Jun 08, 2005 19:28
Take note of the changed colors. System 1 rocks.
Next off, I'm sorry for having not written anything long, or, for that matter, worth reading in a while, but now I'm finally kind of in the mood to flex these fingers and pour out the contents of my mind.
Random question that has to do with my life - did anyone else know people used to call a soda a "kneehigh"? My mom started drinking my creepy grape soda and told me she had developed a liking for my "nasty grape kneehighs". Yeah, so now that that's over with...
I've re-made friends with my ex girlfriend, who, sadly, I'm still completely and totally in love with, to the point of pretty much not thinking of a real terrible lot other than her. Sadly, I've told her this, and it turns out she's in a super duper happy relationship with someone else, which explains my last three entries, and basically, I'm a complete and total fool for ever having broken up with her, but at the time, I was angry and I thought she hated my guts and I wasn't in the proper state of mind to deal with the sort of hurt that comes about for both parties in such a situation, so I made the extraordinarily dumb decision to send her a letter telling her I thought it best to cut off all contact from her, in the interest of not having any sort of pain on both sides, but the plan backfired, and I got depressed as fuck and she got all stressed out and EEEERRRRRGGGGHHHH!!! Why am I so motherfuckin dumb sometimes.
So I'm also having mother issues, which can be traced to typical teenage angst if you want a quick lie to tell you what's going on in my mind. I have reason to believe there's no such thing as "typical teenage angst" and that it's just something parents have come up with over the ages to describe what's going on with their kids so they don't have to tell other parents that they're currently shattering their child's sanity just like every one else. Just like everything else in this world, it's all just an enormous lie to cover up the painful truth. I really don't see the point in intentionally desensitizing ourselves and then complaining about how television is desensitizing. I think that sort of thing is really just a cop out so they can have reason to believe that they're not desensitizing themselves. Wow, I can get so ranty sometimes, and I'm not even drugged up, unless you count whatever mental juices cause a person to become uptight and insane as drugs.
In all honesty, I'm surprised I'm not called gay more often. In society's eyes, I'm gay as they come save for the fact that I'm still attracted to females. Whatever. Dumb thought. Scratch that.
My shrink wants me to calm down. He wants me to get a prescription for something like xanax or soma or something. I can't wait. If I can carry around a bottle of that shit and just pop them when I start to feel high strung, I'll never have a worry in the world. Fuck prozac, man. I completely don't need that shit. It doesn't do anything. I'm still depressed as I ever was. I almost feel like I'm coming down off of speed all the time, even though I haven't done it recently, so it's not that, not that I'd expect it was, but still. I just constantly feel like I'm waiting for something but I have no idea what it is. I feel like I need more of something but I don't know what it was in the first place that I now need more of.
In the process of destroying my relationship with the most fabulous human being ever to grace the face of the planet, I also fucked up my employment arrangements this summer, so not only am I not getting money, but I'm completely and totally bored out of my fucking mind because everyone I know is occupied, most of them working where I'm not. I gotta start or something. I need to call those bastards and see if I'm still wanted.
Over the past week, I witnessed the birth of the soon-to-be-better-than-everyone-else Kilgore's Cacophony. I'm the drummer. What else is new.
Soooooooooooooooo...I guess this is WPOP, Vatican City's new rock, and this is His Holiness Bugg XXXXVII, signing off.