Fic: Dear Kathryn [Voyager]
Title: Dear Kathryn
Characters: Mark Johnson (Janeway's fiance)
Rating: PG
Summary: Captain Janeway had a fiancé who she left behind when the Voyager disappeared. This is a glance at his life.
AN: You don't really need to see Voyager to understand... here's the basic facts. Voyager crew was gone for roughly 7 years. Captain Janeway had a fiancé. This discusses her fiancé struggles and will contain spoilers for later in the series. As a note, I didn’t actually see the episode Hunter so these letters are just my guesses based on what I thought when I learned of the situation.
Dear Kathryn,
I… Don’t really know how to begin this. You were officially declared dead today- I don’t believe it! Of course not but well, for the past six months Starfleet has been sending countless ships try and figure out what happened to you, or really the USS Voyager and they haven’t found a damn thing.
Sometimes, I forget you’ve gone missing. I’d check my messages wondering when you’ll check in about the new puppies. They’re beautiful, by the way. There’s only three but it doesn’t matter, they have the energy to make up double their number. I know you said I should sell all but one, but how could I? I mean- not with you-
I know you’re still out there. No debris, no strange readings, no beacons. You are better than that. You would have alerted Starfleet somehow, whatever it was that stole you-
I just wish Starfleet had been man enough to give me the news personally, hell, a letter would have worked! But no, instead the first thing I hear is the official announcement on the news about the USS Voyager missing. We’re engaged. I shouldn’t have to hear it on the news with the rest of the damn world. I mean, god, I was just sitting there watching a game and I heard through a damn five minute update! I didn’t believe the news, figuring they were just overreacting or that Starfleet was holding back information. But then it was the next week and people started talking about it at work, a friend gave me a side glance, asking wasn’t that your ships and I- I yelled at him. Told him to stop buying into rumors and spreading gossip and people started giving me these looks, these stupid pitying looks…
But I don’t care. I’m still waiting for you. I’ll wait forever if needed - I love you. I love you so much and I’d never give up on you.
Still searching,
Mark
___
Dear Kathryn,
It’s been a year since you- since Voyager went missing. I know you’re out there struggling to come home.
It’s been hard, oh god has it been. I stopped forgetting you were gone, but sometimes I’d just wake up and stare at your pillow, tears falling. Mollie tends to sit staring at the door, low whine and expectant look on her face - she knows you’re coming back too. We still remember you.
Sorry, it’s just. The damn news! It’s a year to the day you’ve gone missing and every time I turn on the TV there’s some idiot bemoaning your loss, detailing the crew and history of everyone and apologizing to me and the others left behind. Useless! All of it. The only good part was Starfleet putting on a small closed ceremony for Voyager and inviting all the families your crew left behind. Sounds strange, but it’s the first time we met. Part of me hated it, it was giving in to the fact you were gone but some of the others needed this to move on.
But you’re still out there and I’m not going to waste this letter on pain and tears. When you get back I want you to smile and laugh at these letters, reassured that no matter how doubtful it was, I never doubted for a minute you were coming back. These letters will help catch you up!
I’m sure you remember Mollie being pregnant? Well, she had three lovely puppies I kept and named. The oldest was female and I named her Kathryn, after you. She’s full of attitude and isn’t afraid of anything, charging in and tearing everything apart. Jackie was second and a bit more shy, always nosing about and barking at the slightest suspicious sound. She’ll grow out of it though, especially with Kathy (it’s what I call the oldest when it gets to be too much, I love you so much why can’t you just come home already?) pushing and making her challenge the world. The youngest was male and I named him Will- I know! Seems a bit self-serving my middle name and all but god, he has so much spirit. He’ll never measure up to Kathy but he won’t be the one backing down either. He’s a little small and was the last to learn how to jump up on the couch but damn if he ever stopped trying. Time after time after time he’d go for it until I’d pick him up. He’d just huff at me and lay down in my lap. He’d be your favorite I think.
You would love ‘em, Kat. I wished you could see them growing up - I’m taking vids for you! Soon as you come back, I’ll sit you down to watch them.
