rollercoaster... (ooh woo hoo hoo)
Up and down and crazy and assed up is how it's been lately. Things just keep ... going, somehow.
So I've been working on this big project transfer. And there are these documents that are being processed that, between yesterday and the day before, I found important mistakes in (and they were my mistakes), and the Development guy found mistakes in (that weren't as important but were still mine). So I spent yesterday talking to all kinds of people to try to figure out how to fix things. It ended up that I had to send the Development guy copies of the documents with changes highlighted in red, and he took them down to the Documentation people in California and sat with them until they were finished. What a mess. There was a point yesterday where I was ready to drop the project. But now it seems to be ... OK-ish.
Last night I went for a walk. (Switched from MWF this week to MTR because of trips and Chris coming home.) I was so dead when I got home that instead of cleaning, I went to sleep at 9.30. I was on the phone with Chris, and I told him that I haven't cleaned all week since he's been gone, and he was gracious enough not to get outwardly mad, but I could tell he wanted to. I do feel really bad about it, and especially about prioritizing my "fitness" ambitions over cleaning the house for guests, but at the same time, I very likely wouldn't have cleaned last night even if I hadn't gone walking. I still feel bad, but at least it's a more rested bad. So at least I can help clean tonight.
I've been suffering for a long time from problematic exhaustion. I get so tired when I get done work that I fight to not fall asleep on the way home. On the 11 mile trip home. That's pathetic, even in Jersey traffic. Chris gets frustrated because I'm always so tired when I get home. I don't sleep well at night, I can barely keep it together during the day, and then it gets to be 10 pm and I don't want to go to bed. It's been better (slightly) now that I've been exercising, but I don't want to be the person who doesn't do anything because they're too tired all the time anymore. I want to have fun, I want to have friends that I get to see, and I want to feel like I have time to do everything I want to do AND everything I have to do. I don't get to spend time with my man anymore, because what little time we have is usually spent doing other shit. I don't remember the last time we had a whole day where all we did was be with each other, without worrying about something or needing to be somewhere or being responsible for doing something. I want that feeling back. That feeling where I don't care what I do or when or where, as long as I have my sweetie with me, because then all is right with the world.
I need a vacation.
It doesn't help that my mind thinks it's Thursday. At least Chris comes home today, so I have that to look forward to. :)
So I've been working on this big project transfer. And there are these documents that are being processed that, between yesterday and the day before, I found important mistakes in (and they were my mistakes), and the Development guy found mistakes in (that weren't as important but were still mine). So I spent yesterday talking to all kinds of people to try to figure out how to fix things. It ended up that I had to send the Development guy copies of the documents with changes highlighted in red, and he took them down to the Documentation people in California and sat with them until they were finished. What a mess. There was a point yesterday where I was ready to drop the project. But now it seems to be ... OK-ish.
Last night I went for a walk. (Switched from MWF this week to MTR because of trips and Chris coming home.) I was so dead when I got home that instead of cleaning, I went to sleep at 9.30. I was on the phone with Chris, and I told him that I haven't cleaned all week since he's been gone, and he was gracious enough not to get outwardly mad, but I could tell he wanted to. I do feel really bad about it, and especially about prioritizing my "fitness" ambitions over cleaning the house for guests, but at the same time, I very likely wouldn't have cleaned last night even if I hadn't gone walking. I still feel bad, but at least it's a more rested bad. So at least I can help clean tonight.
I've been suffering for a long time from problematic exhaustion. I get so tired when I get done work that I fight to not fall asleep on the way home. On the 11 mile trip home. That's pathetic, even in Jersey traffic. Chris gets frustrated because I'm always so tired when I get home. I don't sleep well at night, I can barely keep it together during the day, and then it gets to be 10 pm and I don't want to go to bed. It's been better (slightly) now that I've been exercising, but I don't want to be the person who doesn't do anything because they're too tired all the time anymore. I want to have fun, I want to have friends that I get to see, and I want to feel like I have time to do everything I want to do AND everything I have to do. I don't get to spend time with my man anymore, because what little time we have is usually spent doing other shit. I don't remember the last time we had a whole day where all we did was be with each other, without worrying about something or needing to be somewhere or being responsible for doing something. I want that feeling back. That feeling where I don't care what I do or when or where, as long as I have my sweetie with me, because then all is right with the world.
I need a vacation.
It doesn't help that my mind thinks it's Thursday. At least Chris comes home today, so I have that to look forward to. :)