WIP FIC: Good Start Back
Title: Good Start Back
Author: lddurham
Rating: R (Where has all the smut gone...?)
Pairing: Draco/Harry
Warning: No beta, written fairly quickly, angst. There is another warning that I should put here but it would ruin the ending. If it offends or distresses you, I sincerely apologize.
Summary: Draco and Harry after a war and after the rush of feelings war can create. This plot bunny wouldn't get away from my ankles and I kept tripping over the damn thing. Now that it is done, perhaps it will leave me alone.
A/N: I request and require honest feedback. This was a bit experimental in its idea for me and I'm not entirely sure I pulled it off so any feedback would be greatly appreciated. I'm still working the kinks out. Thank you!!!!!!
Inspirations: "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?", "Interview With a Vampire" (for a certain scene), "War of the Roses" (sort of).
Good Start Back
"We would like to thank the faculty for this award. Harry and I are only happy to do as much as we can for those in need. We hope to continue our work in making Wizard-kind a truly noble thing. Thank you."
Applause followed the tall man, with blond hair that cascaded down to his shoulders, as he moved away from the podium and back to his table. He leaned down and gave his husband a kiss on the temple and sat down to listen to the other award recipients and to finish the very expensive meal. Afterwards, both he and his husband meandered and chatted, mingled and networked and at the end of the night had garnered two more sponsors to their charity work and secured another safe location for a school. All in all, it was a very prosperous evening and at the end of it the two well dressed gentlemen Apparated home. The large house was dark and silent when they stepped inside. It stayed silent and dark as they both dropped their smiles along with their coats. The bar in the sitting room was immediately opened and the sound of glass clinking drifted into the hall.
“Don’t you think you had enough at dinner? And then again during cocktail hour?” Draco asked from the doorway, his arms braced on either side. The fire was lit in the room and gave very murky light.
“I’ll drink what I want,” Harry snapped back.
“I wasn’t talking about what you were drinking, but how much. I really don’t feel like stepping over you passed out on the rug on the way out in the morning.”
“Don’t you mean on your way in in the morning?” Harry laughed and tipped a shot glass back. He hissed as the strong liquor hit the back of his throat. “Or do the whorehouses operate in daylight now?”
“I don’t believe so, but I’ll make sure to suggest it.”
Draco walked up the stairs and Harry went back to his drinking.
Draco opened the front door at near three in the morning. He quietly slipped in and pulled the perfume-laden scarf from his neck, tossing it down to be cleaned by the house elves. He was walking past the dining room when the scrape of a chair and the sound of a glass being set down alerted him that he wasn’t the only one awake.
“How many did you fuck tonight?”
Draco paused and looked into the room. Harry was stumbling to his feet and Draco hadn’t needed the slurred words to alert him as to his husband’s condition. “I lost count, actually. I broke in a new worker, though. I remember that. Rough technique, but made up for it with enthusiasm,” he answered dryly. “How many bottles have you gone through?”
Harry’s foot hit a chair leg and he almost went down, but with the amazing luck of a drunk, stayed upright and kept coming. His clothing was disheveled and his eyes were red-rimmed. “I don’t fucking remember!” Harry shot back nastily.
Crossing his arms, Draco watched Harry stumble toward him with a disgusted look on his face. “Don’t swear, Harry. You don’t have the knack for it. Besides, what would your fans say?”
“Fuck you!”
“Really? I’d have thought they would say something more along the lines of, “Oh no, our hero is a fall down drunk.”
“And you are nothing but a lying rat!”
“Snake, Harry. You always call me a lying snake. Or have you forgotten?”
“Gods, I hate you!”
Draco smirked. “The feeling is mutual. Now go to bed before you pass out on the floor. You know you scare the house elves when you do that.” Draco turned and started up the stairs. Harry rushed out and grabbed the banister to keep himself steady.
“Fuck you, Draco! Are you going to wash the stink off you? Because there is not enough soap to get you clean!”
“I know that, Harry. I’ve slept with you, haven’t I?”
Draco didn’t flinch when the bottle smashed into the wall beside him. Red liquor ran down the wall like blood, pooling on the steps and staining the wainscoting.
“Now, Mr. Potter, will you please tell my audience about you and Mr. Malfoy’s story?”
Harry smiled politely and cocked his head to the side in his best cute confused way. “Our story? I’m afraid I don’t understand, ma’am.”
Ms. Snoggle twinkled out a laugh and blushed. She readjusted her seat in the chair and seemed to get a bit nervous. But she was a good reporter and didn’t lose sight of her goal. “Oh, the story of how you two went from notorious school rivals to being happily married! I’m sure you have told the story countless times, but please, for my listeners, won’t you retell it once more?” She batted her eyelashes for good measure. Harry smiled and laughed.
