The End
“Six-one-five” I said to the receptionist on a monotone. He handed over my key with a knowing look on his face. “Third night in a row, lucky bastard… everybody else is having fun in this place but me…” he was grumbling inside. I tuned him out automatically, his vulgar mind annoyed me. But I guess it was easy to make assumptions about why I stayed in all day and was out all night in Rio. I didn’t really stand out here with my night-time-only lifestyle. They had no idea that I stayed in by necessity; a dreadful 12 hours every day when I was confined to my room by the merciless sun.
I dreaded the day hours more than anything. So much time with nothing to do, just think and remember. I was determined to focus on my plans, my fruitless pursuit of the vampire named Victoria. The address where my investigation brought me tonight didn’t even exist, it frustrated me. I still had a lead that I didn’t check out yet, but I was more and more convinced that it was a wild goose chase. I walked out the elevator on a slow pace even for human eyes. I didn’t want to think about why keeping up the human charade was no problem for me anymore… why I didn’t feel like walking any faster than this… anywhere.
I unlocked the door absent-mindedly; my neighbor was walking out of his room. Middle aged man, slightly balding in a grey suit, enjoying his business trip a little too much. He took one look at my face and cringed away instinctively. “Ugh! What is he staring at?” an undefined panic tinted the cheerful line of his thoughts to darker shades. I smiled bitterly. Here, a sensible reaction to my existence. My eyes were black and it only doubled the effect, I haven’t thought of feeding in quite a while.
My mind drifted involuntarily to her usual reactions to me, even when she found out exactly what kind of a monster I was… the amazing trust in her eyes… I shook my head and walked into my chamber, closed the door behind me. It was both a relief and a torment to find myself all alone in the shadowed room.
I took off my jacket, threw it to a chair and stretched out on the bed. Try as I might to keep my focus on Victoria, the usual visions started flipping through my mind, memories that were both bliss and torture. I could never close my eyes without seeing Bella’s face with perfect clarity, in every little detail. The chocolate depth of her eyes, the roses that colored her cheeks when she blushed, the curve of her lips when she smiled, the tint of red in her hair when the sun lit it, the way the sparkling of my skin reflected in her wondering eyes, the burning heat of her touch on my hand… The agony that I felt the first time when I walked out of Forks didn’t subside one ounce, I just learned to carry the pain, at least 12 hours a day when I did my duty. When I was alone however with nothing to do, the longing for her tore at my whole being. It was ten thousand times worse than any thirst I have ever felt. I curled up to compensate for the hollow feeling inside of me.
What is she doing now? The question never left my mind, not for one second. It was wrong of me to let my thoughts go there, I knew the remorse would follow like every time when I slipped. But just thinking it eased on the pain in my chest, I couldn’t deny myself this small relief. I imagined myself going back to Forks. This daydream haunted me for the last few weeks, each day it was getting harder to resist. I saw myself climbing through her window, steal a look at her sleeping form, make sure she was okay. That wouldn’t hurt anyone, but it would be the world of relief for me! If only I could just see her one more time… just once, and then I’d keep away. But I knew one look would never be enough. If I was there, I could never stop myself from touching her… holding her… I couldn’t go back. I promised I’d stay away. She was safe, I had to believe that. I walked out of Forks and made a tremendous effort to stay away for that sole purpose: to make her safe.
I don’t know how long I let my thoughts drift to forbidden paths; the soft buzz of my cell-phone awakened me from my musings. I left it in my jacket pocket, so I got up from the bed with a sigh. I haven’t called my family in ages, I’d have to listen to their tirade now. I groaned when I saw the number. She hasn’t called me since I left them.
“Hello Rose.” I sighed into the phone.
“Edward. Where are you?” her voice was impatient just as I expected.
“Brazil” I said curtly.
“What the hell are you doing in Brazil?” she asked suspiciously.
“Not that it’s any of your business… I was tracking Victoria. You remember her, don’t you?”