I got a kitten. I remember you always talking about balance - can’t be a captain who goes off fighting every chance and neither can you always rely on diplomacy. Well, I’m never going to be in the field but I figure a man with four dogs is a bit unbalanced and besides. There I was picking up dog food and they were talking about how no one would take him in and how could I leave him there? You’d laugh at me, I know, but I picked him up right then and there. They had called him Spot cause he was white with these splotches of black fur but well, that was rather plain and unimaginative - there was no character to that. A friend of mine from work - Susan, she’s nice you’d like her, well, she recommended the name Alden. He responded well to it and that was that. I was lucky. Your pups got along beautifully with Alden.
They’re what helped me through this. In the beginning I’d go to work, work overtime, come home and watch the news, waiting to here you’ve returned. I call Starfleet every Thursday asking about you, if there’s any new leads, hints, guesses even. But with the puppies and kitten, well, they made me live again. Remember the joy.
Remember to smile, so that when you come home it won’t be to a dead house.
I love you so much.
We’re still waiting for you,
Mark, Mollie, & the puppies and kitten
___
Dear Kathryn,
They didn’t even mention you on the news today. Two years. You’ve been gone two years and you’re already forgotten by the public. Sure, it was big and scary when it happened - a ship disappearing without warning like that? Not even in battle! But they did their damn service, they cried and held prayers last year. Who cares now that it’s been two years out?
I’ll admit, most days I go without thinking of you, I forget you’re missing and not just on a five year mission. I’ll be smiling and laughing and then I’ll pass that restaurant you love so much and it hits me so hard- I just-
About a week ago I went in and asked for time off. When my manager asked why and I mentioned you he gave me this frown. Told me I should just move on, that you’ve already been dead for two years! Now, you know I’m a peaceful man but I wanted to punch him! Luckily, Susan was there and she pulled me away. I know you’d frown and tut at me, then probably laugh. Usually I’m over their reactions, their doubt and disbelief- but this was the anniversary! I just wanted to sit at home with the dogs and Alden, and spend the week looking at our vids and photos and just remember you. Think about where you might be right now. What you’re doing, how hard you’re trying to get back.
This past year was hard, but easier than that first. Susan helped. I’d turn for you and no one would be there and I’d call her. I couldn’t stand to be alone and she understood - she’d make me get out and would listen when I told her stories about you - nothing bad! I promise!
Sometimes we’d hit the movies, but most times it was a simple walk with the dogs, though with four of them it’s never just ‘simple’. I’m still taking vids for you, lots and lots of them. I’m even in a couple of them because Susan offered to help.
I miss you so much. I’m waiting for you,
Mark
___
Dear Kathryn,
I love you so much. I really, honestly love you, but it’s been three years. Starfleet told me to stop calling them a month ago. I know you’re still out there but- please, don’t think less of me- I just don’t know anymore.
Susan and me have started dating.
I love you! But, she’s been so kind, so good. Every time I needed someone there she was. And she never pushed me! She doesn’t tell me you’re dead, she sat with me on your birthday. I baked a cake for you, I tried that first year but I just couldn’t handle it. Once I finished frosting it I just stood there, it hit me that you might not come back, I broke down. Just collapsed against the counter and started crying, Mollie licking my face and Kathryn nudging my side… I called Susan. She came over and sat with me. Reminded me that you were still out there and trying to get back.
I want to ask her to marry me.
I- I know you could come back at any time but I loved you and I lost you. I don’t want that to happen again. I love her, I honestly do. I just hope you understand when you come back.
I love you,
Mark
___
Dear Kathryn,
So much has happened since you’ve disappeared. I- There’s not enough time to tell it all. Starfleet called me at work and told me there only a small window and I love you! I really do and I never stopped believing but how can I explain it to you?
I suppose, this past year, I really did believe you weren’t coming back. Seven months ago I sat down and somehow survived the three year anniversary. These past years have been the hardest of my entire life, probably will always be the hardest. I wrote letters to you, it was my way of keeping in touch with you - I’ve included them here for you, so you could hopefully understand. I’ve also made vids, but they’ll take to long to retrieve and I want there to be no doubt that you receive this letter. No matter what - when you return, they’re yours. Please understand, I love you.
But I’ve met someone, she’s amazing. She helped me survive with you gone without ever pushing for more. She respects you, helps take care of Mollie and the pups. I married her two months ago.