“Oh, of course. Sorry about that.” He scratched his ear as if trying to remember. The light from the sitting room windows made the recording equipment seem benign and happy. Harry laughed again. “Well, Draco and I were always butting heads in school. Then The War became active and, well, lines were drawn. Things happened that I wish hadn’t, as I’m sure all of us do. I can’t really tell you how Draco felt or what he saw during those times, but they were very intense and scary for me. Anyways, it was during a skirmish with a group of Death Eaters and my best friend was hit and went down. I lost sight of everything but him and I gave up my defenses to try to help my friend. Suddenly, there was Draco and he was rescuing us both. I hadn’t seen him for over half a year; he had disappeared. But there he was, throwing curses and spells I had no knowledge of and he was actually rescuing my friend and me. After the skirmish, I offered my hand in friendship and we both started to work together. It was a really hectic and frightening time and emotions ran high. Well, we sort of fell in love and promised each other to get through the war together.” Harry smiled. “And we did. That night, after the battle, we got married. I was lying in a hospital bed and Draco was bandaged up, and we were afraid he was going to lose his eye, but there we were getting married. It was unreal,” Harry laughed. “And we have been together ever since.”
“Much to the delight of everyone!” Ms. Snoggle announced happily. “Your marriage was truly an amazing thing for the Wizarding world, as I’m sure you know! The hope and determination that your marriage gave to all of us, is awe-inspiring. You two were the poster couple for rebuilding our lives. Has that sort of pressure put any strain on your marriage?”
“No. None at all,” Harry smiled. “We are happy that our love and commitment to each other could help even one person see the light side of The War. It keeps us going.”
“And going you have been! The amazing amount of charity work and rebuilding you two have done is phenomenal! Two new hospitals, several schools, the rebuilding of many landmarks, and several hundreds of thousands of Galleons given to those hurt most. What keeps you going?”
“We feel that if you have the ability to help, than you should. That’s all.” Harry smiled again.
“But what of you two? With both you of you being the last of your lines, the only members of your immediate and extended families, are their any plans for you two to start your own?” Ms. Snoggle asked with a wink.
Harry blushed and chuckled. His hands fisted underneath his legs. “We have too much to do right now. Besides, that’s a bit personal, Ms. Snoggle,” he laughed nervously and ducked his head. Ms. Snoggle laughed, leaned forward and patted his knee.
“Of course, Mr. Potter. I suppose a celebrity must have some secrets discreetly left uncovered.”
Harry laughed. “Just a few,” he agreed. “But nothing your listeners would be too shocked at hearing.”
The dining room was cold, like the rest of the house. Harry sat across from him at the table. It was rare that they were both home for dinner. “Nice interview,” Draco said into the silence.
“You actually listened to it?” Harry drained his second glass since the appetizers. They hadn’t even gotten through the salad yet.
“Yes. They had the W.W. playing while we were painting the new ward. Everyone oohed and ahhed appropriately.”
“Hmm,” Harry answered non-committally and then hissed at the house elf to fill his glass again.
“Tell me, is it better to deal with yourself while soused?”
Harry sneered at Draco across the table. “I don’t know. Is it better to view life while piled under paid bed partners?”
“I am never at the bottom, Harry. And yes.”
“Then yes!”
The main course was served, and then dessert, all without another word uttered between them. The cease-fire never lasted though.
“You’re going to be caught, you know.” Harry spoke suddenly. His eyes sparkled and his body had begun to slip in his chair. “Then, when your seen with your whores, everyone will run to me and be aghast at how you could be so disgusting.” Harry chuckled and took another gulp from his glass.
Draco wiped his mouth with his napkin and set it down next to his empty plate. Harry’s was still half filled and his dessert sat untouched. “Really? And when they see you dribbling whiskey down your chin, what will they think? They certainly won’t think we are the poster couple of rebuilding anything, will they? I guess our love didn’t last.”
“There was no love! You were-are nothing but a bastard! A contollly-controlling, lying bastard!” Harry had sat up, spilling the Merlot across his plate and in his lap.
“And you are nothing but a weak-spined, frigid, Victorian prince who thinks that the world still wants him to play victim!” Draco stood and sneered down at Harry. “The position of Martyr has closed. You will have to find a new career.”
“I was! You took it away from me!”
“I took nothing from you!” Draco slammed his chair back and walked away. “You’re pathetic, Harry. You always have been.”
“Don’t walk away from me!” Harry screeched, kicking his own chair back and over and marching after his husband. “You always walk away and think you are so much more superior! Well, you’re not!”
Draco spun and met him at the bottom of the stairs. “And you are? You, who are drunk most of your life? Who is a mess and likes to pretend that all his troubles are my fault?”
“Gods, I hate you! Talk about being a- a martyr! You did ruin my life! You know you did!”
“Yes, and everyone else did too, right, Harry?” Draco answered patronizingly. “It’s always somebody else’s fault!”
“You killed him!”
Everything went silent except for Harry’s heavy breathing and the sound the banister made as it groaned under the task of holding Harry up. Draco came down from the step he had climbed and faced Harry straight on. “Shut up.”
