(no subject)
everything feels a bit surreal right now. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe because there are a lot of decisions to be made, and I'm just not making them. Maybe because for now, everything is indefinate. I was avoiding any attachments because of my plans to move to Ohio. But I don't need to move tommorow. Just having the option is enough right now.
I feel like this is how everything is supposed to feel. Short-term plans with expiration-date friends. Wondering how he feels. Doing my hair and feeling pretty enough. Planning to go to Haiti. Writing without a goal or deadline, but knocking out pages and adding to my list of accomplishments. Getting the things I need to get done, and hesitating over things I don't need to get done. Pushing plans back and forth in my head and mouth and seeing how they sound and feel. And not thinking of the problems and the restrictions, and if I do think of them, just moving to the next thought.
It's like I'm watching a movie about a character I've always been jealous of. But not anymore. Now you can all be jealous of me. Fuckit.
I feel like this is how everything is supposed to feel. Short-term plans with expiration-date friends. Wondering how he feels. Doing my hair and feeling pretty enough. Planning to go to Haiti. Writing without a goal or deadline, but knocking out pages and adding to my list of accomplishments. Getting the things I need to get done, and hesitating over things I don't need to get done. Pushing plans back and forth in my head and mouth and seeing how they sound and feel. And not thinking of the problems and the restrictions, and if I do think of them, just moving to the next thought.
It's like I'm watching a movie about a character I've always been jealous of. But not anymore. Now you can all be jealous of me. Fuckit.