Albus Dumbledore and the Tri-Wizard Tourney from Hell (1/?)

[ldygossamer]

Albus Dumbledore and the Tri-Wizard Tourney from Hell (1/?)
By Susan Anthony (LdyGossamer@aol.com)
Fandom: BtVS/HP
Rating: PG
Summary: After Beauxbatons drops out of the Tri-Wizard Tournament, Albus Dumbledore needed another school without delay.  Too bad he didn't research the school in more detail.

Disclaimer: This story is for the pleasure of the

Comments

[maigie2010]

Hi dearest one:
Suggestions and corrections in CAPS. I think you should post next week after the fun over your most recent post dies down. Post with a caveat that this is just a taste and will be completed AFTER....

Albus Dumbledore, Supreme Mugwump and all around big-time British muckedymuck [MUCKITYMUCK], glared at the letter in his hands

The Headmaster ground his teeth as he remembered, wondering to this day how the reporter for the Daily Prophet (who had [DELETE HAD] wisely remained anonymous) had found that out. And where they had [REVERSE ORDER - SHOULD BE: HAD THEY] gotten those pictures....

The letter was signed Principal D [INSERT PERIOD AFTER D] Snyder and stamped with the approval of the local Mayor's office.

He was tempted to just [DELETE JUST] cancel the whole thing except that Harry needed his yearly research and combat training.

"Oh, sod off," he muttered and as he picked up the letter and prepared to send a response to Principal D [INSERT PERIOD AFTER D] Snyder that his delightful students would be welcomed and housed in the best dorms Hogwarts could provide.

"Igor!" Dumbledore pronounced in a pleased tone as he held out his hand to shake. [DELETE TO SHAKE]

"Have you lost your mind, Dumbledore?" Karakoff hissed [USE ANOTHER WORD INSTEAD OF HISSED, MAYBE SHOUTED, GROWLED] as he stepped closer.

"What about last Wednesday [INSERT WHEN] we came up in the middle of that blood ritual at Stonehenge where they were trying to raise that demon lord?"

There was another silence, [INSERT A SEMI COLON IN PLACE OF THE COMMA] this time one that implied every person down there was glaring at Xander.

"I'm sure they have [CONTRACT THEY HAVE AND USE THEY’VE] given us some really nice rooms, Cordy," Xander assured her with a worried glance towards the castle.

The one called Cordy did not look persuaded and [INSERT WAS] highly unimpressed with the castle

Or a castle by it's [OOOOOOOOOOH, FINALLY AN APOSTROPHE - NOT IT’S, BUT ITS - I FEEL SO HAPPY T’ANKS] really...er somewhat scary-looking and...er...looming exterior."

"I'm Xander Harris from Hellmouth High in Sunnydale. I'm the class vice-president," he said, holding out his hand to shake [DELETE TO SHAKE - TOO MUCH SHAKING HERE lol]

Albus blinked. Chase was a well-know [KNOWN IS CORRECT HERE] (and rather feared) pureblood family that ran a good bit of the American Wizarding world.

At the word, slayer, a sizzle of voices shot through the assembled students and the [DELETE THE] even the stoic Durmstrang group looked a little awed.

[I WOULD USE ERGO OR THEREFORE INSTEAD OF SO] So Southern California School of Magic. But the name we're affectionately known by in the [CAPITALIZE THE S IN STATES] states is the Sunnydale School of Hellmouth Magic also known as Hellmouth High."

Albus was staring at the dark man and now looking quite pale in the moonlight [TIMING HERE, NOT SURE WHEN THERE WAS DUSK AND MOONLIGHT. I THOUGHT IT WAS DAYTIME - LATE AFTERNOON, REALLY - WHEN THE DURMSTRANG BOAT ARRIVED AND THE SUNNYDALE GROUP FOLLOWED. MAYBE GO BACK AND RECHECK] . "Ripper Giles?" he almost squeaked and Xander laughed.

We didn't [USE DON’T INSTEAD OF DIDN’T] believe he was ever young much less mild.

The brunette just [DELETE JUST] gave the elf a tight smile. "We'll see, Biff."

The dark-haired professor just [DELETE JUST] blinked at the group before him and tried to stifle a smirk as he heard Albus' teeth grinding loudly.

"Albus, those dorms are hardly fit to be called stables much less dorms for visiting students!" he leaned over and hiss [NOT HISSED, USE ANOTHER WORD. I’VE BEEN READING GRAMMAR GIRL AND SHE HAS THIS WHOLE THING ABOUT HISS SHOULD BE USED WITH SIBILANT SOUNDS. ANYHOO] into Dumbledore's ear but the old man just waved him off.

They then followed the potions professor with the casually chatting students of Hellmouth High just [DELETE JUST] trailing behind him.

[ldygossamer]

Thanks very much for the comments! I'll try to post next week if I can. :)