“No! You killed him! He was mine and you took him away!” Harry screamed. Draco grabbed him by the arms in a bruising grip and hauled him into the sitting room. Shoving him on the couch, Draco turned away.
“I’m going to bed,” he gritted out between his clenched teeth. “I suggest you sleep it off.”
“Don’t walk away from me! You murderer!” Harry scrambled to his feet as Draco turned sharply back around.
“Sit the fuck down,” he yelled. “You are a drunk, Harry! Just sit the fuck down and shut up!”
“No! I want you to admit it! Admit it! You hated him! You wanted nothing to do with him! You planned it all!” Harry shouted, waving his hands and finally throwing the glass he had been carrying. The liquid it had held had already splashed the floor and had stained his clothes since leaving the table. Now the glass went sailing at Draco who neatly dodged the wild throw and then charged after Harry. Harry was shoved hard back into the sofa.
“Sit down!”
“Bastard! Murderer!” Harry accused, fighting valiantly to right himself, glaring wildly up into Draco’s reddening face. “I want you to admit it!”
“Shut up! You’re drunk! Just shut up and stay down!” Draco spun away but his shirt was grabbed from behind. “Harry, let me go. You need to sleep it off and I need to get the hell out of here. This fucking house is sucking away my life!” Draco wrenched away and he heard Harry fall to the ground.
“It’s sucking away your life?!” Harry shouted. “You stole mine! You stole it away from me! Everything is gone because of you!” Draco turned back and saw Harry sitting on the floor, his back against the furniture, hands fisted in his lap. “I hate you! I wish you had never come back into my life!”
“I assure you that I regret that moment more than anything,” Draco hissed.
“He was mine.” Harry’s voice had dropped and his eyes had become wet. “You killed him! I know you did!”
Draco snarled and whirled away. “Go sleep it off.”
“Why won’t you admit it?” Harry yelled and heaved himself to his feet once again. “I know you did it! You were ashamed of him. You wanted him to disappear! Just admit it!”
“Fine!” Draco spun around and shouted. “Fine, I admit it! He was a bloody fucking mess! A mistake! But you will not blame it all on me, Harry!”
Harry laughed and sobbed at the same time. “I knew it!” he crowed with an accusing finger pointed at Draco. “An abomination, right? You called him a regret!”
“You fucking drunk! I said it was regretful, I didn’t say anything about him!”
“You didn’t have to! I saw it! You hated him! You hated me!”
“I’m not doing this with you, Harry,” Draco suddenly said, shaking his head and lowering his voice. “You are beyond making or understanding sense. I’m leaving.”
Harry lunged at Draco and grabbed him by a fistful of shirt. “You always run away! Coward!” The green eyes were almost glowing in anger and madness.
“I am not running away! I am getting the fuck away from you! I would have no problem having a discussion with you while sober, but you rarely seem to be in that stage, are you?”
“You told me to! You told me to do it! You taught me which liquors were the best!”
“To ease the pain of a war wound! Three years ago! Don’t you dare try to blame your drinking problem on me, as well!”
“I don’t blame you for anything but for what you did!”
“Let go of me,” Draco said darkly. “Now.”
“No! Not until you tell me why! Why did you kill him?”
Draco shoved Harry hard to the ground and stood over him, breathing heavily. “I didn’t fucking kill him! I should have you committed, you know that? You’re insane!” Draco turned but was brought down to the floor as well, by a well placed kick to the back of his knee. He lay sprawled for a moment, staring into the rug under him. One breath, then two and then he got up on his knees to face Harry in a similar position. “I’m done. I’m leaving, Harry. I’m done and we are going to end this farce once and for all,” he announced calmly, his hands resting on his knees. Harry’s eyes and face were red and his chest heaved.
“No. You can’t. The people-“
“I don’t give a damn. We have paid into them. We have done our share. More than our share. Now its time to end it,” he answered and began to climb to his feet when Harry’s shout stopped him.
“You can’t! You can’t leave me!”
“Yes, I can. I hope you get help and get better once I’m gone.”
Draco got to his feet, shrugging off Harry’s grasping hands and left the room.
A loud crash got Draco’s attention as he finished packing his necessary items. He’d send for the rest. Another crash and the sound of breaking wood made him sigh and walk into the hallway wondering what insanity Harry was committing now. At first he didn’t see anything. Then the small light coming from a room that should never have been opened again had him walking quickly down the hall. He reached the open doorway and saw the splintered wood lying all over the floor. The curtains were shredded and the bedding was strewn about everywhere. Harry stood in the middle of it all, continuing to kick and hack at the remnants of the furniture. His hands, arms, and legs were gashed, even through clothing, and bleeding.
“Harry! What the hell are you doing in here? What have you done?” Draco shouted. Harry faced him and a bloody scrape went down one side of his face from cheek to chin. “You have lost your mind!”
“You… you can’t go! You can’t go and leave me with this! You have to take it! You have to take part of it! He wanted you! I know he did!”