“So it’s still her.” her voice was angry, I could imagine the pout that accompanied that statement. She didn’t mean Victoria. “But you left her! For once in your life you made the right choice, why can’t you stick to it?”
“I have to make sure she is safe.” I whispered through my teeth. I shut my eyes against the pain, her cry was ringing in my ears with mocking echo “You left her! “
“Safe! You idiot.” she snorted.
I opened my eyes wearily.
“What do you mean? Why did you call me Rosalie?”
She took a deep breath before she answered.
“You would find out eventually anyway. You can come home now, there is no need to make a fool of yourself any longer. Alice said… Alice saw her jump off a cliff Edward. She is gone. Alice left to Forks but she didn’t think she could do anything. Even she can’t turn back time. I honestly don’t know what you expected Edward…” the phone fell out of my hand. The room seemed to turn with me though I stood there completely petrified. I could still hear Rosalie talking, but her words didn’t have any sense to me anymore. The horror turned me into a statue, the feeling was wrecking through me even though my brain refused to comprehend the truth. All meaning had left the world if that was true… I couldn’t think, I couldn’t move. I must have stood there for a whole hour, Rosalie’s worried cries were ringing in my ears for a long time. A roar was building in my chest, it was choking me. I doubled over, I panted for a few minutes until I could stand it no more.
“Bella!” her name came out like a thunder, it filled every space around me… I pressed my knuckles to my temples, while the roars rumbled off my chest unstoppably. “What did you do, Bella!”
A timid knock on my door startled me.
“Sir? Are you all right?” a female voice asked me, slightly trembling. I looked around the room, wondering faintly that it was still there, that the world was still intact… it seemed just a moment ago that it came crumbling down around me.
“Sir?” the woman in front of my door was still waiting for my response. She was scared and didn’t want to be there at all. I listened to my own howl in her memory, it was still faint whimpering compared to the intensity of my pain. I had to get rid of her.
“I’m alright” I said in a strangled voice, tried to focus in vain, it was a huge effort to talk. “Bad dream”
She didn’t believe me, but she was thankful for my almost civilized answer, it meant she didn’t have to come in. Her steps were soon dying away on the corridor.
The distraction was useful however because my mind was catching up with the rest of me and with that a small doubt emerged. Bella was no more? How could that be? That was impossible! How come that I didn’t feel the void she left behind? I had the ridiculous notion that we were tied by an invisible string, and that string was still there, intact. Maybe it wasn’t true. Maybe Rosalie was lying. Maybe Alice was wrong: it happened before. I was clinging to that tiny glint of hope with all my despair.
I picked up the phone from the floor and dialed her number. I held my breath while it rang. It seemed like an eternity while I was praying with all my might to hear her voice. Bella, please, please, talk to me, please, make the world whole again.
Instead an unfamiliar voice greeted me.
“Swan residence.”
The unfriendliness of his tone took me slightly aback. I thought it better not to introduce myself, my name must be a taboo in that house, but I had to give a name if I wanted them to cooperate. I gave the only one I could think of that must command respect.
“Doctor Carlisle Cullen speaking. I would like to talk to Charlie Swan please.”
“He’s not here” the voice answered and he sounded downright menacing. That made no sense to me.
“I really need to talk to him, do you know where I can find him?” I asked urgently.
“He is at the funeral” the voice said, shattering all my foolish hopes in one swell sweep.
It’s all over then. I killed her. The thought came to me unwanted, I tried to fight against it in vain. A coldness spread all over my body, it froze my limbs, took over my face. It felt as if the world had come to an end, as if the sun had disappeared from the sky. I never knew pain until this very moment. I never knew what agony was. Once I thought that the burning pain of transformation was the highest possible torture anyone can endure, but I was wrong. The shame, the guilt, the deep dark desperation I felt now were much, much worse. She loved me and now she was dead because of that! And I, the freak of nature was still here, I was still the same monster. That was unbearable. The injustice of this fact was outrageous, it called for a remedy.
