told him that i didnt know what had happened. i said mammaws in the bed and i dont think shes breathing.he said he was coming over. i called jackie but i dont know what i said. when dady got there he checked her. He shook her and called her name out. but she didnt respond. then he said it . shes dead. he said that she was cold as ice.
so tonight has been full of shock. i feel like a semi truck hit me in the chest. They say that she died in her sleep of either a heart attack or a stroke. Then we called the ambulance and while we waited. we sat there with her and daddy talked to her. everything else that happened after that just mixed together. i called heather and told her. or well she figured it out cause i was crying . she started denying it. i was like heather yes she is. Tina was the first one to show up. really fast actually. i dont even know how she knew about it. i think teresa called her.
all i can think is this is unbelievable. there was nothing wrong with her. she was healthy and in good shape for 75 years old. i have had a bad feeling for a few weeks. i had this same feeling when Jenny died. I have spent alot of time with her lately and i thank the Lord that he has motivated me or moved me to go over there this week.
I was talking to heather about it tonight and this is the day that i have dreaded the most ever since i was little and my pappaw died. i have thought about this day alot. I thought i would die when this day came. i knew it was goign to come but i thought i would be dreading it alot longer. She was spose to outlive me. she wont be at my prom or my wedding or be a great grandmother. who is going to dance at my wedding. she always said she would dance at my wedding.
what am i going to do.
I got home today and took a nap and Jackie called and asked if i had talked to Mammaw today. I said No. Daddy Hadnt either. so i said i would go and check on her. Jackie said I would rather your dad. I said no I'll do it. She said are you sure I said yeah its ok.
On my way out to the car I was thinking I am 18 years old I should be able to handle these kind of things. I mean 18 years old is considered adult. on the way to her house i thought about how much i diliked my mom for the things that she has done. i decided that she always loved us though. Well i got to Mammaws house and she didnt answer the door. So i called her house but no one answered. So I went around back and opened the back door. The chain lock was on it but I got it off easier than I thought it would be. The house was cold and there was no lights on. I checked to see if her car was there and it was. i called for her but with no answer i headed up stairs. There was a sound like water was running but it was just the fire alarm going dead. I touched it and it beeped really loud. all the doors were closed. i looked in papaws old room first and called her name. I was putting off the inevitable, her room. I took a deep breath and hoped for the best before slowly opening the door. Thats where i found her. She was in bed, looked like she was asleep. I didnt go but maybe two steps into the room. I called her name. again and again. but with no answer. I was thinking this is not happening. no. I thought i saw her breathing. but then i looked more closely and realized that she wasnt breathing. i watched for her to breath for a long time. I then went into a hysterical state of confusion. I called my dad no one answered . i left a message with me crying on it telling someone to please answer the phone. Then i called Heather. I think i called her from mammaws house phone. so she wasnt expecting it to be me on the other line crying. I think i managed to get out Mammaws in the bed I have to call daddy. I called daddy and told him that i didnt know what had happened. i said mammaws in the bed and i dont think shes breathing.he said he was coming over. i called jackie but i dont know what i said. when dady got there he checked her. He shook her and called her name out. but she didnt respond. then he said it . shes dead. he said that she was cold as ice.
so tonight has been full of shock. i feel like a semi truck hit me in the chest. They say that she died in her sleep of either a heart attack or a stroke. Then we called the ambulance and while we waited. we sat there with her and daddy talked to her. everything else that happened after that just mixed together. i called heather and told her. or well she figured it out cause i was crying . she started denying it. i was like heather yes she is. Tina was the first one to show up. really fast actually. i dont even know how she knew about it. i think teresa called her.
all i can think is this is unbelievable. there was nothing wrong with her. she was healthy and in good shape for 75 years old. i have had a bad feeling for a few weeks. i had this same feeling when Jenny died. I have spent alot of time with her lately and i thank the Lord that he has motivated me or moved me to go over there this week.
I was talking to heather about it tonight and this is the day that i have dreaded the most ever since i was little and my pappaw died. i have thought about this day alot. I thought i would die when this day came. i knew it was goign to come but i thought i would be dreading it alot longer. She was spose to outlive me. she wont be at my prom or my wedding or be a great grandmother. who is going to dance at my wedding. she always said she would dance at my wedding.
what am i going to do.