NOW MY FEELINGS
if i havent kept u updated.my dad left my mum for his best mates wife (aka slapper)
Since we are all doing the whole getting our thoughts and feelings things out, i thought why not join the club.
Out of this whole situation do u want to know what i feel... hurt, more hurt than anything else.
BEcause i find out that the "your father will love u always and unconditionally" saying is bullshit.your fathers love has conditions and you are the worst for it.all my life i feel u have only ever loved me when u felt like it and as soon as i showed resistance to you that would stop and ever single time it hurt worst than anything else, do u know what it feels like to think that the person that helped bring you into the world doesnt love you , do u know what that does to a persons self estem and confidence.I cannot trust anyone at all because of it cos im scared that they will just snatch their love away just like you did.
Do you know i can only remember one time you ever saying that u loved me and were proud of me was when all of us went to the rose show ages ago and you and i walked around and u had your arm around me, but the next week you were yelling and arguing with me over stupid shit, the reason i did half the stuff was because of u, i went to invercargill to get away from you, i stayed there to be away from you, i moved out to get away from you, one day u can be nice as pie but then id worry how long will it last, i knew sumthing was up the day of the funeral ,you were being way to nice, i knew sumthing was cuming
DO u want to know why i said to you that u were poisoning the boys minds and to get out of their lives? Because im jelous. everytime i have seen mum upset i have been tempted to go to the boys and tell them what i think but i dont because mum always says " i want the boys to have a good relationship with their father". But im selfish and jelous because they get to have the relationship with you that i never had.
At least something great has come of this my realtionship with mum has improved drasticlly , but im hearing alot the boys dont , which is great to finally know whats gonig on,but to see ...
Things are different between a father and his children, the boys will understand that when they are older, my father did very little with us when we were growing up, I do 10 times more than Dad ever did but I have absolutely no doubt he loved and still loves me unconditionally, the boys will see that. Fraser has told me almost every day the last month that he loves me, we even have txt games about it, it has meant a great deal to me during a time I have been feeling pretty scabby about myself and I'll never forget it. Hamish and Lachie are different animals but Im sure they know I love them deeply and will appreciate it more as time goes on.
funnily enuff no mention of your ONLY daughter.its seems the boys are your only kids.
thats why i dont want anything to do with you ever again , you have hurt me one to many times,too many times ive lied in bed crying for the kind of father i wished i had ,the times ive needed you but you were to busy being pissed off at me to be there,its just not worth it to me anymore. you arnt worth it.But i now have the support of mum you will never ever have another daughter iam it sorry,u were never a father to me, and i will suppose the boys will soon find out for themselves what kind of father you really are. but u have susan in your life she will be the only women in your life from now on, because you are no longer my father or my dad , to me now your just sum guy who donated sperm and was never around
good bye
- these were all emails that were sent out
Since we are all doing the whole getting our thoughts and feelings things out, i thought why not join the club.
Out of this whole situation do u want to know what i feel... hurt, more hurt than anything else.
BEcause i find out that the "your father will love u always and unconditionally" saying is bullshit.your fathers love has conditions and you are the worst for it.all my life i feel u have only ever loved me when u felt like it and as soon as i showed resistance to you that would stop and ever single time it hurt worst than anything else, do u know what it feels like to think that the person that helped bring you into the world doesnt love you , do u know what that does to a persons self estem and confidence.I cannot trust anyone at all because of it cos im scared that they will just snatch their love away just like you did.
Do you know i can only remember one time you ever saying that u loved me and were proud of me was when all of us went to the rose show ages ago and you and i walked around and u had your arm around me, but the next week you were yelling and arguing with me over stupid shit, the reason i did half the stuff was because of u, i went to invercargill to get away from you, i stayed there to be away from you, i moved out to get away from you, one day u can be nice as pie but then id worry how long will it last, i knew sumthing was up the day of the funeral ,you were being way to nice, i knew sumthing was cuming
DO u want to know why i said to you that u were poisoning the boys minds and to get out of their lives? Because im jelous. everytime i have seen mum upset i have been tempted to go to the boys and tell them what i think but i dont because mum always says " i want the boys to have a good relationship with their father". But im selfish and jelous because they get to have the relationship with you that i never had.
At least something great has come of this my realtionship with mum has improved drasticlly , but im hearing alot the boys dont , which is great to finally know whats gonig on,but to see ...
Things are different between a father and his children, the boys will understand that when they are older, my father did very little with us when we were growing up, I do 10 times more than Dad ever did but I have absolutely no doubt he loved and still loves me unconditionally, the boys will see that. Fraser has told me almost every day the last month that he loves me, we even have txt games about it, it has meant a great deal to me during a time I have been feeling pretty scabby about myself and I'll never forget it. Hamish and Lachie are different animals but Im sure they know I love them deeply and will appreciate it more as time goes on.
funnily enuff no mention of your ONLY daughter.its seems the boys are your only kids.
thats why i dont want anything to do with you ever again , you have hurt me one to many times,too many times ive lied in bed crying for the kind of father i wished i had ,the times ive needed you but you were to busy being pissed off at me to be there,its just not worth it to me anymore. you arnt worth it.But i now have the support of mum you will never ever have another daughter iam it sorry,u were never a father to me, and i will suppose the boys will soon find out for themselves what kind of father you really are. but u have susan in your life she will be the only women in your life from now on, because you are no longer my father or my dad , to me now your just sum guy who donated sperm and was never around
good bye
- these were all emails that were sent out