Nothing...
~~~I'm so tired... I'm so sick of it... I hurt so much... I am so lonely. So? Exactly.
~~~I should be happy, jovial, estatic... I witnessed a wedding between two great friends, met a mass of people who are all great, played capture the flag downtown, and watched a live play of Rocky Horror... Why shouldn't I be simply wonderful? Because it's over? I dont know...
~~~I got in my car and drove home exhausted... Then it started to hit me... I'm all alone and there isnt anyone who cares. Yeah I have my friends... I have my family... But they dont understand. I find no comfort with them... Solice may as well be a frappe at Friendlies. All I can do right now is try not to weep. It's a full time job not being self destructive... I just wish it paid well.
~~~All I have felt these last few months is rejection and unwelcomeness. I want to pour my heart out, I want to be touched, I want someone to hold me and tell me everything will get better... Why cant I have that? Have I done something so horrible to offend God?
~~~Every night I drive home with my passenger side empty as I sit there in the dark. I have no smile to come home too. I have no smile to wake up too. Every time I feel affection I start hurting all over again. It's not fair. I tell myself every day I'm not allowed to love anything or anyone too much if at all. Everything I have ever cared for has left me. Everything that brought me bliss just rots away and dies. God why does this always have to hurt so much?!
~~~I'm not a bad person. Sometimes I feel as if I'm being treated as I am, like I'm some kind of immoral deviant. I feel like I have to watch my back and that everyone I call a friend is waiting to really get to know me so they can leave me too. I wish it would end. I wish everything would end. I'm tired of telling myself I'm worth something. I'm tired of telling myself there is hope. I'm worth nothing and there is no hope. There is just me. And I'm alone.
~~~I'll deal with it. I always do. I just wish there was someone who cared, who comforted. But that will never happen, I've accepted it. Thats what hurts the most. Hope is dead.
~~~I should be happy, jovial, estatic... I witnessed a wedding between two great friends, met a mass of people who are all great, played capture the flag downtown, and watched a live play of Rocky Horror... Why shouldn't I be simply wonderful? Because it's over? I dont know...
~~~I got in my car and drove home exhausted... Then it started to hit me... I'm all alone and there isnt anyone who cares. Yeah I have my friends... I have my family... But they dont understand. I find no comfort with them... Solice may as well be a frappe at Friendlies. All I can do right now is try not to weep. It's a full time job not being self destructive... I just wish it paid well.
~~~All I have felt these last few months is rejection and unwelcomeness. I want to pour my heart out, I want to be touched, I want someone to hold me and tell me everything will get better... Why cant I have that? Have I done something so horrible to offend God?
~~~Every night I drive home with my passenger side empty as I sit there in the dark. I have no smile to come home too. I have no smile to wake up too. Every time I feel affection I start hurting all over again. It's not fair. I tell myself every day I'm not allowed to love anything or anyone too much if at all. Everything I have ever cared for has left me. Everything that brought me bliss just rots away and dies. God why does this always have to hurt so much?!
~~~I'm not a bad person. Sometimes I feel as if I'm being treated as I am, like I'm some kind of immoral deviant. I feel like I have to watch my back and that everyone I call a friend is waiting to really get to know me so they can leave me too. I wish it would end. I wish everything would end. I'm tired of telling myself I'm worth something. I'm tired of telling myself there is hope. I'm worth nothing and there is no hope. There is just me. And I'm alone.
~~~I'll deal with it. I always do. I just wish there was someone who cared, who comforted. But that will never happen, I've accepted it. Thats what hurts the most. Hope is dead.