Stuff
Sorry i haven't posted in ages, its mainly due to the fact that a lot of things, and i mean a lot, have been happening. And also due to the fact i no longer have a computer or access to the internet (although i still pay for it and can't stop the payment). And before you ask i don't know if i will be able to post regularly, but i will when i get a chance.
As of easter i am now a single mother, i really don't want to go too much into the details, it still hurts to think that even though someone says they love you, they don't even want to work on the relationship, (even though it was not you who did anything wrong). I don't know if i will ever tell anyone the details, but i just want to let people know i am still alive.
Not long ago i was offered a job in Tasmania, a great job, i was going to take it too. They gave me a deadline to have my "stuff" sorted out by, and unfortunately that isn't going to happen, so they offered the job to someone else. I would have really liked that too, sure i would have been apart from my family but at least i would have been able to make a new start, no-one would know that anything had happened, or walking on eggshells trying to be over nice to me, i hate that, fake nice is the worse type.
Life has been and still is hard, so many thoughts in my head, i need to talk my problems out, though not with a counsellor, i need closure, and that i know i am never going to get, which makes it that little bit harder. The one thing that keeps me going is my daughter, even when i feel the worst i just take one look at her and know that i can do it, for her, i only ever wanted the best for her and i am trying, but it hurts to think that maybe i stuffed up a little part of her life that i never got to have, a father, there for her, in the same house, to tuck her in at night and to always show her that he loves her. And i know the question will come one day, "Was it because of me?" and i know that it won't matter what i tell her, she will always have that niggling doubt that it was her fault, because that what i always felt, even sometimes now. But i will be there for her, and i will succeed for her.
As of easter i am now a single mother, i really don't want to go too much into the details, it still hurts to think that even though someone says they love you, they don't even want to work on the relationship, (even though it was not you who did anything wrong). I don't know if i will ever tell anyone the details, but i just want to let people know i am still alive.
Not long ago i was offered a job in Tasmania, a great job, i was going to take it too. They gave me a deadline to have my "stuff" sorted out by, and unfortunately that isn't going to happen, so they offered the job to someone else. I would have really liked that too, sure i would have been apart from my family but at least i would have been able to make a new start, no-one would know that anything had happened, or walking on eggshells trying to be over nice to me, i hate that, fake nice is the worse type.
Life has been and still is hard, so many thoughts in my head, i need to talk my problems out, though not with a counsellor, i need closure, and that i know i am never going to get, which makes it that little bit harder. The one thing that keeps me going is my daughter, even when i feel the worst i just take one look at her and know that i can do it, for her, i only ever wanted the best for her and i am trying, but it hurts to think that maybe i stuffed up a little part of her life that i never got to have, a father, there for her, in the same house, to tuck her in at night and to always show her that he loves her. And i know the question will come one day, "Was it because of me?" and i know that it won't matter what i tell her, she will always have that niggling doubt that it was her fault, because that what i always felt, even sometimes now. But i will be there for her, and i will succeed for her.