Dying was not at hand for the undead. I needed some creativity, but the plan was ready, I already thought it through. I couldn’t live in a world where she didn’t exist, and she was mortal. I had to be prepared. I forced back the growls that were gathering in my throat again, I focused on the plan, and on that alone.
Plane tickets first, then I called reception and ordered a car with darkened windows. Packing was not an issue as I didn’t plan to bring along anything for my last trip. In ten minutes I was walking out the door.
The receptionist was staring at me in mute horror. As I looked around I saw my balding neighbor sitting at a table with a newspaper, he left his mouth hanging open as he gaped at me. “Dear God… what… happened to him?!” If he was afraid of me before, now he was downright shocked. Several others turned to look back at me as they walked toward the elevator, faint traces of their thoughts caught my attention “What a freak!” “Drug addict” “He must be seriously ill”
My eyes drifted around aimlessly and I caught a glimpse of my face in a glass door across the room. A death mask looked back at me. No trace of humanity was left on me whatsoever. My dark eyes glinted back at me with a mad light. A creature that belonged to horror-stories not among the living. I paid my room and left in a hurry, I couldn’t stand to see the monster in the mirror one more second. I desired non-existence with everything that I had left. Every passing second while I was still here was another blasphemy against her.
As I was speeding toward the airport my mind was filled with the details of my plan: the Volturi, the self-appointed protectors of the secret of our existence. I was going to ask them for my freedom first. It must be an unusual request, not many of my kind would give up willingly the one gift that for most of them was worth every price: eternal life. I hoped they were going to be gracious, but I needed to have backup plans in case they would refuse. My mind was whirling so fast that I actually felt dizzy, I couldn’t focus on one thought too long. My pocket started buzzing, I faintly registered that it did that a lot in the last few minutes; I took out my phone, rolled down the window a bit and whirled the little silver thing out of the car without looking at the number. I couldn’t think of my family. Carlisle, Esme… the pain I was going to inflict. I pushed them out of my mind. I couldn’t face them, I couldn’t face anyone but my destiny that waited for me in Italy.
~ * ~
The plane ride was slow torture. The minute I closed my eyes I saw Bella falling… she drifted graciously in my mind’s eye never reaching the surface. She was out of this world and I still couldn’t quit worrying about her. Christian dogma was not merciful for the suicides, but I couldn’t conceive Heaven without her in it. I wondered faintly what will become of me after I quit this existence. Maybe Carlisle was right and I won’t just disappear… I couldn’t turn my hand against myself but my gesture would be no less of a suicide. So maybe there was some hope that we end up in the same place… maybe. Even hell would look like heaven if she was with me. Only she would never end up there… My thoughts were drifting in a small circle, I found it hard to concentrate. All I cared about was to be out of this cold, empty world once and for all. If I ceased to exist altogether, that was only a welcome relief.
~ * ~
I arrived to Florence at midnight. That suited me, I didn’t have to be careful, the sun wasn’t limiting my freedom. I thought about renting a car but I didn’t have patience enough to wait. There was no reason to play safe anymore either. I didn’t look around too long, I jumped into the first car that looked fast enough. In two minutes I was driving through the sleeping city and through the peaceful, friendly Tuscan landscape. The road was empty, I closed the distance quicker than I hoped. Still, the driving left a lot of room to think, to feel. It seemed that an eon had passed since Rosalie gave me the news.
When I dashed through the gates of Volterra the night was still deep and quiet. I stopped the car near the town square; I hardly stepped outside when two dark figures crowded me. They came out of the shadows and were at my side in a blink of an eye.
“Demetri, Felix” I greeted them with a nod.
“Cullen!” they exchanged a surprised, slightly alarmed look. “What do we owe the pleasure?” Demetri asked on an intimidating tone. They looked at me for a second then Felix added “You look like shit”. I tried in vain to tune out my own face that stared back at me from two different angles in their minds.
I ignored their rudeness and the menace in their stance.