Draco stepped into the destroyed room and moved around a stuffed dragon. “Harry, look at yourself! You have gone mad!”
“No! No, he wants to go with you! He doesn’t want to stay here with just me!”
“Harry, listen to what you are saying! Listen to yourself!” Draco shouted harshly as he grabbed a hold of Harry’s arms and shook him hard. “You’re talking about him as if he were alive!”
“He can’t stay here without you!” Harry cried desperately.
“Harry! He’s dead! Mikah is dead! Stop this!” Draco shook Harry again. “Stop it now!”
Harry crumpled like a rag doll and Draco followed him down to cushion the fall. They sat in what remained of the crib and the bedding and the toys they had excitedly collected. “I …I can’t. Please. Don’t take you away, too,” Harry whispered. “I can’t kill everyone! Please, not everyone. I was careful and made sure to hate you so that you wouldn’t leave. But now you are…”
“Harry, you aren’t making any sense.” For the first time in years, Draco put an arm around his husband. “You haven’t killed anyone. You’re drunk. You just need to go to sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning, like you always do.”
“No. I did. I killed everyone. Everyone I ever cared about. Don’t you see?” Harry cried out, staring intently up into Draco’s face. “I killed Mikah! I made him wrong! I made him wrong and made you kill him!”
“I didn’t kill him! He just… he just wasn’t meant to be,” Draco tried explaining. “You didn’t make him wrong. Nobody did. He just was born that way. It just happens.”
“I was so careful!” Harry seemed to whisper to himself. “I was so careful to keep it all a secret. I didn’t want anyone to know he was on the way. If they knew I was happy they’d try to take him away. But it still happened.”
“Harry! Nobody took him away! He just… he just was born too early, too vulnerable. I told you! I was holding him and his breathing just stopped. I did everything I could and called for help. But… he just slipped away. You heard what the healer said. He was just too overwhelmed. His body couldn’t handle the magic around him. It happens. It’s nobody’s fault. I didn’t kill him!”
Harry looked back up at Draco. “You didn’t want him. You hated him!”
“No, I didn’t! I was sad, yes. It was regrettable that he was born a Squib. But I only worried about his future! All the disadvantages he would have. But never once did I want my own child’s death!”
“I did.”
Draco stopped and stared. “What?”
“I did.” Harry looked away and gazed at the soft peach walls. “I knew the world would look down on him. He would be pitied and compared to us. They would find him lacking in everything, no matter what. I knew it and knew he would have been better off not born. And then it happened. I killed him.”
Draco’ s entire body slumped. “Fuck,” he whispered. “Why didn’t you ever tell me this? Why didn’t you tell me what you were…?”
“I killed him and now you are leaving. Just like Hermione, Ron, my parents, Dumbledore, Sirius. Now everyone is gone.” Harry’s voice was completely emotionless. He seemed to be staring at nothing now. Or perhaps the ghosts he had named.
Draco cleared his throat roughly. “No. Harry, you didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t kill Mikah and you aren’t responsible for anyone else’s death. How many times do we have to go over this? It was a war! People die in war. People can’t handle it and just check out after a war, Granger and Weasley will come back. And Mikah… Harry, your thoughts were fine. What parent wouldn’t wish that their child not have to endure any pain? You didn’t kill him. I was the one holding him, right? You were in bed! You didn’t kill him!” Harry shook his head and remained silent, his face blank. Draco shook him again. “Harry! Look at me!” Draco didn’t wait for his compliance and moved Harry’s head to face him. “If you had told me all of this sooner, two years ago even, I could have told you that everything was fine!”
“Nothing’s fine now.”
Draco stopped at those soft words. “No. Nothing’s fine now. But… Fuck. Yeah, nothing’s fine now! But that doesn’t mean we can’t fix it! Right? We just have to remember the reason we fell in love with each other. It was your stubbornness and courage that won me over about you. Don’t let it leave you now!”
Harry’s eyes seemed to flicker with something and he finally seemed to focus on Draco’s face. “I.. I don’t want you to leave me now.”
“Then stop with the drowning in liquor!”
“Don’t go to the whores!”
“Fine. I won’t!”
“Fine. Me neither!”
Both stared at each other and both seemed to realize at the same instant that they were nearly hugging each other. For an awkward moment it seemed they would pull away, but then Draco sighed and hauled Harry against him. Harry tensed and then relaxed into an embrace he hadn’t felt in longer than he could remember.
“I miss him. I wanted him to be here,” Harry murmured.
“Me too.” A pause. “Will you get a grave marker for him now?”
Harry nodded against the shoulder under his cheek. “I’m sorry, Draco. I… I just…”
“Yeah. Running?”
“Yeah.”
Draco nodded in understanding and then pulled away. “Take another drink and I’ll hit you like I’ve been wanting to for a long time.”
“Go to another whore house and I’ll cut your prick off!”
Draco smiled and hesitantly leaned forward. He waited and Harry moved the last of the way and they shared a chaste kiss. It was odd, but fulfilling and just right for them. It was a good start back.
