Family Reunion - Part 1
FAMILY REUNION
Sequel to the on-going saga of Desmond and Becky
Rated: PG
Part 1
The boat rocked softly as it was approaching the shore, it was slowing down, waiting to dock in the crowded port. The setting sun has put a golden veil on the city in front of us, the palm-trees were shivering in the evening breeze. I looked with confused feelings at the beaming faces around me, everybody seemed contented but me. I was happy to see my family again - at least my brother because he was the only one who lived in Los Angeles at the moment. But the rescue came so suddenly, everything happened so fast that I felt like somebody just pulled the ground out from under my feet - literally. I might have been in the minority, but I wasn’t the only one who found true happiness on that island, still as I looked around at them, no one was showing concern that they might lose it.
We never talked about what would happen if we get rescued, not even after they came and boarded us all in the boat. He was still the same sweet guy that captured my heart and filled my life with meaning, but we carefully avoided even the slightest allusion to the future. Now he was standing a few feet away looking out to the same horizon and I would have given serious money to know what he was thinking. It was so easy just a few days ago, back on the island to ask him anything - what’s on his mind, what’s troubling him, what’s making him content, but everything has changed and I just didn’t know how we’d live, what’s next? I felt guilty in many ways for I had the urge to turn that boat around and run back to our paradise. Life was simple on the island. We made our choice to be together, but other than that we just went with the flow. Back in the real world there were a great variety of new choices that frightened me and confused me.
* * *
The farewell was agitated and messy. Everybody was talking to everybody, people were hugging and making promises that they’d keep in touch - promises that they were bound to forget as soon as they were out of each other’s sight. We were a family for months, we depended on each other, we trusted one another. But it was time for us to go back to our lives that had been so violently interrupted by the crash. It was hard for us and I couldn’t even begin to imagine how Desmond felt, who missed out years not months from his life.
The dock began to clear and I tried to smile valiantly after Jack and Claire who departed together with Charlie - a new found family that kept them going in the darkest times on the island. Then he touched my shoulder lightly, turning me to face him.
“Becky” he started softly, and I would have given anything to stop him from talking.
“Des... you could come with me... I’ve told you I’m going to my brother’s until I figure out what to do next, he’d take you in gladly...” I made a feeble attempt. He shook his head, just like I expected.
“No, it won’t do. I have to put myself on my own feet first.” He ran his fingers through my hair, his eyes were smiling. I couldn’t understand him. It seemed the goodbye didn’t affect him at all and it hurt more than the goodbye itself.
“But... I can’t be without you” I said very quietly, reddening up to the tip of my ears with embarrassment. A few months ago I would never have dreamt to utter such words to a man.
He didn’t laugh, he only said piercing me with his shining eyes
“Good.” He kissed me lightly on the lips, caressing my face with his thumb. I inhaled his smell to have it with me a little longer, and he walked away throwing his red bag on his back, I looked after him with aching heart. There’s nothing good about a goodbye... It’s the most uninspired word of the English language.
* * *
I was a bit jittery when I touched the doorbell. I didn’t know what they were told, what my brother was thinking that have become of me. Shifting footsteps, the door opened, and he stared at me for a whole minute.
Never in my life have I seen James cry before. But when he held me, speechless and shocked, tears were leaking from his eyes. I couldn’t help it either, it hit me with full force what they had gone through in the last few months.
We spent the whole night talking. He told me they actually kept a memorial service for me, they were told that 815 had crashed in the middle of the ocean, and that there were no survivors.
“They showed us pictures of the ruins, from the bottom of the ocean” he said shaking his head.
In return I told him about our unlikely adventures in a place that cannot exist. I spoke of the polar bears, about the stations, about the others, about each and every survivor - except one. I couldn’t bring myself to utter his name, it hurt too much. James saw that I was altered, but he didn’t ask questions. Perhaps he thought that such an experience must leave marks on anybody.
