(no subject)

[le_spontaneity]

This is where I stand;
between beautiful and ugly,
fat and skinny,
happy and sad,
any feeling in the world and it's exact opposite is what I'm caught between.
I'm not getting worse but it doesn't mean I've gotten any better.
Changes are occuring but lately I can't even feel what's going on around me.
Frustruation builds so quickly nowadays; this isn't seventh grade anymore
I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.
I've got so much to lose at this point.
But there is something I'm missing and it's causing me to be caught in the middle of this sick stalemate.
Im running across a plateau and all I want to do is climb the steps. Or maybe fall down a black hole just so I can feel like something is happening.
Something significant that I can look back on.
I guess I want security, or maybe for someone to waste their time on me.
Maybe I have everything I need, yet I dont want or need it at alll.
Maybe history is repeating itself and the book of Emily Cloutier will not close.
The words keep going and going.
Maybe this is a breakdown.
Maybe in short time you'll see another major downfall.
Maybe I'm (still) not ready.