I love you.
I’m so sorry,
Mark
Characters: Mark Johnson (Janeway's fiance)
Rating: PG
Summary: Captain Janeway had a fiancé who she left behind when the Voyager disappeared. This is a glance at his life.
AN: You don't really need to see Voyager to understand... here's the basic facts. Voyager crew was gone for roughly 7 years. Captain Janeway had a fiancé. This discusses her fiancé struggles and will contain spoilers for later in the series. As a note, I didn’t actually see the episode Hunter so these letters are just my guesses based on what I thought when I learned of the situation.
Dear Kathryn,
I… Don’t really know how to begin this. You were officially declared dead today- I don’t believe it! Of course not but well, for the past six months Starfleet has been sending countless ships try and figure out what happened to you, or really the USS Voyager and they haven’t found a damn thing.
Sometimes, I forget you’ve gone missing. I’d check my messages wondering when you’ll check in about the new puppies. They’re beautiful, by the way. There’s only three but it doesn’t matter, they have the energy to make up double their number. I know you said I should sell all but one, but how could I? I mean- not with you-
I know you’re still out there. No debris, no strange readings, no beacons. You are better than that. You would have alerted Starfleet somehow, whatever it was that stole you-
I just wish Starfleet had been man enough to give me the news personally, hell, a letter would have worked! But no, instead the first thing I hear is the official announcement on the news about the USS Voyager missing. We’re engaged. I shouldn’t have to hear it on the news with the rest of the damn world. I mean, god, I was just sitting there watching a game and I heard through a damn five minute update! I didn’t believe the news, figuring they were just overreacting or that Starfleet was holding back information. But then it was the next week and people started talking about it at work, a friend gave me a side glance, asking wasn’t that your ships and I- I yelled at him. Told him to stop buying into rumors and spreading gossip and people started giving me these looks, these stupid pitying looks…
But I don’t care. I’m still waiting for you. I’ll wait forever if needed - I love you. I love you so much and I’d never give up on you.
Still searching,
Mark
___
Dear Kathryn,
It’s been a year since you- since Voyager went missing. I know you’re out there struggling to come home.
It’s been hard, oh god has it been. I stopped forgetting you were gone, but sometimes I’d just wake up and stare at your pillow, tears falling. Mollie tends to sit staring at the door, low whine and expectant look on her face - she knows you’re coming back too. We still remember you.
Sorry, it’s just. The damn news! It’s a year to the day you’ve gone missing and every time I turn on the TV there’s some idiot bemoaning your loss, detailing the crew and history of everyone and apologizing to me and the others left behind. Useless! All of it. The only good part was Starfleet putting on a small closed ceremony for Voyager and inviting all the families your crew left behind. Sounds strange, but it’s the first time we met. Part of me hated it, it was giving in to the fact you were gone but some of the others needed this to move on.
But you’re still out there and I’m not going to waste this letter on pain and tears. When you get back I want you to smile and laugh at these letters, reassured that no matter how doubtful it was, I never doubted for a minute you were coming back. These letters will help catch you up!
I’m sure you remember Mollie being pregnant? Well, she had three lovely puppies I kept and named. The oldest was female and I named her Kathryn, after you. She’s full of attitude and isn’t afraid of anything, charging in and tearing everything apart. Jackie was second and a bit more shy, always nosing about and barking at the slightest suspicious sound. She’ll grow out of it though, especially with Kathy (it’s what I call the oldest when it gets to be too much, I love you so much why can’t you just come home already?) pushing and making her challenge the world. The youngest was male and I named him Will- I know! Seems a bit self-serving my middle name and all but god, he has so much spirit. He’ll never measure up to Kathy but he won’t be the one backing down either. He’s a little small and was the last to learn how to jump up on the couch but damn if he ever stopped trying. Time after time after time he’d go for it until I’d pick him up. He’d just huff at me and lay down in my lap. He’d be your favorite I think.
You would love ‘em, Kat. I wished you could see them growing up - I’m taking vids for you! Soon as you come back, I’ll sit you down to watch them.
