sigh
i wrote an entry yesterday, but something went wonkey on my computer and i lost eveything i wrote. which sux, cuz i thought i had gotten everything off my chest.
i was on the phone yesterday with my mom and we got into a pretty intense convorsation about my past, present , and future, in school, hobbies and careers. and it may seem stupid to u, but its pretty damn important to me. i get was too emotional over this stuff. and my main problem is that i over-analyze things, so i think of what happened today, the tomorrow, then the next day, then how all of it will affect me all my life and what a shitty thing it'll be when or if i get bored with what im doing. and the more i think about it, the more depressing it is. and i get way too much time to think about it. and i know this also makes sense to no one at all, but its consuming me. i need some sort of distraction so that i dont realize all of the problems and all of the possible outcomes. theres just so much anxietyu when i think about the future... and thats all i think about. i envy those who stay in the moment; those who dont know or care how their life is going to turn out. but i know all the options, and i care so much it hurts. its like all of these frustrating thoughts are bouncing around my mind, yelling and screaming and crying and fucking over my emotions. its not like me to act this way over something so seemingly stupid.
je suis desole... i just needed to get it out a little.
i was on the phone yesterday with my mom and we got into a pretty intense convorsation about my past, present , and future, in school, hobbies and careers. and it may seem stupid to u, but its pretty damn important to me. i get was too emotional over this stuff. and my main problem is that i over-analyze things, so i think of what happened today, the tomorrow, then the next day, then how all of it will affect me all my life and what a shitty thing it'll be when or if i get bored with what im doing. and the more i think about it, the more depressing it is. and i get way too much time to think about it. and i know this also makes sense to no one at all, but its consuming me. i need some sort of distraction so that i dont realize all of the problems and all of the possible outcomes. theres just so much anxietyu when i think about the future... and thats all i think about. i envy those who stay in the moment; those who dont know or care how their life is going to turn out. but i know all the options, and i care so much it hurts. its like all of these frustrating thoughts are bouncing around my mind, yelling and screaming and crying and fucking over my emotions. its not like me to act this way over something so seemingly stupid.
je suis desole... i just needed to get it out a little.