The dark hole of dispiar
Life is soo hard. Why does it have to be. I have quite smoking now for three weeks but I am gaining weight. I look like a fat pig and none of my clothes fit me. The weight I have work my ass off for years is now a image of the past and it makes me cry. I am a horrible blob of wimpering fat that just wants to roll in her self lothing. I can't find a job there for I have no money to live off of and my mom is not giving me enough. School is getting harder by the day I am having to work long hard hours into the night. I just failed a Math test proving to me that even though I am not getting the sleep i need I am still not working hard enough to pass thew college. I spend my free time filling out job application and now I am starving. I am overstessed and can't contiune my stress eating to fix it or I won't fit in my fat clothes. Not to mention my stress reliver of ciggarates are not a thing of the past. I can't afford to buy the healthy food my body need so I just don't eat. I am changing my major in school and that only adds to my stress cause I am not sure if UNCW has the major I want. If they don't I am going to have to research other college with time I don't have and figure out if any of my credits will tranfer there. Kevin my boyfriend lost his job and if he does not get a new one soon I am going to be forced to break up with him so he will stop leaching off of my mother. The more money that she gives him the less I get and as it is i am not getting enough. But then if i do that what was the past year and a half....A waste of my time....I don't know what I am going to do with my life. I am missrable and no one can help me. Just me and my dark little hole are getting to know one another.