Poopmedicine.
I went to the doctor today to check out these weird mysterious red streaky stretch marky looking nasties on my thighs. The doctor looked at them, got a confused look on his face, and then gave me the vaguest answer I've ever gotten. He said that the stripeys were either from rapid weight gain (joy), allergies (when do I not have allergies?), or "internal disorders"...what....are...internal disorders? Thank you modern medicine.