* * *
The next days were a blurry dream of reunions, my parents flew in one breath to LA and I kept having embarrassing conversations through the phone with everybody I used to know. I felt strangely out of place in the civilized world, it was a great effort and consumed my whole energy to pretend that I was relieved and happy to be back. My job was gone, they have sold my apartment; the world hadn’t stopped for my sake it seemed but went on without me quite well. I tried to take it positively, life had given me a fresh start. If I wanted to make a change, if I wanted to decide what to do with my life the time was here... But instead of optimism, instead of great plans I just felt numb. I missed Desmond so much that at times it felt impossible to breathe. I was seeing him everywhere, many times I had the feeling that he will come through the door, turn around the next corner... Other times when I saw something funny or interesting I had the urge to share it with him right away... It felt like I was missing a limb.
After a couple of weeks of horrible time I decided to at least try and recover some of my normality. I couldn’t stand the idea of going back to my desk job - it was taken anyway so I tried considering other options. I had some psychological training, I worked with children before so I applied for a job in a primary school as counselor. It brought back some cheerfulness in my life, being around small kids was like walking in sunshine again. I couldn’t have my life back, so I made efforts to build a new life step by step.
For six weeks I haven’t heard a single word from Desmond - except one single occasion. It was in my third week back, I was just beginning my new job and when I got home James told me on a perfectly indifferent tone that someone called, a guy with a strange accent. My legs were shaking so I had to sit down, my heart was racing madly, but he didn’t leave me any message and as James never considered it to be important, he wasn’t paying attention to the specifics. I spent my every spare minute indoors for the next two weeks for fear that I’d miss his call again, but after long pondering and with a sinking heart I concluded that it wasn’t even sure it was him. A guy with a strange accent could have meant almost any of the survivors or anybody else for that matter. There were two more strange calls, each at a late hour. I ran to the phone whenever it rang but they hung up without a word and it just gave me more headache.
I didn’t know what to think and cursed myself for not demanding explanations when I still could. The uncertainty was worse than anything, so why we left things like that? I was afraid to ask because I was afraid of the answer. I wasn’t the only woman in his heart, I knew that from the beginning but when we got together - really together, he assured me that Penny was in the past. Still, on the island there was only me he could think of, out here it was a different matter. The idea tortured me that he could have looked her up and I’ve lost him forever...
Our farewell was perplexing too because it seemed he leaves me with easy heart, but he never dismissed me, there was no closure, he left it wide open for me to wait for him. I hated his silence most of all because whatever he decided to do, I felt I had a right to at least be informed about it.
* * *
One day, about six weeks after our arrival I had a lunch-date with a friend at a fancy restaurant. She was an old high-school colleague and she was eager to hear about my adventures, she called me several times before and I just couldn’t postpone our date again. I’ve told the story a hundred times already and I wasn’t really looking forward to it as she wasn’t among my favorite people. I liked the restaurant though, so I was expecting our meal with bored composure.
I arrived early so I sat down to the table she reserved for us, in a cozy little corner that had a nice view at the whole place and the street as well through the large window. It was a warm day for March, summer was already in the air and I started to get annoyed as I waited alone at the table. I was looking through the menu absent-mindedly when a couple was just passing my table. I didn’t pay much attention, I only lifted my eyes instinctively and caught a furtive glimpse as they walked out the door, at the same time when my friend was coming in. The man halted for a second and held the door politely to my friend. Sudden daylight poured in from the street, lit his profile briefly and I felt as if someone just punched me in the stomach! I knew that profile from a million, even if I never had the chance to see his face clean-shaven. He looked oddly well dressed, his hair was combed and sleek but his face was unmistakable.
I jumped to my feet in the same moment when Angela arrived to the table, offering the same old excuses for being late. I didn’t even look at her just mumbled something about an emergency and ran for the door. She looked after me outraged, I couldn’t care less. Mad thoughts were crossing my mind, I was shaking uncontrollably. Desmond with a woman at a restaurant, what the heck was going on?
I ran out to the street blinded by the pouring sunlight for a second. I looked around frantically just to spot the pair of them climbing in what looked like a very expensive car. He held the door for her, she sat in the passenger seat. I’ve got a closer look at her but I felt quite sure that it wasn’t Penny. She looked younger and had blazing red hair - something I couldn’t imagine for Desmond’s ex. No, this was a different woman and as far as I could tell, a different Desmond from what I knew.
