Astonishing Spider-Man and Wolverine #5
I wonder if Comicsmedia know I have this?
Writers: Jason Aaron and Justin Ponsor
Pencils: Adam Kubert
Previously, on Astonishing Spider-Man and Wolverine:
Spider-Man and Wolverine went through time. There were dimensions involved. And a giant Doom head.
Now I shall sing the Doom Song! Doom-doom, doomy doom-doom, doom doom doomy doo doo doom!...
Why aren't you stopping me?
What? There was supposed to be an Earth-shattering ka-Doom?
Go ahead, you're more entertaining than this comic.
Nuts. doom doom, doomy doom...
In this issue, somebody gets their Mojo working, Wolverine unhands the bad guy and raises his batting average, there's fights, there's blood, and then they get pimped out. Bling!
Sometimes my mind hates me. I hate leaving a series incomplete, even when I hate the series. If this is only 6 issues, I couldn't stand to have a few, but not all issues.
And that's terrible.
Hah! You suck!
... ... shut up.
Oh, it has its moments. Gotta love a line like:
"Spider-Man in a long an lasting relationship? Now there's something we haven't seen before."
Zing!, Quesada. ZING!
I don't get it.
Joe Quesada didn't like the idea of Spider-Man happily married, and got Peter Parker to sell his marriage to not-the-Devil (Mephisto). Fans were generally not happy.
I refer you to this review, by someone who's actually read it. Watch the first one.
Spider-Man sold his soul? What's wrong with that?
If you don't know, I can't tell you.
But it wasn't his soul, it was his marriage.
For reals? Even I think that's dumb.
And off-topic.
This issue isn't quite as incoherent as the others, and there's no dinosaurs and neanderthals in the same time period, but it's still not great.
Calling it 'average' would be generous.
The artwork gest, face it, ugly:
Please don't show me pictures like this while I'm eating!
Barf! Barf! Barf! Barf!
Hah! I'm not that easy!
... now if you'll excuse me, I'll be in the bathroom... for completely unrelated reasons. I, uh, have a sore foot. yeah...
Yeah, he's Mojo, he's supposed to be ugly - but not that ugly.
Adam Kubert is better than this.
There are two real problems with this issue. One of them runs throughout the series; the guy on the cover, with the baseball bat. He's a major character, but he never quite rises above a stereotype. So much for growing beyond that.
He just always comes across as a street thug, with brilliant lines like "Kang the Conqueror? Kang the ain't-never-conquered-S#*@ is more like it." "Word." (from his diminutive off-sider... or on-batter as it were...)
Classy.
I like it.
It makes the villains look stupid.
I always hated it.
Sure.
They cut away to 'reality-TV' style interviews at one point. It's appropriate to a Mojo story, though a bit fourth-wall breaking for the Marvel Universe (ouside of She-Hulk... or Deadpool).
Thing is, I don't care about Reality TV. I don't want to know. I don't even care enough to want to read parodies of it. Bleh.
Oh, and backgrounds? They're often nothing more than gradations of grey. They're bland, random, senseless...
This istn' a world I can be in. It's just... bleh.
Here's what I really want to talk you you about.
The other problem, unique to this issue, is lines from Mojo, like:
"This is the one... I want them to remember me by.", about the fight between Spidey, Wolvy, and the Gangsta (I really never bothered to remember his name. Tsar?)
Really not seeing a problem.
Mojo has pretty much always stood for Marvel Editorial. Often a nasty parody, but a parody.
They've basically got the 'powers-that-be' stand-in telling us this is the best fight ever.
Bone-head move.
Talk about your mouth writing cheques your butt can't cash!
Okay, first you say something, then--
That's not what I meant and you know it!
It has no place anywhere, let alone in such an average book. Instead of making me think 'this is the best fight ever', it makes me think 'it so is not!'
Aspiring writers, learn: Never write your own praise. It makes you look bad.
Not the worst issue in this series, but not great.
doom doom, doomy doom...