Yesterday's unposted entry...
Yesterday I wrote this entry, and it was how I felt at the time; I guess I was in a weird mood at the time, but I don't feel that way so much now. I don't really like this entry, but I am going to stay true to the me of last night, because I was worried that I would change my mind, so I'm making a point of posting it. The trick to this is to not read it :P I did not have a chance to post it last night because I got signed offline...Argh! Oh well, here it is, in all it's lack of glory.
It's hard for me to do anything that really means anything. A day wasted and a day well spent is so subjective, and over time the bias that says a day is what it is changes. So once that opinion changes, and you lose interest in what you were doing before, what does that do to the time spent on that matter? If you work an hour on something, how long do you need to be interested in the result before you cast that aside and obsess over something new? And if you work on something for any amount of time, and you quickly lose interest in it, does that make that time you spent working on it wasted? Memories get so easily corrupted, and there is something in every event for a person to regret, nomatter how happy and interesting. At what point do you say that the time, effort, and money put into something was all worth it. My friend told me that he makes a point of not regretting the decisions he makes, which is, of course, impossible. Regret is as much apart of our lives as joy and pain. I want to do something in my life that is really meaningful, and will remain so for a long time. It's easy to do something that is meaningful for someone else, or at least to fool yourself into thinking that you did. But you can't fool yourself, try as you might, and what is really difficult is to find something that is truly meaningful to YOURSELF, and will be for years to come. An obsession that is not a fad.call me selfish, call me idealistic, call me whatever, but I want to do something that means enough to me to last longer then someone with no attention span, and probably an addictive personality can ruin. Lyrics from an Eagles song just popped into my head. The line..."your afraid it's all been wasted time" seems eerily appropriate. I don't care if you hate them, I LIKE their music. So how do you decide what's been wasted time, and what is time well spent. Because just saying that if you enjoyed the moment then it was worth it doesn't seem to be cutting it for me. Maybe I should just accept that and drop it, but a moment is never as simple as enjoying it or not enjoying it. There are mixed feeling in all times, and doubts and regrets leak into every experience. Stupid brain is acting like a middle school student again. Except with slightly better writing skills. Ugh. Time to turn it off.
MOOD:
psudo introspective
MUSIC:
silence--->sometimes remerkably therepudic, but soon to be the Eagles
It's hard for me to do anything that really means anything. A day wasted and a day well spent is so subjective, and over time the bias that says a day is what it is changes. So once that opinion changes, and you lose interest in what you were doing before, what does that do to the time spent on that matter? If you work an hour on something, how long do you need to be interested in the result before you cast that aside and obsess over something new? And if you work on something for any amount of time, and you quickly lose interest in it, does that make that time you spent working on it wasted? Memories get so easily corrupted, and there is something in every event for a person to regret, nomatter how happy and interesting. At what point do you say that the time, effort, and money put into something was all worth it. My friend told me that he makes a point of not regretting the decisions he makes, which is, of course, impossible. Regret is as much apart of our lives as joy and pain. I want to do something in my life that is really meaningful, and will remain so for a long time. It's easy to do something that is meaningful for someone else, or at least to fool yourself into thinking that you did. But you can't fool yourself, try as you might, and what is really difficult is to find something that is truly meaningful to YOURSELF, and will be for years to come. An obsession that is not a fad.call me selfish, call me idealistic, call me whatever, but I want to do something that means enough to me to last longer then someone with no attention span, and probably an addictive personality can ruin. Lyrics from an Eagles song just popped into my head. The line..."your afraid it's all been wasted time" seems eerily appropriate. I don't care if you hate them, I LIKE their music. So how do you decide what's been wasted time, and what is time well spent. Because just saying that if you enjoyed the moment then it was worth it doesn't seem to be cutting it for me. Maybe I should just accept that and drop it, but a moment is never as simple as enjoying it or not enjoying it. There are mixed feeling in all times, and doubts and regrets leak into every experience. Stupid brain is acting like a middle school student again. Except with slightly better writing skills. Ugh. Time to turn it off.
MOOD:
psudo introspective
MUSIC:
silence--->sometimes remerkably therepudic, but soon to be the Eagles