water is supposed to be consumed by the gallon.
Most of my formative relatsionships have been...induced (ha) by alcohol. If not severely influenced by that lifestyle; not iiving through my own mind...maybe? I haven't had a relationship where all we did was party cause its' def. not like that. But I find myself wondering whether I'm capable of having a sober adult relationship. I wonder if I'm capable of being sober. Really I'm handling my alcohol consistenly well, no problem to solve? Thinking about it, if I'm going to party ever in my life, it's going to be now because I don't want to be in my 30's or 40's with my gut hanging over my cutoff shorts, .40 in one hand, hand rolled cigarette in the other. Haha... but for real...to quit drinking would be a jolting and possibly severe lifestyle change. Everytime I tell myself I'm not going to drink at a party an hour or so after being there I'm on my way to the store. I wonder if it wouldn't be that big of a deal, but I also wonder if my ambitions would migrate from making it to the party store in time to...other things, who knows?
The past few days I've tried to let my little woman and all that she is sink deeper into my mind. I feel as though I am gaining so much from this experience yet I don't know exactly what it is. Maybe it's compassion. Maybe it's better than unconditiona love. It's humbling, some of the time. To gently wash her hair while keeping water out of her eyes, to trim her toenails and see how much she enjoys a foot massage. ANd maybe it's a force that keeps me from moving for just a moment or two, helping her out of a chair, leading her step by shaky step from room to room. I do enjoy talking to her, woman to woman, not forgetting that this lady is all but forgotton.
I would like to stop looking at my faults as strengths, find the weakness and let it go. I want better. Take action...why is it so hard for me? What am I missing?
The past few days I've tried to let my little woman and all that she is sink deeper into my mind. I feel as though I am gaining so much from this experience yet I don't know exactly what it is. Maybe it's compassion. Maybe it's better than unconditiona love. It's humbling, some of the time. To gently wash her hair while keeping water out of her eyes, to trim her toenails and see how much she enjoys a foot massage. ANd maybe it's a force that keeps me from moving for just a moment or two, helping her out of a chair, leading her step by shaky step from room to room. I do enjoy talking to her, woman to woman, not forgetting that this lady is all but forgotton.
I would like to stop looking at my faults as strengths, find the weakness and let it go. I want better. Take action...why is it so hard for me? What am I missing?