Arashi fic - Christmas Fic

Dec 23, 2014 21:53

Title: Christmas Fic
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1221
Pairing: Gen
Genre: AU
Summary: Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh
Disclaimer: Don’t own, all fiction
Notes: Written for Christmas 2010. AU, Christmassy, vaguely fluffy and mildly cracky.


On the first day of his temporary job they introduced him to the rest of the crew, lounging and waiting, and at his entrance they appraised him with barely disguised interest and eager predation. Trepidation crawled up his spine.

The Santa guy had a Santa face - benevolent and round and twinkly eyes and a bit of puppy fat, needing just the wig, beard and Santa hat to round it off, but he was too, too tanned for Santa. Maybe the North Pole ran out of sunblock. Or, a tropical Santa, he thought. Christmas on the equator. Santa looked equally as though he was deep in wise thought, or about to fall asleep, but smiled very kindly at him when introduced. He had a feeling this Santa preferred fishing with a beer in hand at sea, than falling through chimneys for cookies and milk.

The elf seemed to have inherited the appearance and stature of elves, and the nature of imps. He poked Santa in the side with his elbow, made some snarky remark about Santa abandoning Christmas to go fishing in the tropics and making the kids cry, and smirked at him in a knowing way like he could see through him completely, that made his spine crawl, a little. This guy was going to be a lot of fun, he thought, as long as he wasn’t the primary target of his snark.

The reindeer was doing all the introductions and frowning at the crew like their manager, herding them like their shepherd, and nagging at them like their mother. He looked terribly harried, turning purple when the elf interrupted smugly, Reindeer is actually from one of the top universities! But when you see him stuffed into the reindeer costume, you’ll wonder how he was accepted.

You elf...!

Hee reindeer, your nose is turning red. Careful you don’t turn into the song.

He couldn’t tell, really. Reindeer had a good face, he filed away for later. Unlike most reindeers he was actually pretty good-looking. The reindeer was quite muscular as well - he didn’t have to actually pull the Santa around in a sleigh, did he?

Santarina was off scowling to the side, snapping it’s Santarina, not Mrs Claus, got it? He tilted his head in bewilderment. Why did they get a guy to cross-dress as a Santarina, surely there’s no dearth of pretty girls for the role. Though Santarina was very pretty for a guy, slender and pale, face sculpted out of marble and head full of curls and holding himself up in a manner that implied royalty, not cross-dressing Santarina. As if reading his mind, the elf piped up, girls shop, girls shop way more than guys, and for some reason, girls seemed to like Santarina here dressed up as, well, Santarina, rather than just a basic elf. You should hear the screams he gets. Echoes throughout the whole mall. Security called in. The reindeer chipped in helpfully, the management thought an all-male Santa group would be an unique selling point.

He nodded thoughtfully, and mused, Santarina is very pretty (and Santarina scowled deeper, the elf snickered and the reindeer was trying to hide a smile), and does look the part except for the-

He’d meant to say eyebrows, though ‘caterpillar’ was the first word that’d jumped into his mind, he kept telling himself don’t think caterpillars, don’t think caterpillars, and of course what he blurted out was-

Caterpillars.

All hell broke loose.

Santarina had escalated quickly from scowl to full yelling eruption, heavy-set rings on fingers coming straight for him and millions of years of human evolutionary survival instinct kicked in and he ducked and ducked. The reindeer jumped in and tried to stop the raging Santarina, only to get an elbow in his stomach and he oof-ed and stumbled to the side in pain. The elf, who’d been watching all this with open amusement, finally sighed and doved in to yank him out of the way of the Santarina gone berserk. Except he lost his balance and starting falling, and grabbed the elf with him on his way down. And the elf started flailing and trying to push him off, but only managed to knock the Santarina down as well. And they all landed on the poor reindeer, who’d tried to escape but failed to do so in time.

And the Santa was just standing to the side, unnoticed, gazing good-naturedly and unhelpfully at them, like a grandfather slyly watching his grandkids pummel each other and thinking it was his son’s payback.

When they finally pulled apart on the ground, the elf leaned over and smacked him hard on the head, and tossed out are you an idiot! but he could see unmistakable joy in the elf’s eyes. The elf was enjoying this, he realised. The reindeer was clutching his stomach and moaning way too dramatically, the Santarina glared at the elf and choked out you!, the elf glared back at Santarina, you started it!, turned back to him and smacked him again for good measure, and he was gasping for breath and rubbing his head. And the Santa smiled serenely from above, never having moved even an inch to help, and beamed at them, there, there, it’s so nice to see you youngsters getting along so well.

The reindeer, elf and Santarina all tossed each other a look so quick he barely caught it (and the reindeer seemed to have made a miraculous and instantaneous recovery), grabbed their respective Santa hats that had fallen off in the struggle off the ground, and threw their hats at Santa as one.

How united, he thought admiringly. Apparently the Santa thought so too, for he pretended to wince and look injured after the flurry of hats landed, but when he caught Santa’s eyes, Santa winked at him.

As they pulled each other up, grumbling and mutually dusting off, he realised he still had no idea what he was supposed to be.

When he voiced that question out loud, the elf spun around and informed him primly, why, you’re the sleigh, of course. They have a custom-made wooden costume built for you. Green and red, very pretty, and Santa, Santarina and I will ride on you, when we’re distributing gifts.

At his slack-jaw, mouth agape look, the reindeer sighed the long-suffering sigh of a mother who’d had to keep her brood in line for far too long. Don’t listen to him, he’s just pulling your leg. You’ll be a reindeer like me. And no, there’s no pulling of anyone around here, they can walk perfectly fine. (The reindeer shot a glare at the elf, the elf only smirked.)

He bowed to the reindeer at once. Senior reindeer, please give me your guidance in future!

Santarina and the elf started sniggering, while the reindeer tried very hard to keep the smile (and the pleased look) off his face, coughed and started herding everyone into the dressing room.

As they exited the room in a laughing rowdy mess, the smacks real and the affection even more so, the reindeer turned around and flashed a smile at him, corners of his eyes crinkling, come along then, you should try on your costume.

He flashed a big smile in return, and hurried after them. This might just be more fun than he’d expected.

au, arashi fic

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