“I came to ask for audience” I said calmly.
“Did you break up with Carlisle?” Felix chuckled.
“Bring me to Aro” I said on the same voice without inflections, without feeling.
Demetri shrugged and turned on his heels. He drifted into the shadows without looking back to see if I was following or not. Felix disappeared on a different path. I knew their headquarters must be close but I’ve never been there. We walked through dark passageways, too quickly for a human eye to notice us. The streets were empty in any case, no human was troubling the night’s peace. Demetri was disturbed by my presence, they all knew about my gift and they saw me as competition. I was going to ease their worries soon enough, I thought bitterly.
We didn’t speak a word to each other, in one small corner of my mind I was grateful for the silence. I couldn’t bare a meaningless chitchat in this doomed hour. Knowing what I could do he was checking his thoughts very carefully around me but he couldn’t hide the tone of his mood. His anxiety made me slightly sick too. I followed him through a hole in the ground down to the sewers. We walked the dark corridors, no noise but our quiet footsteps on the rough stone path. I didn’t pay any attention to my surroundings, there was no interest left in me for anything, there was nothing in this world to capture my attention anymore. We drifted up some steps and within a few minutes I found myself in an office of some kind, it looked like an antechamber to a CEO of an important company. The room was empty at the moment, but soft music came from speakers hidden within the walls. Demetri turned to me
“Wait here” and he disappeared through a massive door. I followed his mind and I saw him walk through another door to another rough stone corridor, then stopping in front of an ordinary wooden door hidden within the wall. He walked through without ceremony.
“Demetri. What is it my friend? Weren’t you on patrol duty?” an overly friendly voice greeted the newcomer. I recognized the man speaking though it had been a few decades since I’ve heard him.
“We have a … situation, master” He paused for effect, he knew his master’s curiosity.
“Well?” Aro asked impatiently.
“Edward Cullen is here. Carlisle’s protégé. He says he wants an… audition” he said the word with disbelief.
“Edward Cullen? How formidable! Ha ha” Aro’s laughter was the most despicable thing I have ever heard. His mind was alit with curiosity and the prospect of having a new toy. “Audition? How extraordinary. Send him in, then Demetri. It’s rude to keep our guest waiting” his voice was dripping with mocking politeness.
Demetri came back for me, it was an unnecessary ceremony because I could have found my way without problem. However, it was the polite way, so I followed him right into the circular room. It was a surprise after the modern lobby. It was lit by a few torches that were put on the curved wall, for effect no doubt. Our eyes did not require artificial light as the dark did not affect our vision at all. The moon was glinting through a round window overhead, the Volturi were fond of the theatrics. The set was however fit for what I came here for. I approached Aro who was sitting in a big throne-like chair in the far side of the room. Marcus was sitting on his left, while on his right there was another empty chair, Caius’s seat.
“Come in, come in dear Edward” he greeted me with cheer. “What a lovely surprise. And how is dear Carlisle?”
I stopped in front of him, nodded my head in greeting, once to Aro, once to Marcus.
“Aro, Marcus” I said, tension building in me. “I came here to ask for a favor” I said slowly. They looked at me expectantly.
“Favor?” Aro asked suspiciously. My colorless, dead face registered in his thoughts and it brought alarm to him and to those standing around him. “You look terrible my young friend, what happened? Is Carlisle all right?”
“My father is fine.” I said dismissively. “I came here to ask for… my freedom.” I could tell that nobody in the room understood my request. Nobody here associated death with freedom like I did now.
“Your freedom?” Aro asked perplexedly.
“I need you to kill me” I clarified. The calm, even tone of my statement startled them more than the request itself.
