Top Gear: The Musical
Someone over on FG raised the question of what we'll all do now that S12 has ended, and I facetiously responded that I would go back through old episodes and turn them into sing-along musicals.
And then I had a long, boring walk to the store.
(Spoilers for 08x03, the first Amphibious Car Challenge.)
JAMES:
My car has got a sail...
JEREMY:
My car is full of foam!
RICHARD:
My car is sure to fail
And I want to go home!
JAMES:
I'll go straight in the lake!
JEREMY:
I'm heading for the far shore!
RICHARD:
I think my engine can't take
It anymore...
JEREMY:
Do you need some help?
RICHARD:
Are you making me beg?
JAMES:
Am I stuck in kelp?
RICHARD:
Would you like a leg?
JEREMY:
Come in and help me bail.
RICHARD:
We've only got this pail.
JAMES:
I think I love my sail!
RICHARD & JEREMY:
You're moving like a snail!
JAMES:
Well, I could use...a gale...
Crowd:
We're saying "Go go go!"
JEREMY:
I'm having such a blast...
Crowd:
We're cheering Captain Slow!
RICHARD:
We're moving much too fast...
I think I'm going in!
JEREMY:
Oh don't be such a girl.
I sense we're going to win!
RICHARD:
I sense I'm going to hurl...
JAMES (aria):
My car, my boat, I love you
As o'er the waves we glide
We'll never part our ways
And your beauty I will praise
If you'll just reach the other side
In the NEXT FEW DAYS!
JEREMY:
I see the distant land!
RICHARD:
How do we reach the dock?
JEREMY:
...I hadn't really planned...
RICHARD:
I think you really cock
-Ed that one up well.
JEREMY:
Bloody hell!
RICHARD & JEREMY (lamentoso):
It's sinking...overturning...
All around us the tides are churning...
JEREMY:
Quick, we have to climb on top
And we'll sit there on the keel.
RICHARD:
I'm sinking, I can't stop!
JEREMY:
You've grabbed the wheel.
RICHARD:
Oh.
How do you think he's doing,
Our third friend out in his craft?
JEREMY:
He might as well be canoeing
And he's daft!
RICHARD:
And he's daft!
JAMES:
Daft am I? I'll make you see
There is sailor's blood in me!
If I only had a breeee...
...eeeze. God, it's slow.
Why won't it blow?
JEREMY:
Is he landing? I am dumbstruck!
He was slowing by the hour!
My Toyboata was a REAL truck
And had powwwaaarrrr!
JAMES:
I'm coming in to land.
JEREMY:
I think I'm seeing red!
RICHARD:
Here let me give you a hand...
JAMES:
Oh now my clutch is dead.
But it seems I win!
And your car's on its back.
JEREMY:
(Can't we just push him in?)
JAMES:
Good handling's just a knack.
RICHARD:
So...
JEREMY:
Sooo...
JAMES:
Sooooo...
RICHARD:
So now we've driven shore to shore
JEREMY:
Without the use of road or oar
JAMES:
And though we made it, we're aware
And we can definitely declare
ALL:
That sailing's really...aaaa...BOOORRRRRE!
(EXEUNT STAGE LEFT)
And then I had a long, boring walk to the store.
(Spoilers for 08x03, the first Amphibious Car Challenge.)
JAMES:
My car has got a sail...
JEREMY:
My car is full of foam!
RICHARD:
My car is sure to fail
And I want to go home!
JAMES:
I'll go straight in the lake!
JEREMY:
I'm heading for the far shore!
RICHARD:
I think my engine can't take
It anymore...
JEREMY:
Do you need some help?
RICHARD:
Are you making me beg?
JAMES:
Am I stuck in kelp?
RICHARD:
Would you like a leg?
JEREMY:
Come in and help me bail.
RICHARD:
We've only got this pail.
JAMES:
I think I love my sail!
RICHARD & JEREMY:
You're moving like a snail!
JAMES:
Well, I could use...a gale...
Crowd:
We're saying "Go go go!"
JEREMY:
I'm having such a blast...
Crowd:
We're cheering Captain Slow!
RICHARD:
We're moving much too fast...
I think I'm going in!
JEREMY:
Oh don't be such a girl.
I sense we're going to win!
RICHARD:
I sense I'm going to hurl...
JAMES (aria):
My car, my boat, I love you
As o'er the waves we glide
We'll never part our ways
And your beauty I will praise
If you'll just reach the other side
In the NEXT FEW DAYS!
JEREMY:
I see the distant land!
RICHARD:
How do we reach the dock?
JEREMY:
...I hadn't really planned...
RICHARD:
I think you really cock
-Ed that one up well.
JEREMY:
Bloody hell!
RICHARD & JEREMY (lamentoso):
It's sinking...overturning...
All around us the tides are churning...
JEREMY:
Quick, we have to climb on top
And we'll sit there on the keel.
RICHARD:
I'm sinking, I can't stop!
JEREMY:
You've grabbed the wheel.
RICHARD:
Oh.
How do you think he's doing,
Our third friend out in his craft?
JEREMY:
He might as well be canoeing
And he's daft!
RICHARD:
And he's daft!
JAMES:
Daft am I? I'll make you see
There is sailor's blood in me!
If I only had a breeee...
...eeeze. God, it's slow.
Why won't it blow?
JEREMY:
Is he landing? I am dumbstruck!
He was slowing by the hour!
My Toyboata was a REAL truck
And had powwwaaarrrr!
JAMES:
I'm coming in to land.
JEREMY:
I think I'm seeing red!
RICHARD:
Here let me give you a hand...
JAMES:
Oh now my clutch is dead.
But it seems I win!
And your car's on its back.
JEREMY:
(Can't we just push him in?)
JAMES:
Good handling's just a knack.
RICHARD:
So...
JEREMY:
Sooo...
JAMES:
Sooooo...
RICHARD:
So now we've driven shore to shore
JEREMY:
Without the use of road or oar
JAMES:
And though we made it, we're aware
And we can definitely declare
ALL:
That sailing's really...aaaa...BOOORRRRRE!
(EXEUNT STAGE LEFT)