30 Posts meme Day 02
So the next thing to talk about is my First Love. In Great Detail.
Oy.
OK so I’m going to take the meme for what these things are. That is that they have usually been created by bored high school teenage girls and, therefore, they mean first Romantic Love.
I really only ever think about myself as having been in love once. I was 20 years old when we met, 21 when we started sleeping together, and 23 when we broke up. He was a married security guard at the office/residential/underground shopping complex where I worked and I knew his schedule by the third week I was there. We would talk and flirt and go for smokes together for about 4 months and then tragedy struck the building. In the middle of December, a secretary from one of the offices disappeared before making it to work, but after buying her coffee and cigarettes at a near-by dépanneur (corner store, for my non-Quebec readers). She was seen on the security cameras coming into the building and then heading into a stairwell. That was the last anyone saw of her until her body was found the following week, three days before Christmas. My security guard, as I had taken to calling him by that point, was the one who found her. He went through PTSD and told me that his wife didn’t want him bringing this work problem home. It was his claim that she didn’t want their two children to be affected by this. He was given two weeks stress leave but came back to work after only five days. We then spent every spare minute together, when he wasn’t covering the guard in the monitor room. We started sleeping together in the March following that Christmas and he was, for all intents and purposes and from that point on, my (very married) boyfriend. Funny thing is I didn’t care that he was married. I also didn’t care that he was never going to leave his wife. In fact, the one time he became unattractive to me was when he did leave her for a few weeks. He even proposed to me during that time. Man, did I ever refuse him fast. And yet, I was certain that I was totally in love with him.
A full description normally should include a physical description, but it’s funny. I really don’t remember much about him, physically. He was very slim, and had grey hair and that’s about it. I do remember that he smoked, that he thought he was a martial artist, that he spent time in Toronto, that he wanted to be an EMT at one point and, when we first met, that he was trying to go back to school for it, but that’s about it really. There were times when our relationship was fun. He introduced me to Monday Night Raw (an American wrestling show that was more soap opera than anything else really). The reason I remember him is because he introduced me to a side of myself that I wasn’t expecting.
OK so here’s where I deviate from the meme for a bit. Now, why have this man and our different relationship stuck with me for so long after the relationship finally ended? The off-shoot of that three year relationship seems to be an interesting approach to my sexuality. As I mentioned in the Intro post, I am currently revisiting my sexuality and how I react to certain situations and sensations. I have become, as mentioned, a sexual masochist. The Married Lover really brought this out in me, but he went to a different level. Anyone here know John Norman and his books about Gor? Well, in bed, I was his “slave”. I even went so far as to get a tattoo ( which has since been covered up, thankfully) to prove my devotion to him and our relationship. Since then, I have been to a few play parties, where I’ve been tied up and flogged but I want more. I am currently exploring the possibility of practicing with a trusted friend, who is looking to explore the same things I am. It won’t have a sexual component to it at all. Our sessions will primarily be an opportunity to explore where we take pleasure and where our limitations lie, without having to worry about “the hotness factor”. This way, when we do find someone we want to share a sexual relationship with, we’ll know what’s comfortable and what’s not, without having to worry about the experimentation first.
I guess this may have ended up as TMI, right? :-)
Edited: Because I forgot some links...
Oy.
OK so I’m going to take the meme for what these things are. That is that they have usually been created by bored high school teenage girls and, therefore, they mean first Romantic Love.
I really only ever think about myself as having been in love once. I was 20 years old when we met, 21 when we started sleeping together, and 23 when we broke up. He was a married security guard at the office/residential/underground shopping complex where I worked and I knew his schedule by the third week I was there. We would talk and flirt and go for smokes together for about 4 months and then tragedy struck the building. In the middle of December, a secretary from one of the offices disappeared before making it to work, but after buying her coffee and cigarettes at a near-by dépanneur (corner store, for my non-Quebec readers). She was seen on the security cameras coming into the building and then heading into a stairwell. That was the last anyone saw of her until her body was found the following week, three days before Christmas. My security guard, as I had taken to calling him by that point, was the one who found her. He went through PTSD and told me that his wife didn’t want him bringing this work problem home. It was his claim that she didn’t want their two children to be affected by this. He was given two weeks stress leave but came back to work after only five days. We then spent every spare minute together, when he wasn’t covering the guard in the monitor room. We started sleeping together in the March following that Christmas and he was, for all intents and purposes and from that point on, my (very married) boyfriend. Funny thing is I didn’t care that he was married. I also didn’t care that he was never going to leave his wife. In fact, the one time he became unattractive to me was when he did leave her for a few weeks. He even proposed to me during that time. Man, did I ever refuse him fast. And yet, I was certain that I was totally in love with him.
A full description normally should include a physical description, but it’s funny. I really don’t remember much about him, physically. He was very slim, and had grey hair and that’s about it. I do remember that he smoked, that he thought he was a martial artist, that he spent time in Toronto, that he wanted to be an EMT at one point and, when we first met, that he was trying to go back to school for it, but that’s about it really. There were times when our relationship was fun. He introduced me to Monday Night Raw (an American wrestling show that was more soap opera than anything else really). The reason I remember him is because he introduced me to a side of myself that I wasn’t expecting.
OK so here’s where I deviate from the meme for a bit. Now, why have this man and our different relationship stuck with me for so long after the relationship finally ended? The off-shoot of that three year relationship seems to be an interesting approach to my sexuality. As I mentioned in the Intro post, I am currently revisiting my sexuality and how I react to certain situations and sensations. I have become, as mentioned, a sexual masochist. The Married Lover really brought this out in me, but he went to a different level. Anyone here know John Norman and his books about Gor? Well, in bed, I was his “slave”. I even went so far as to get a tattoo ( which has since been covered up, thankfully) to prove my devotion to him and our relationship. Since then, I have been to a few play parties, where I’ve been tied up and flogged but I want more. I am currently exploring the possibility of practicing with a trusted friend, who is looking to explore the same things I am. It won’t have a sexual component to it at all. Our sessions will primarily be an opportunity to explore where we take pleasure and where our limitations lie, without having to worry about “the hotness factor”. This way, when we do find someone we want to share a sexual relationship with, we’ll know what’s comfortable and what’s not, without having to worry about the experimentation first.
I guess this may have ended up as TMI, right? :-)
Edited: Because I forgot some links...