The End
Author: lddurham
Rating: R (Where has all the smut gone...?)
Pairing: Draco/Harry
Warning: No beta, written fairly quickly, angst. There is another warning that I should put here but it would ruin the ending. If it offends or distresses you, I sincerely apologize.
Summary: Draco and Harry after a war and after the rush of feelings war can create. This plot bunny wouldn't get away from my ankles and I kept tripping over the damn thing. Now that it is done, perhaps it will leave me alone.
A/N: I request and require honest feedback. This was a bit experimental in its idea for me and I'm not entirely sure I pulled it off so any feedback would be greatly appreciated. I'm still working the kinks out. Thank you!!!!!!
Inspirations: "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?", "Interview With a Vampire" (for a certain scene), "War of the Roses" (sort of).
Good Start Back
"We would like to thank the faculty for this award. Harry and I are only happy to do as much as we can for those in need. We hope to continue our work in making Wizard-kind a truly noble thing. Thank you."
Applause followed the tall man, with blond hair that cascaded down to his shoulders, as he moved away from the podium and back to his table. He leaned down and gave his husband a kiss on the temple and sat down to listen to the other award recipients and to finish the very expensive meal. Afterwards, both he and his husband meandered and chatted, mingled and networked and at the end of the night had garnered two more sponsors to their charity work and secured another safe location for a school. All in all, it was a very prosperous evening and at the end of it the two well dressed gentlemen Apparated home. The large house was dark and silent when they stepped inside. It stayed silent and dark as they both dropped their smiles along with their coats. The bar in the sitting room was immediately opened and the sound of glass clinking drifted into the hall.
“Don’t you think you had enough at dinner? And then again during cocktail hour?” Draco asked from the doorway, his arms braced on either side. The fire was lit in the room and gave very murky light.
“I’ll drink what I want,” Harry snapped back.
“I wasn’t talking about what you were drinking, but how much. I really don’t feel like stepping over you passed out on the rug on the way out in the morning.”
“Don’t you mean on your way in in the morning?” Harry laughed and tipped a shot glass back. He hissed as the strong liquor hit the back of his throat. “Or do the whorehouses operate in daylight now?”
“I don’t believe so, but I’ll make sure to suggest it.”
Draco walked up the stairs and Harry went back to his drinking.
Draco opened the front door at near three in the morning. He quietly slipped in and pulled the perfume-laden scarf from his neck, tossing it down to be cleaned by the house elves. He was walking past the dining room when the scrape of a chair and the sound of a glass being set down alerted him that he wasn’t the only one awake.
“How many did you fuck tonight?”
Draco paused and looked into the room. Harry was stumbling to his feet and Draco hadn’t needed the slurred words to alert him as to his husband’s condition. “I lost count, actually. I broke in a new worker, though. I remember that. Rough technique, but made up for it with enthusiasm,” he answered dryly. “How many bottles have you gone through?”
Harry’s foot hit a chair leg and he almost went down, but with the amazing luck of a drunk, stayed upright and kept coming. His clothing was disheveled and his eyes were red-rimmed. “I don’t fucking remember!” Harry shot back nastily.
Crossing his arms, Draco watched Harry stumble toward him with a disgusted look on his face. “Don’t swear, Harry. You don’t have the knack for it. Besides, what would your fans say?”
“Fuck you!”
“Really? I’d have thought they would say something more along the lines of, “Oh no, our hero is a fall down drunk.”
“And you are nothing but a lying rat!”
“Snake, Harry. You always call me a lying snake. Or have you forgotten?”
“Gods, I hate you!”
Draco smirked. “The feeling is mutual. Now go to bed before you pass out on the floor. You know you scare the house elves when you do that.” Draco turned and started up the stairs. Harry rushed out and grabbed the banister to keep himself steady.
“Fuck you, Draco! Are you going to wash the stink off you? Because there is not enough soap to get you clean!”
“I know that, Harry. I’ve slept with you, haven’t I?”
Draco didn’t flinch when the bottle smashed into the wall beside him. Red liquor ran down the wall like blood, pooling on the steps and staining the wainscoting.
“Now, Mr. Potter, will you please tell my audience about you and Mr. Malfoy’s story?”
Harry smiled politely and cocked his head to the side in his best cute confused way. “Our story? I’m afraid I don’t understand, ma’am.”
Ms. Snoggle twinkled out a laugh and blushed. She readjusted her seat in the chair and seemed to get a bit nervous. But she was a good reporter and didn’t lose sight of her goal. “Oh, the story of how you two went from notorious school rivals to being happily married! I’m sure you have told the story countless times, but please, for my listeners, won’t you retell it once more?” She batted her eyelashes for good measure. Harry smiled and laughed.
