Already
I'm back here. In this small, empty, quiet apartment. And I've cried more these past three days than I ever have. Every word of "good-bye" and "see you later" and "oh I meant to do this before I left but didn't" made my throat tighten until I couldn't breathe. And after the most stressful flights of my life (i almost didn't make it here!) I'm all of a sudden back on this side of the ocean. It's that easy. The plane ticket trumps emotions and feelings and wishes and just takes you where you don't want to be.
I never thought my miniature apartment could feel this big. I'm drowning in it. And I ask myself every minute how it could possibly be the ninth of august already and how I could have possibly missed out on so many things. Jonathan and I never played tennis.
And maybe my sleep deprivation (i'm running on 2 hours of sleep in the past day and a half) is the cause of this depressed mood but I'm so incredibly empty. My stomach, my head, my heart is all empty but so heavy at the same time. What's worse is that I've done this to myself.
I'll learn to cope.
Tu es mon soleil.
I never thought my miniature apartment could feel this big. I'm drowning in it. And I ask myself every minute how it could possibly be the ninth of august already and how I could have possibly missed out on so many things. Jonathan and I never played tennis.
And maybe my sleep deprivation (i'm running on 2 hours of sleep in the past day and a half) is the cause of this depressed mood but I'm so incredibly empty. My stomach, my head, my heart is all empty but so heavy at the same time. What's worse is that I've done this to myself.
I'll learn to cope.
Tu es mon soleil.