Careful what you wish for.
I got a bit of everything I wanted this weekend.
I spent the weekend with Jeff. Adam and Dan stayed here also.
I am to tired to get into what happened through out the weekend...but in short, I had some breif time alone (2 periods of the leaf game) with Jeff...and I had a lot of cuddling with him as well as a lot of sex lol.
God I miss the comfort. I miss the trust. I miss my life :(
I know we're not meant to be together. I know we're not the greatest together. But parts of me can't get over him. This weekend was great. This weekend was like nothing ever changed.
This weekend ultimately hurt me without him having to do anything. His interest seemed only in me. His thoughts mimicked mine like they always used to...where we would see the same things and think the same thoughts and with only a look and no words spoken, we would laugh because we knew exactly what the other was thinking.
I am so scared to get hurt again that I can't move on.
I was in the grocery store after Jeff left to go home and I had some random gorgeous guy staring at me...smiled...came around again...caught my eye again.....came and stood by me while I picked out a bunch of green onions and I couldn't even spit out a hello.
The guy was well dressed, slightly older than me, overly attractive with a great face/smile and eyes and I couldn't even muster a HELLO because I'm too scared to meet people anymore.
It was a great ego boost..but in the end I'm sitting here typing this entry with tears streaming down my face because the thing I want the most...is the thing I'm most scared of.
And so, I sit alone.
I spent the weekend with Jeff. Adam and Dan stayed here also.
I am to tired to get into what happened through out the weekend...but in short, I had some breif time alone (2 periods of the leaf game) with Jeff...and I had a lot of cuddling with him as well as a lot of sex lol.
God I miss the comfort. I miss the trust. I miss my life :(
I know we're not meant to be together. I know we're not the greatest together. But parts of me can't get over him. This weekend was great. This weekend was like nothing ever changed.
This weekend ultimately hurt me without him having to do anything. His interest seemed only in me. His thoughts mimicked mine like they always used to...where we would see the same things and think the same thoughts and with only a look and no words spoken, we would laugh because we knew exactly what the other was thinking.
I am so scared to get hurt again that I can't move on.
I was in the grocery store after Jeff left to go home and I had some random gorgeous guy staring at me...smiled...came around again...caught my eye again.....came and stood by me while I picked out a bunch of green onions and I couldn't even spit out a hello.
The guy was well dressed, slightly older than me, overly attractive with a great face/smile and eyes and I couldn't even muster a HELLO because I'm too scared to meet people anymore.
It was a great ego boost..but in the end I'm sitting here typing this entry with tears streaming down my face because the thing I want the most...is the thing I'm most scared of.
And so, I sit alone.