“Why?” the question was an outraged outburst. Even the ever-stoic Marcus looked at me with a slight interest now. There was nothing in this world they could ever imagine to determine someone to ask for such a thing. Self-preservation was our most defining trait. I felt helpless against that deep-rooted instinct and I didn’t feel able to tell the whole story, to bring arguments. Instead I stepped closer to Aro with my hand held out. His entourage stirred alarmed, a hawkish woman eyed me menacingly. They thought I looked mad, which was not far from the truth actually. Aro lifted his hand soothingly and he leaned forward to touch my hand. In other circumstances I would have been curious. I’ve heard of Aro’s gift, but I never experienced it before. His light touch created a chain-reaction in my head, it felt like all the thoughts I have ever had zoomed through my focus with dizzying speed. I waited, looking him in the eyes while he flipped through the uninteresting parts. Then he arrived to her. And I had to relive everything all over again, meeting her and her silent mind, her smell - Aro found that very interesting so he lingered there more than necessary - wanting to kill her, falling in love with her, fighting for her, against her… leaving her… wanting her… and the abyss when I learned that she was no more. He read my thoughts about that, but he couldn’t feel what I felt, so he was still disbelieving. I don’t know how long we stood there connected, it felt like an eternity to me while I had to witness my life all over again. It was an ironic, twisted representation of the saying, . Finally he let go of my hand with a resounding boom of laughter.
“All this trouble, over a human girl?!” the people in the room laughed along with him partly out of relief that I wasn’t carrying some disastrous news for the vampire community and my tragedy was only my own. “She did smell scandalously good, it’s too bad she is lost but to desire death… is a bit extreme, don’t you think?”
“You’ve seen my thoughts. You know that my mind is set.” I said calmly.
“So I have… so I have. It’s a very unusual request…” he said hesitantly. “You don’t mind waiting for just a short time while I consult with my brothers?”
I nodded stiffly.
“Please make yourself comfortable in the lobby while we… discuss the issue. Alec, dear friend, would you be so kind to ask Caius to come over, he needs to hear this.” I watched him disappear behind a curtain while I was walking out the door again. I wished he came back soon, his talent would ease my passing should they decide to favor me.
I sat down in a chair in the lobby, I dropped my head into my palms and waited for my sentence. There wasn’t a condemned in the history of the world who desired the punishment more than I did. I couldn’t stop myself from listening to their debate though, I could follow their conversation easily through Aro’s mind. Caius was on my side, he saw our uncommonly large coven as a menace to their power and he was eager to size the opportunity to weaken Carlisle. Marcus was bewildered most of all but he didn’t care either way. But it was Aro whose opinion counted the most. He saw Caius’s argument as valid too, but he had a deep desire to acquire me for his staff, he saw my gift as a useful weapon, just like Demetri did. I pressed my lips together against the desire to growl in frustration. In the end, it was greed that decided the matter. When they asked me to come in, I already knew that I’d lost.
I walked in slowly, followed by many unfriendly faces. Felix arrived back as well just like Alec. They didn’t like the decision any more than I did.
“Come in my young friend” Aro said smiling. The gravity of the situation didn’t touch his mind at all, he played around with my life and death as if it was nothing. For a brief moment I wondered whether it was power that makes one so insensitive, or they are just the monsters that nature made them… like the monster that I would have been without Carlisle, the monster that I still was deep down.
“Edward Cullen. You asked us to grant you your death.” Aro said in a businesslike tone.
“Yes.” I answered nodding once.
“We feel that your death would be a terrible waste. You are young, strong and talented, a valuable member of our kind. We offer you a position in our family instead. Carlisle is a meritorious person, and we love him dearly, but his way only brought you pain. Come, be one of us and you’ll have power, respect. Anything you want.”
I waited for a few seconds to calm the rage inside of me. My self-control was barely strong enough to keep my tone civil. I answered coldly.
“Thank you for the offer. I have to decline.”
“You are welcome to stay in town for a few days. In case you change your mind” Aro smiled serenely and I was grateful he couldn’t read my mind from the distance. He would have never offered me such thing if he had seen my thoughts. His self-assurance was almost hilarious, he couldn’t imagine someone refusing the honor to be a part of the grand Volturi clan, he betted on my calming down and thinking better of it. He really didn’t understand the first thing about me even after seeing every thought I have ever had.
