(no subject)

[leafygirl]

sometimes.. life is hard, and sometimes it's funny... and sometimes it's both at the same time. which is where i'm finding myself at this moment. i don't want to go into my evening, but rundown... went to a bible study called "bad girls of the bible" which is actually very good, but the topic centered around marriage and faithfulness, and i felt so completely out of place. here i am with a group of women where i should be able to talk freely without worries and having a hard time saying anything at all. i was faithfull, i was faithfull after the fact, but it's hard. i've recently realized how much i'm afraid to even get close to a guy again. i want to have that someday, that intimacy, but i don't know if i can. i don't know if i can open myself up like that again, only to be let down. not that i expect that, it's just i didn't expect it this last time, i don't want to ever go through that again.. i wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. but it happens, and what are the chances it might happen again, especially in this day and age? but i don't want to grow old alone... i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

ok, enough of that, i'm amused. i just received an email from an old friend from highschool inviting me to our alumni soccer game. second line "don't say you haven't played since and you're out of shape". honest to God.. i haven't "played" since and I AM out of shape!!! but it sounds fun and he did say it was just for fun and that we'd be bbqing after... so i may go, i have a month to prepare myself for it... july 28th. plenty of time... we'll see.

well, i'm drunk (surprisingly spelling well, but still going to use spell check) and i'm tired.. so i'm off!!!