Selfless
A colleague of mine came whining the other day. He offered some candy to somebody and he was refused. The person said that it’s written in the Bible that an adult would never offer you anything without expecting something in return, so he never takes anything from anybody. I told him I have read the Bible. The whole thing, from the beginning to the end and I don’t recall this. I don’t think it was ever meant to induce paranoia. True that I wouldn’t remember any little detail in it either… but. This statement sounds really accurate nonetheless.
My colleague was outraged, he said he offered the candy in good faith, he wasn’t expecting anything… anything at all. Well, candyman jokes put aside, he really was expecting something in return. Maybe not some material, physical gratification, but at least gratitude, at least the goodwill of that person he still expected in return. He expected to be considered nice. When I told him that, he choked. But why is that so horrible? Every human interaction is based upon reciprocity. We are not candidates to sainthood after all.
You think I listen to my friend whining over her bratty kid every single day because it gives me a distinct pleasure? Do I do it because I luuuurve her evil spawn of a teenager? No, I listen to her because the next day she would listen to me whining about my shit. We need each other, so we “buy” each other’s chairs (like in Phenomenon), we scratch each other’s backs.
Oh, I get in line alright. I need people in my life, who would listen to me whine. I need them to think I’m nice. I buy their chairs, I listen to anything they say. I’m not doing it because I am a good person, I’m doing it because of sheer need. Man is a social animal and I am just one of the herd.
Did you ever do a really, truly selfless act? You know, in total secrecy, no one knowing about it, not even the receiver? Well, I did. Did you feel good about it afterwards? I didn’t. It wasn’t that gratifying. I was stressed out like hell, scared that someone would find out and think that I was crazy. Yep, that’s how screwed up we are, we can’t even do something nice for anybody without seeming slightly loony. I felt loony. And the bastard didn’t even deserve it, he used to make my life a living hell. And I couldn’t even shut him up with what I did for him. I didn’t even have that gratification. So, selfless is not what it’s cut out to be. Saints are boring anyway.
Admittedly, there are times when it’s all worth it. There are people to whom you’d listen to any time, any day. But life is a fickle bitch, as Ben Linus had said very sophisticatedly, and they are rarely the ones who would listen to you all day… That’s the compromise. Give some, get some… That’s the balance of the universe or whatever.