“Oh, of course. Sorry about that.” He scratched his ear as if trying to remember. The light from the sitting room windows made the recording equipment seem benign and happy. Harry laughed again. “Well, Draco and I were always butting heads in school. Then The War became active and, well, lines were drawn. Things happened that I wish hadn’t, as I’m sure all of us do. I can’t really tell you how Draco felt or what he saw during those times, but they were very intense and scary for me. Anyways, it was during a skirmish with a group of Death Eaters and my best friend was hit and went down. I lost sight of everything but him and I gave up my defenses to try to help my friend. Suddenly, there was Draco and he was rescuing us both. I hadn’t seen him for over half a year; he had disappeared. But there he was, throwing curses and spells I had no knowledge of and he was actually rescuing my friend and me. After the skirmish, I offered my hand in friendship and we both started to work together. It was a really hectic and frightening time and emotions ran high. Well, we sort of fell in love and promised each other to get through the war together.” Harry smiled. “And we did. That night, after the battle, we got married. I was lying in a hospital bed and Draco was bandaged up, and we were afraid he was going to lose his eye, but there we were getting married. It was unreal,” Harry laughed. “And we have been together ever since.”
“Much to the delight of everyone!” Ms. Snoggle announced happily. “Your marriage was truly an amazing thing for the Wizarding world, as I’m sure you know! The hope and determination that your marriage gave to all of us, is awe-inspiring. You two were the poster couple for rebuilding our lives. Has that sort of pressure put any strain on your marriage?”
“No. None at all,” Harry smiled. “We are happy that our love and commitment to each other could help even one person see the light side of The War. It keeps us going.”
“And going you have been! The amazing amount of charity work and rebuilding you two have done is phenomenal! Two new hospitals, several schools, the rebuilding of many landmarks, and several hundreds of thousands of Galleons given to those hurt most. What keeps you going?”
“We feel that if you have the ability to help, than you should. That’s all.” Harry smiled again.
“But what of you two? With both you of you being the last of your lines, the only members of your immediate and extended families, are their any plans for you two to start your own?” Ms. Snoggle asked with a wink.
Harry blushed and chuckled. His hands fisted underneath his legs. “We have too much to do right now. Besides, that’s a bit personal, Ms. Snoggle,” he laughed nervously and ducked his head. Ms. Snoggle laughed, leaned forward and patted his knee.
“Of course, Mr. Potter. I suppose a celebrity must have some secrets discreetly left uncovered.”
Harry laughed. “Just a few,” he agreed. “But nothing your listeners would be too shocked at hearing.”
The dining room was cold, like the rest of the house. Harry sat across from him at the table. It was rare that they were both home for dinner. “Nice interview,” Draco said into the silence.
“You actually listened to it?” Harry drained his second glass since the appetizers. They hadn’t even gotten through the salad yet.
“Yes. They had the W.W. playing while we were painting the new ward. Everyone oohed and ahhed appropriately.”
“Hmm,” Harry answered non-committally and then hissed at the house elf to fill his glass again.
“Tell me, is it better to deal with yourself while soused?”
Harry sneered at Draco across the table. “I don’t know. Is it better to view life while piled under paid bed partners?”
“I am never at the bottom, Harry. And yes.”
“Then yes!”
The main course was served, and then dessert, all without another word uttered between them. The cease-fire never lasted though.
“You’re going to be caught, you know.” Harry spoke suddenly. His eyes sparkled and his body had begun to slip in his chair. “Then, when your seen with your whores, everyone will run to me and be aghast at how you could be so disgusting.” Harry chuckled and took another gulp from his glass.
Draco wiped his mouth with his napkin and set it down next to his empty plate. Harry’s was still half filled and his dessert sat untouched. “Really? And when they see you dribbling whiskey down your chin, what will they think? They certainly won’t think we are the poster couple of rebuilding anything, will they? I guess our love didn’t last.”
“There was no love! You were-are nothing but a bastard! A contollly-controlling, lying bastard!” Harry had sat up, spilling the Merlot across his plate and in his lap.
“And you are nothing but a weak-spined, frigid, Victorian prince who thinks that the world still wants him to play victim!” Draco stood and sneered down at Harry. “The position of Martyr has closed. You will have to find a new career.”
“I was! You took it away from me!”
“I took nothing from you!” Draco slammed his chair back and walked away. “You’re pathetic, Harry. You always have been.”
“Don’t walk away from me!” Harry screeched, kicking his own chair back and over and marching after his husband. “You always walk away and think you are so much more superior! Well, you’re not!”
Draco spun and met him at the bottom of the stairs. “And you are? You, who are drunk most of your life? Who is a mess and likes to pretend that all his troubles are my fault?”
“Gods, I hate you! Talk about being a- a martyr! You did ruin my life! You know you did!”
“Yes, and everyone else did too, right, Harry?” Draco answered patronizingly. “It’s always somebody else’s fault!”
“You killed him!”
Everything went silent except for Harry’s heavy breathing and the sound the banister made as it groaned under the task of holding Harry up. Draco came down from the step he had climbed and faced Harry straight on. “Shut up.”
