Growing Up
Sheesh. The only time I usually write in here is when I feel like this is my only escape. I can write whatever I feel like and nobody will interupt me. If you judge me...whatever, shut up. It's MY journal. Haha.
So..now an update since I last posted on here:
I was really stressed out about dating so many guys and trying not to hurt their feelings or anything. I was going on like one or two dates every weekend for a while.
It got to the point where I would go out on a date and all I would want to do is go home and cry because of what I had become. I was someone who went out with guys because..to me it was better than being alone. It was like my therapy for breaking up with Matt and being so confused in just about every department.
My friends and I made a bet that starting November 1st, I wouldn't go on a date with a guy. If I did, I would take Lisa on a date. Dinner and a movie. And pay for all of it. That can get pretty freakin expensive (especially now that I dont have a job anymore!) so I haven't. There's that reason and plus, I thought it would be a good chance for me to really figure things out on my own. No going out on the weekends, no phone calls from boys at night, no kissing, no nothing. It's been a month and 6 days. :-)
I'm supposed to be concentrating on myself. My school, my friends, and figuring things out about the whole religion thing.
School:
I'm weak. I'm taking three classes. English, Sociology, and a sort of gym class where we just work out a certain amount through the semester at the school. In English we seriously have SOOOO many papers to write! I'm really behind. In Sociology we have reading and tests about every two or three weeks and then at the end of the semester we have a 10 page report due. (which, by the way is about teen girls and the pressures they face.)I don't know if I went enough times to the gym to even get credit. And I'm moving up north to go to school but I have really no idea how to transfer credits (the few i have) and get into the school. I applied online but that's it. I havent recieved and email or phone call from them. I think ill call tomorrow to talk to a counselor there.
Friends:
I don't talk to really any of my friends anymore. The only time I do is, to tell the truth, when it's convenient for both of us. I see Kelli the most because we have English together and we carpool. Lately we've hung out with David (read my last entry for background info) and that's been fun. He leaves for Australia on Monday. I want to cry just thinking about it. But we're going to write and I'm moving anyway so maybe when he comes back..by then I'll be a confident, single young woman who knows what I want. I'll only be 20 when he comes back. That's young! Piece of cake, right? I'll just keep my mind on work and school...maybe go on a few dates here and there. I don't know how to explain it but...when he talks... it makes sense to me. I agree with a lot of things he says. It sounds stupid but...we click. Maybe it's my imagination..it probably is. But then, I've always had an unreasonable infatuation with him. *sigh*
Religion: Who knows? Part of me feels like I'm just not ready to know. But another part of me really is dying to know the truth. Will I go against the teachings I grew up with? Or will I make my own path? I'm looking forward to Davids talk on sunday at his farewell. He says that half of his extended family who is coming has never been to church so it's a lot of pressure on him. Plus Kelli, who isn't LDS. And me..who is but isnt. I don't know what it is...David just makes me want to be a better person.
Ok. That is all. I'm still obsessed with David, still stressed out because I procrastinate, and still as confused as ever. I guess it's all part of growing up. The end.
So..now an update since I last posted on here:
I was really stressed out about dating so many guys and trying not to hurt their feelings or anything. I was going on like one or two dates every weekend for a while.
It got to the point where I would go out on a date and all I would want to do is go home and cry because of what I had become. I was someone who went out with guys because..to me it was better than being alone. It was like my therapy for breaking up with Matt and being so confused in just about every department.
My friends and I made a bet that starting November 1st, I wouldn't go on a date with a guy. If I did, I would take Lisa on a date. Dinner and a movie. And pay for all of it. That can get pretty freakin expensive (especially now that I dont have a job anymore!) so I haven't. There's that reason and plus, I thought it would be a good chance for me to really figure things out on my own. No going out on the weekends, no phone calls from boys at night, no kissing, no nothing. It's been a month and 6 days. :-)
I'm supposed to be concentrating on myself. My school, my friends, and figuring things out about the whole religion thing.
School:
I'm weak. I'm taking three classes. English, Sociology, and a sort of gym class where we just work out a certain amount through the semester at the school. In English we seriously have SOOOO many papers to write! I'm really behind. In Sociology we have reading and tests about every two or three weeks and then at the end of the semester we have a 10 page report due. (which, by the way is about teen girls and the pressures they face.)I don't know if I went enough times to the gym to even get credit. And I'm moving up north to go to school but I have really no idea how to transfer credits (the few i have) and get into the school. I applied online but that's it. I havent recieved and email or phone call from them. I think ill call tomorrow to talk to a counselor there.
Friends:
I don't talk to really any of my friends anymore. The only time I do is, to tell the truth, when it's convenient for both of us. I see Kelli the most because we have English together and we carpool. Lately we've hung out with David (read my last entry for background info) and that's been fun. He leaves for Australia on Monday. I want to cry just thinking about it. But we're going to write and I'm moving anyway so maybe when he comes back..by then I'll be a confident, single young woman who knows what I want. I'll only be 20 when he comes back. That's young! Piece of cake, right? I'll just keep my mind on work and school...maybe go on a few dates here and there. I don't know how to explain it but...when he talks... it makes sense to me. I agree with a lot of things he says. It sounds stupid but...we click. Maybe it's my imagination..it probably is. But then, I've always had an unreasonable infatuation with him. *sigh*
Religion: Who knows? Part of me feels like I'm just not ready to know. But another part of me really is dying to know the truth. Will I go against the teachings I grew up with? Or will I make my own path? I'm looking forward to Davids talk on sunday at his farewell. He says that half of his extended family who is coming has never been to church so it's a lot of pressure on him. Plus Kelli, who isn't LDS. And me..who is but isnt. I don't know what it is...David just makes me want to be a better person.
Ok. That is all. I'm still obsessed with David, still stressed out because I procrastinate, and still as confused as ever. I guess it's all part of growing up. The end.