“If that’s all…” I was eager to get out of there.
“You are free to go of course. The offer still stands, whenever you are ready” he said. I bit back the rebuke, I still had my family to think of. It was not smart to anger the Volturi, they might think it’s Carlisle who is responsible for my aversion. So I nodded again and retreated through the door. Felix accompanied me out through the front door rather than the sewers. Outside the morning was already bright and I had to keep to the shadows. Felix looked at me darkly before he let me go
“We’ll keep an eye on you, Cullen” he said, menace in his mind just like in his eyes.
“I’m counting on that” I answered bitterly.
~ * ~
I wandered around aimlessly, deep desperation scattered my thoughts to shreds. I was counting on the Volturi, I thought that their fear of the Cullens would come to my aid, I read that fear in every mind that I encountered last night. I never thought of Aro’s influence, I never thought of his greed. I cursed him to the deepest pit of hell, where he belonged. I was thinking about backup plans before but I didn’t come up with a clever one… now they all swirled and twisted inside my head. I needed something spectacular to provoke them to kill me. Throw a car upon some people. Walk out into the sun. Punch through a wall. Feed on human blood. That’s right, so they can’t confuse me with some superhero and see me for the monster that I am! I’ll hunt!
I was hiding inside the shadows of an arched passageway; I looked around to find my victim. I tried to let my instincts rule, to let my nose lead me, but it was not easy. I had to overrule a whole century of discipline, a whole century when feeding on human blood was the number one taboo. My eyes got in the way too, there was so much red around, it distracted me. And so many people! A festival of some kind must be going on here. All the better, more public for the show. A man walked by, pretty close to me, but he led a little girl by the hand. No, I can’t do that in front of her. I let them pass.
A teenage girl came next, she even stopped a couple of yards away from me. I only had to reach out my hand… twist her neck… but her hair was almost the same length as hers…only a shade or two lighter, and I just couldn’t make that step ahead. She might be someone’s Bella… the sun of another man… I couldn’t kill her.
A young boy came along then, no more than a child, 14, maybe 15 years old. He was the perfect victim. My throat burst into flames as I caught his smell on the breeze. He must taste good too. I flexed my muscles, preparing for the jump, I let the venom flow and fill my mouth, I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t see his horror when he’d notice me coming. But along with his smell I caught the trace of his mind. And he was innocent! I never killed an innocent person before. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t hurt him. Maybe I should wait for someone with a darker mind… Then, abruptly I thought about what Aro said, that Carlisle’s way of life only made me miserable. No, I wanted to protest. I never for one second regretted that I met her, and was allowed to love her, be with her as long as I did. To have her love was the highlight of my existence. Carlisle’s way of life permitted me to have the little happiness that I had in my life. If I killed this boy now, I denied everything that she loved in me. Everything that Carlisle created. I couldn’t do that. For her, for Carlisle, I must stop this. And if there was just a tiny particle of hope that there was something out there for me too, that I could meet her in the afterlife, I must not become a murderer again. I shrunk back into the shadows, leaned with my back against the wall. I closed my eyes and tried to focus. Her face appeared in front of me, so crystal clear, just like every time when I closed my eyes. I couldn’t comprehend it, couldn’t wrap my brain around the fact that this face was not among the living anymore. It was just as impossible as if the sun had disappeared from the sky. I remembered the best times of my life: all connected to her in one way or another. Our first talk. Our first date. Our pretty afternoon in the meadow, when she looked at me wonderingly, lovingly instead of running away screaming… she was always so brave, so strong. She made me feel ashamed of myself. That was the very first time when I thought that I could be strong enough for her too, when my sparkling skin was reflecting in her eyes. As I was remembering this, it came to me. So simple, so elegant. I’ll walk out into the sun. That will be just enough, the Volturi will never allow any hint of suspicion, any such public display in their own town. There is a large audience for it, and I’ll wait for exactly midday, when the sun is highest and the crowd is biggest. I’ll wait for the twelfth toll, and then, maybe… just maybe… I’ll see her again.
