till: sverige
Dear Sweden,
You've probably been hearing rumors and by now you must be quite upset that I didn't let you in on the info first. But it's true, I'm leaving you. Of course I have my reasons and I know you can't understand them because you're you.
It's just that I feel so let down. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I had a milk and honey vision of what life would be here. The problem is, life here is even sweeter than I expected in some aspects, other times it's been bittersweet. You really were who I wanted to live with the rest of my life. So what was my problem?
It sounds so Madame Bovary, but my childhood memories of this place were so colorful but then, when I got here for good, everything turned gray. I showed no emotion in my speech or my face other than happiness lest your people think me immature and emotionally unstable. I was certainly not allowed to have achieved anything prior to University, so I acted dumb. "Guidance counselors" (who were actually never available and always looked at me as though I were lost) scoffed at the idea that their level of French and English could be below me. So I took it in stride, I wasted time on the classes you can't even be bothered to support financially. I did it because I believed that, if I held out long enough you would reward me with some sort of valuable degree.
But you didn't. You gave me no reason to stay. You education classes were a joke- no one did the work and no one learned anything except which year John Dewey published his Democracy and Education, because we quoted it in every paper.
You must be able to understand that you're quite capable of driving people away with your cold and bitter and terribly proud heart. I'm not proud of the USA all the time, but I've received more help from my new American university in the last three months that I ever received from your universities in the last three years of residence with you. You're not mean, really, you just don't understand how hard I worked to get somewhere and, subsequently, hoe disappointed I was to find it meant nothing to you.
So, forgive me, but I can't bring myself to stay with you. You've killed my enthusiastic spirit, and I'm going to go look for it. You'll find me in Maine, where the winters are colder and the hands & hearts warmer. Forgive me, also, for my generalizations. I have found few kindred spirits, some of which will stick with me for a while, you just didn't give me enough.
Jag kommer att sakna din natur, och dina vackra vår- och jul låtar. Jag har arbetat hårt med ditt språk och ser fram emot att inte behöva anstränga mig. Jag hoppas så innerligt att du kan förstå att jag inte längre kan ha någon som du i mitt liv.
Med Varma, Vänglia Hälsningar,
Angelika
You've probably been hearing rumors and by now you must be quite upset that I didn't let you in on the info first. But it's true, I'm leaving you. Of course I have my reasons and I know you can't understand them because you're you.
It's just that I feel so let down. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I had a milk and honey vision of what life would be here. The problem is, life here is even sweeter than I expected in some aspects, other times it's been bittersweet. You really were who I wanted to live with the rest of my life. So what was my problem?
It sounds so Madame Bovary, but my childhood memories of this place were so colorful but then, when I got here for good, everything turned gray. I showed no emotion in my speech or my face other than happiness lest your people think me immature and emotionally unstable. I was certainly not allowed to have achieved anything prior to University, so I acted dumb. "Guidance counselors" (who were actually never available and always looked at me as though I were lost) scoffed at the idea that their level of French and English could be below me. So I took it in stride, I wasted time on the classes you can't even be bothered to support financially. I did it because I believed that, if I held out long enough you would reward me with some sort of valuable degree.
But you didn't. You gave me no reason to stay. You education classes were a joke- no one did the work and no one learned anything except which year John Dewey published his Democracy and Education, because we quoted it in every paper.
You must be able to understand that you're quite capable of driving people away with your cold and bitter and terribly proud heart. I'm not proud of the USA all the time, but I've received more help from my new American university in the last three months that I ever received from your universities in the last three years of residence with you. You're not mean, really, you just don't understand how hard I worked to get somewhere and, subsequently, hoe disappointed I was to find it meant nothing to you.
So, forgive me, but I can't bring myself to stay with you. You've killed my enthusiastic spirit, and I'm going to go look for it. You'll find me in Maine, where the winters are colder and the hands & hearts warmer. Forgive me, also, for my generalizations. I have found few kindred spirits, some of which will stick with me for a while, you just didn't give me enough.
Jag kommer att sakna din natur, och dina vackra vår- och jul låtar. Jag har arbetat hårt med ditt språk och ser fram emot att inte behöva anstränga mig. Jag hoppas så innerligt att du kan förstå att jag inte längre kan ha någon som du i mitt liv.
Med Varma, Vänglia Hälsningar,
Angelika