I got a kitten. I remember you always talking about balance - can’t be a captain who goes off fighting every chance and neither can you always rely on diplomacy. Well, I’m never going to be in the field but I figure a man with four dogs is a bit unbalanced and besides. There I was picking up dog food and they were talking about how no one would take him in and how could I leave him there? You’d laugh at me, I know, but I picked him up right then and there. They had called him Spot cause he was white with these splotches of black fur but well, that was rather plain and unimaginative - there was no character to that. A friend of mine from work - Susan, she’s nice you’d like her, well, she recommended the name Alden. He responded well to it and that was that. I was lucky. Your pups got along beautifully with Alden.
They’re what helped me through this. In the beginning I’d go to work, work overtime, come home and watch the news, waiting to here you’ve returned. I call Starfleet every Thursday asking about you, if there’s any new leads, hints, guesses even. But with the puppies and kitten, well, they made me live again. Remember the joy.
Remember to smile, so that when you come home it won’t be to a dead house.
I love you so much.
We’re still waiting for you,
Mark, Mollie, & the puppies and kitten
___
Dear Kathryn,
They didn’t even mention you on the news today. Two years. You’ve been gone two years and you’re already forgotten by the public. Sure, it was big and scary when it happened - a ship disappearing without warning like that? Not even in battle! But they did their damn service, they cried and held prayers last year. Who cares now that it’s been two years out?
I’ll admit, most days I go without thinking of you, I forget you’re missing and not just on a five year mission. I’ll be smiling and laughing and then I’ll pass that restaurant you love so much and it hits me so hard- I just-
About a week ago I went in and asked for time off. When my manager asked why and I mentioned you he gave me this frown. Told me I should just move on, that you’ve already been dead for two years! Now, you know I’m a peaceful man but I wanted to punch him! Luckily, Susan was there and she pulled me away. I know you’d frown and tut at me, then probably laugh. Usually I’m over their reactions, their doubt and disbelief- but this was the anniversary! I just wanted to sit at home with the dogs and Alden, and spend the week looking at our vids and photos and just remember you. Think about where you might be right now. What you’re doing, how hard you’re trying to get back.
This past year was hard, but easier than that first. Susan helped. I’d turn for you and no one would be there and I’d call her. I couldn’t stand to be alone and she understood - she’d make me get out and would listen when I told her stories about you - nothing bad! I promise!
Sometimes we’d hit the movies, but most times it was a simple walk with the dogs, though with four of them it’s never just ‘simple’. I’m still taking vids for you, lots and lots of them. I’m even in a couple of them because Susan offered to help.
I miss you so much. I’m waiting for you,
Mark
___
Dear Kathryn,
I love you so much. I really, honestly love you, but it’s been three years. Starfleet told me to stop calling them a month ago. I know you’re still out there but- please, don’t think less of me- I just don’t know anymore.
Susan and me have started dating.
I love you! But, she’s been so kind, so good. Every time I needed someone there she was. And she never pushed me! She doesn’t tell me you’re dead, she sat with me on your birthday. I baked a cake for you, I tried that first year but I just couldn’t handle it. Once I finished frosting it I just stood there, it hit me that you might not come back, I broke down. Just collapsed against the counter and started crying, Mollie licking my face and Kathryn nudging my side… I called Susan. She came over and sat with me. Reminded me that you were still out there and trying to get back.
I want to ask her to marry me.
I- I know you could come back at any time but I loved you and I lost you. I don’t want that to happen again. I love her, I honestly do. I just hope you understand when you come back.
I love you,
Mark
___
Dear Kathryn,
So much has happened since you’ve disappeared. I- There’s not enough time to tell it all. Starfleet called me at work and told me there only a small window and I love you! I really do and I never stopped believing but how can I explain it to you?
I suppose, this past year, I really did believe you weren’t coming back. Seven months ago I sat down and somehow survived the three year anniversary. These past years have been the hardest of my entire life, probably will always be the hardest. I wrote letters to you, it was my way of keeping in touch with you - I’ve included them here for you, so you could hopefully understand. I’ve also made vids, but they’ll take to long to retrieve and I want there to be no doubt that you receive this letter. No matter what - when you return, they’re yours. Please understand, I love you.
But I’ve met someone, she’s amazing. She helped me survive with you gone without ever pushing for more. She respects you, helps take care of Mollie and the pups. I married her two months ago.
I love you.
I’m so sorry,
Mark