I had a little more than two hours to wait, but I didn’t mind. Now that my mind was set, I felt almost serene. When Aro made me see my whole life again, it felt as if Pandora ’s Box had sprang open with all the pain that I just couldn’t carry anymore. But now that I arrived to the end, I embraced those memories. I recalled every single touch, every word she ever said to me, every kiss we shared. And here, at the end of all things, I felt grateful for my life because I had more than anyone ever had, even if it didn’t last more than a blink of an eye. Thinking of her seemed the proper way to pray in my last hour.
The first toll pulled me out of my reverie. It was time and I felt prepared. I walked to the edge of the shadow slowly, while I unbuttoned my shirt. The deep sound of the bell brought solemnity to the moment. Nobody was looking at me yet, but nonetheless I felt the eyes upon me, the ones that I was counting on. I let the shirt drop from my shoulder, and made one more step. I was at the border now, on the very line where light and dark met. It was time for me to quit the shadows and step out into the light… for good. A group of people was standing nearby: a family with children; a little girl was staring at me now because the reflection of the bright sunlight was already glinting on my skin. She was pointing at me and chattering in rapid Italian, but nobody was paying her attention at the moment. I closed my eyes, taking in the warmth and the buzzing of sound: voices and thoughts of many, many people around me. As I closed my eyes, I saw her again, and I was happy: this was going to be the last thing I see. Maybe I was going crazy too because I could hear her voice calling my name, I could hear it so clearly above the buzzing of the hundred unfamiliar voices. Madness feels good, I thought and I smiled peacefully.
It happened instantly. From the darkest place of my whole existence I walked right into the open arms of bliss. The happiness, the relief was even more overwhelming after the agony of the last 24 hours. I must have done something right in my life, although nothing I have ever done justified the gift I’ve just received. For everlasting seconds all I could see was Bella, the impossible joy to have her in front of me clouded every other thought for a while. I was vividly, painfully aware of her beautiful face, I felt like my supposedly perfect memory didn’t do her justice at all. “Amazing.” I said, bliss coloring my voice to warm tones. “Carlisle was right.”
“Edward” she whispered, her voice dying away. “You need to go back to the shadows. You need to move.”
Waves of happiness washed over me while I was touching her face, she felt so warm under my fingers, her soft cheeks blushing to the very same color that I remembered. Then with a slight surprise I noticed that nothing had changed. It was confusing because I expected some sort of pain, some sort of shock at my passing into the afterlife.
“I can’t believe how fast it all happened. I didn’t feel anything” I mused. “They are very good” I said closing my eyes again. I buried my face in her hair, oh, how good it felt to be close to her again! My beautiful, amazing, dead lover. “Death, that hath suck'd the honey of thy breath, Hath had no power yet upon thy beauty: Thou art not conquer'd” Shakespeare’s words never sounded so true in the history of mankind. The church bell gave its last booming toll as I was pressing my lips to her forehead. Silence fell and I felt like I was waking from a dream, everything felt very real all of a sudden. Most of all, her smell registered with me. It wrecked me in the nose with the same force as it did the first time we met, or maybe even worse after the months’ of absence. The burn was real, much more real than I expected.
“You smell the same as ever. So maybe this is hell. No matter, I’ll take it.”
I started to notice things too. Bella was struggling against me, was she…trying to push me backwards? Why?
“I am not dead. And you are not dead either! Please Edward, we have to move. They aren’t far!”
Confusion wrinkled my brows. For a moment… it sounded like…
“What did you say?”
“I didn’t die, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi…” I understood right away, while she was still talking. Everything seemed so real because it was! This was not hell. This was not the afterlife. I couldn’t account for it, I couldn’t understand how it was possible, but this was sweet, beautiful life and I’d be damned if I let anybody take it away from me now!