I jumped into James’s old Volvo and dashed after them. I didn’t stand a chance to keep up were they in a hurry, but it seemed they were at their ease and it only made me angrier. I’d made millions of problems thinking that he didn’t have any money or job, I drove myself crazy with the thought of him in need - only to find that he was more than well? But I couldn’t wrap my brain around this at all. I had to confront him, to see him in the eye, demand all the explanations that I felt were long overdue!
I followed them for twenty minutes or so, deep in my thoughts so when he pulled over I missed it and it was too late, I was stuck in traffic, I couldn’t turn around or slow down. I drove on enraged, at the verge of a real nervous breakdown, I missed them.
I went on for hours, calming down slowly as I left the miles behind. I though over my whole history with Desmond, how we met, the dangers we faced, our great times together... and it seemed impossible for him to act like this. Honesty was the most striking thing about him, it was just not possible that he would hurt me in that way. I had been on the edge since I came back and it was possible that I lost my head a bit. As I chilled down it felt more and more probable that I was just seeing things.
When I arrived back to my brother’s apartment it was nearly midnight. He hasn’t quite made up his mind if he was more worried or mad at me so he shouted and hugged me alternatively.
“What happened? What were you thinking? Thank God you’re ok! Don’t you ever do that again!”
“Did anyone call?” I asked on a broken voice. I felt drained after all the frenzy.
“Dam’ right they did!” I looked at him eagerly. “Angela called, she said you ran out on her like a madwoman, she wanted to know if you were ok... and it was hours ago!”
“Oh.” I said disappointedly. My tears were menacing to flood the room so I turned to run away from his sight. James was not acute when feelings were concerned and we never talked about things of the heart, but he just reached his limit of silent concern.
“What’s wrong sis?” he attempted to hold me back.
“I can’t stand this” I sobbed almost incomprehensibly.
“I’ve known something was wrong since you came back... What did they do to you on that island?” he asked outraged.
“Nothing. They made me really, really... happy” I smiled through my tears.
“If this is your happy, I am afraid to know what miserable looks like.” I didn’t answer. “Oh... er” he drained his voice disconcerted as the knowledge hit him. “A guy”
“THE guy” I answered, and walked off to his great relief that I don’t mean to talk about it.
* * *
A couple of days passed and I attempted to go back to my routine and act like a normal human being to the contentment of everybody. I was far from feeling normal though. I spent as much time alone as I could - I didn’t have to pretend that way, I could finally drop the forced smile from my face that was menacing to give me muscle spasms in my jaw. I liked to drive around at dusk and finally enjoy my misery at its full impact.
One evening as I turned to the street where the fancy restaurant was - for some reason I particularly liked to drive around that part of the city - I saw the same black car parked in front of it in which I’ve seen Desmond! I pulled over close to where it was and waited. I had time to study it, I waited for over an hour. It was a brand new BMW, pretty expensive too. I thought hard, but I just couldn’t imagine him in such a car... no, it had to be a mistake. I longed so hard to see him that my eyes saw what my mind wanted to see. Just as I came to this satisfying conclusion I saw him coming. This time he was alone, he wore a long black cloak over black clothes and a contented expression, he was elegant, even refined. But there was no mistake whatsoever: it was his face, his eyes, his nose...
He climbed into his car and drove away - me on his tail. I was a bit more composed and I was determined not to lose him this time. It was getting dark, the black car was getting harder to see but I glued my eyes on its rear lights, we moved at unison. He turned towards the port and it made a strange, superstitious sense, as that was the place I’ve seen him last.
He parked the car in an open-air parking lot, I followed suit with quickening breathing. He closed the car and walked away with composed steps. It felt strange, I’ve seen him run so many times in my life, this walk was just as out of character as anything else I’ve seen of him lately. I quickened my pace to catch up with him, I just couldn’t shout out his name even if the street was quite deserted. I felt a lump in my throat, I cursed the tears that were gathering once again in my eyes.
(to be continued)
Part 2