(no subject)
so maybe i'm crazy, but i feel like my life is starting. or like i'm waking up finally, or finally taking control.
i decided not to ask my dad for money anymore. and i know that once upon a time, i loved being busy--insanely busy, where i always had a purpose, a goal, something to do. it made me feel alive. it made when i actually had time to relax actually feel relaxing.
and so i've decided to go back to that. i sometimes love stress because then you know that something matters to you. i'm not saying i won't have time for friends, because that's all part of the (good) stress. i'm taking this opportunity to stop being so blindly priviledged and get to work.
so i'm looking into getting a second job at this point. i work at convergys from 645am to 315pm five days a week--full time. i also applied at macy's giftwrap in christina's store part time, like three nights a week, somewhere like 4 or 5 pm to close. and then next month, i'll be at rollins mondays and wednesdays pretty much all day in class, evenings at the writing center. and i'm going to handle all this with stellar grades, a cheerful attitude, and improvement on my relationship issues.
i'm really good at excuses and lies. not anymore. i want to be someone i'm not yet--someone i used to be--and this feels like the truest path to her. dr phelan said most people can't handle a full time job with more than two classes. well, here goes nothing: i'm going to have one full time job, two part time jobs, five classes and a creative social life. and then i will graduate and go to law school (yeah, we're back to that) and it'll be a great school and i'll rock that place out, too. and i'm not worried about it at all.
i'm ready.
and, in that vein, i'm finally admitting what's wrong with me with guys (though i'm not typing it all up, mind you) and i'm just gonna say it: i'm tired of being alone. and so with that, even though it's scary, i'm writing him a letter about how i haven't been acting like myself and i meant to. and then i'm going to talk to him until he's tired of me. and then i will talk to him some more. and take things from there.
i don't want to end up like any of the guys i've known, and i don't want him to either. wish me luck.
i decided not to ask my dad for money anymore. and i know that once upon a time, i loved being busy--insanely busy, where i always had a purpose, a goal, something to do. it made me feel alive. it made when i actually had time to relax actually feel relaxing.
and so i've decided to go back to that. i sometimes love stress because then you know that something matters to you. i'm not saying i won't have time for friends, because that's all part of the (good) stress. i'm taking this opportunity to stop being so blindly priviledged and get to work.
so i'm looking into getting a second job at this point. i work at convergys from 645am to 315pm five days a week--full time. i also applied at macy's giftwrap in christina's store part time, like three nights a week, somewhere like 4 or 5 pm to close. and then next month, i'll be at rollins mondays and wednesdays pretty much all day in class, evenings at the writing center. and i'm going to handle all this with stellar grades, a cheerful attitude, and improvement on my relationship issues.
i'm really good at excuses and lies. not anymore. i want to be someone i'm not yet--someone i used to be--and this feels like the truest path to her. dr phelan said most people can't handle a full time job with more than two classes. well, here goes nothing: i'm going to have one full time job, two part time jobs, five classes and a creative social life. and then i will graduate and go to law school (yeah, we're back to that) and it'll be a great school and i'll rock that place out, too. and i'm not worried about it at all.
i'm ready.
and, in that vein, i'm finally admitting what's wrong with me with guys (though i'm not typing it all up, mind you) and i'm just gonna say it: i'm tired of being alone. and so with that, even though it's scary, i'm writing him a letter about how i haven't been acting like myself and i meant to. and then i'm going to talk to him until he's tired of me. and then i will talk to him some more. and take things from there.
i don't want to end up like any of the guys i've known, and i don't want him to either. wish me luck.