“No! You killed him! He was mine and you took him away!” Harry screamed. Draco grabbed him by the arms in a bruising grip and hauled him into the sitting room. Shoving him on the couch, Draco turned away.
“I’m going to bed,” he gritted out between his clenched teeth. “I suggest you sleep it off.”
“Don’t walk away from me! You murderer!” Harry scrambled to his feet as Draco turned sharply back around.
“Sit the fuck down,” he yelled. “You are a drunk, Harry! Just sit the fuck down and shut up!”
“No! I want you to admit it! Admit it! You hated him! You wanted nothing to do with him! You planned it all!” Harry shouted, waving his hands and finally throwing the glass he had been carrying. The liquid it had held had already splashed the floor and had stained his clothes since leaving the table. Now the glass went sailing at Draco who neatly dodged the wild throw and then charged after Harry. Harry was shoved hard back into the sofa.
“Sit down!”
“Bastard! Murderer!” Harry accused, fighting valiantly to right himself, glaring wildly up into Draco’s reddening face. “I want you to admit it!”
“Shut up! You’re drunk! Just shut up and stay down!” Draco spun away but his shirt was grabbed from behind. “Harry, let me go. You need to sleep it off and I need to get the hell out of here. This fucking house is sucking away my life!” Draco wrenched away and he heard Harry fall to the ground.
“It’s sucking away your life?!” Harry shouted. “You stole mine! You stole it away from me! Everything is gone because of you!” Draco turned back and saw Harry sitting on the floor, his back against the furniture, hands fisted in his lap. “I hate you! I wish you had never come back into my life!”
“I assure you that I regret that moment more than anything,” Draco hissed.
“He was mine.” Harry’s voice had dropped and his eyes had become wet. “You killed him! I know you did!”
Draco snarled and whirled away. “Go sleep it off.”
“Why won’t you admit it?” Harry yelled and heaved himself to his feet once again. “I know you did it! You were ashamed of him. You wanted him to disappear! Just admit it!”
“Fine!” Draco spun around and shouted. “Fine, I admit it! He was a bloody fucking mess! A mistake! But you will not blame it all on me, Harry!”
Harry laughed and sobbed at the same time. “I knew it!” he crowed with an accusing finger pointed at Draco. “An abomination, right? You called him a regret!”
“You fucking drunk! I said it was regretful, I didn’t say anything about him!”
“You didn’t have to! I saw it! You hated him! You hated me!”
“I’m not doing this with you, Harry,” Draco suddenly said, shaking his head and lowering his voice. “You are beyond making or understanding sense. I’m leaving.”
Harry lunged at Draco and grabbed him by a fistful of shirt. “You always run away! Coward!” The green eyes were almost glowing in anger and madness.
“I am not running away! I am getting the fuck away from you! I would have no problem having a discussion with you while sober, but you rarely seem to be in that stage, are you?”
“You told me to! You told me to do it! You taught me which liquors were the best!”
“To ease the pain of a war wound! Three years ago! Don’t you dare try to blame your drinking problem on me, as well!”
“I don’t blame you for anything but for what you did!”
“Let go of me,” Draco said darkly. “Now.”
“No! Not until you tell me why! Why did you kill him?”
Draco shoved Harry hard to the ground and stood over him, breathing heavily. “I didn’t fucking kill him! I should have you committed, you know that? You’re insane!” Draco turned but was brought down to the floor as well, by a well placed kick to the back of his knee. He lay sprawled for a moment, staring into the rug under him. One breath, then two and then he got up on his knees to face Harry in a similar position. “I’m done. I’m leaving, Harry. I’m done and we are going to end this farce once and for all,” he announced calmly, his hands resting on his knees. Harry’s eyes and face were red and his chest heaved.
“No. You can’t. The people-“
“I don’t give a damn. We have paid into them. We have done our share. More than our share. Now its time to end it,” he answered and began to climb to his feet when Harry’s shout stopped him.
“You can’t! You can’t leave me!”
“Yes, I can. I hope you get help and get better once I’m gone.”
Draco got to his feet, shrugging off Harry’s grasping hands and left the room.
A loud crash got Draco’s attention as he finished packing his necessary items. He’d send for the rest. Another crash and the sound of breaking wood made him sigh and walk into the hallway wondering what insanity Harry was committing now. At first he didn’t see anything. Then the small light coming from a room that should never have been opened again had him walking quickly down the hall. He reached the open doorway and saw the splintered wood lying all over the floor. The curtains were shredded and the bedding was strewn about everywhere. Harry stood in the middle of it all, continuing to kick and hack at the remnants of the furniture. His hands, arms, and legs were gashed, even through clothing, and bleeding.
“Harry! What the hell are you doing in here? What have you done?” Draco shouted. Harry faced him and a bloody scrape went down one side of his face from cheek to chin. “You have lost your mind!”
“You… you can’t go! You can’t go and leave me with this! You have to take it! You have to take part of it! He wanted you! I know he did!”
Draco stepped into the destroyed room and moved around a stuffed dragon. “Harry, look at yourself! You have gone mad!”
“No! No, he wants to go with you! He doesn’t want to stay here with just me!”
“Harry, listen to what you are saying! Listen to yourself!” Draco shouted harshly as he grabbed a hold of Harry’s arms and shook him hard. “You’re talking about him as if he were alive!”
“He can’t stay here without you!” Harry cried desperately.
“Harry! He’s dead! Mikah is dead! Stop this!” Draco shook Harry again. “Stop it now!”
Harry crumpled like a rag doll and Draco followed him down to cushion the fall. They sat in what remained of the crib and the bedding and the toys they had excitedly collected. “I …I can’t. Please. Don’t take you away, too,” Harry whispered. “I can’t kill everyone! Please, not everyone. I was careful and made sure to hate you so that you wouldn’t leave. But now you are…”
“Harry, you aren’t making any sense.” For the first time in years, Draco put an arm around his husband. “You haven’t killed anyone. You’re drunk. You just need to go to sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning, like you always do.”
“No. I did. I killed everyone. Everyone I ever cared about. Don’t you see?” Harry cried out, staring intently up into Draco’s face. “I killed Mikah! I made him wrong! I made him wrong and made you kill him!”
“I didn’t kill him! He just… he just wasn’t meant to be,” Draco tried explaining. “You didn’t make him wrong. Nobody did. He just was born that way. It just happens.”
“I was so careful!” Harry seemed to whisper to himself. “I was so careful to keep it all a secret. I didn’t want anyone to know he was on the way. If they knew I was happy they’d try to take him away. But it still happened.”
“Harry! Nobody took him away! He just… he just was born too early, too vulnerable. I told you! I was holding him and his breathing just stopped. I did everything I could and called for help. But… he just slipped away. You heard what the healer said. He was just too overwhelmed. His body couldn’t handle the magic around him. It happens. It’s nobody’s fault. I didn’t kill him!”
Harry looked back up at Draco. “You didn’t want him. You hated him!”
“No, I didn’t! I was sad, yes. It was regrettable that he was born a Squib. But I only worried about his future! All the disadvantages he would have. But never once did I want my own child’s death!”
“I did.”
Draco stopped and stared. “What?”
“I did.” Harry looked away and gazed at the soft peach walls. “I knew the world would look down on him. He would be pitied and compared to us. They would find him lacking in everything, no matter what. I knew it and knew he would have been better off not born. And then it happened. I killed him.”
Draco’ s entire body slumped. “Fuck,” he whispered. “Why didn’t you ever tell me this? Why didn’t you tell me what you were…?”
“I killed him and now you are leaving. Just like Hermione, Ron, my parents, Dumbledore, Sirius. Now everyone is gone.” Harry’s voice was completely emotionless. He seemed to be staring at nothing now. Or perhaps the ghosts he had named.
Draco cleared his throat roughly. “No. Harry, you didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t kill Mikah and you aren’t responsible for anyone else’s death. How many times do we have to go over this? It was a war! People die in war. People can’t handle it and just check out after a war, Granger and Weasley will come back. And Mikah… Harry, your thoughts were fine. What parent wouldn’t wish that their child not have to endure any pain? You didn’t kill him. I was the one holding him, right? You were in bed! You didn’t kill him!” Harry shook his head and remained silent, his face blank. Draco shook him again. “Harry! Look at me!” Draco didn’t wait for his compliance and moved Harry’s head to face him. “If you had told me all of this sooner, two years ago even, I could have told you that everything was fine!”
“Nothing’s fine now.”
Draco stopped at those soft words. “No. Nothing’s fine now. But… Fuck. Yeah, nothing’s fine now! But that doesn’t mean we can’t fix it! Right? We just have to remember the reason we fell in love with each other. It was your stubbornness and courage that won me over about you. Don’t let it leave you now!”
Harry’s eyes seemed to flicker with something and he finally seemed to focus on Draco’s face. “I.. I don’t want you to leave me now.”
“Then stop with the drowning in liquor!”
“Don’t go to the whores!”
“Fine. I won’t!”
“Fine. Me neither!”
Both stared at each other and both seemed to realize at the same instant that they were nearly hugging each other. For an awkward moment it seemed they would pull away, but then Draco sighed and hauled Harry against him. Harry tensed and then relaxed into an embrace he hadn’t felt in longer than he could remember.
“I miss him. I wanted him to be here,” Harry murmured.
“Me too.” A pause. “Will you get a grave marker for him now?”
Harry nodded against the shoulder under his cheek. “I’m sorry, Draco. I… I just…”
“Yeah. Running?”
“Yeah.”
Draco nodded in understanding and then pulled away. “Take another drink and I’ll hit you like I’ve been wanting to for a long time.”
“Go to another whore house and I’ll cut your prick off!”
Draco smiled and hesitantly leaned forward. He waited and Harry moved the last of the way and they shared a chaste kiss. It was odd, but fulfilling and just right for them. It was a good start back.
The End