updatey
we went down to see my folks after school yesterday. wound up staying the night, and so we just got home.
when i saw my grandfather on saturday, it was ... daunting. his heart rate was very high (in the 150s on average), his blood pressure was low (100/70ish), most of his breathing was on the ventilator... so many tubes, and wires (and careful notes! :P), and bandages, and blankets... i was afraid to touch him. my dad warned me, so i was prepared and didn't get too scared when i saw him, but it was scary. he was washed out, very pale and very haggard looking. you could tell that all this was extremely stressful for him. he, of course, was knocked out with sedatives, but there was still much conversation to be had, what with 15 of us there at one point in the evening. he was swollen, because they'd increased his fluids and nutrition to try to help raise his blood pressure.
one of the other beds in the ICU was occupied by a woman who had attempted suicide. they had her on comfort care only; apparently she'd been there for a while, because my folks had spoken with the family several times, and by the time i got there they were counting the time in hours. when i got there today she was no longer there.
today we all noticed a marked improvement. he had a good night, the second in a row, and he's stabilizing. his heart rate is down, his blood pressure is up. he's back to needing his blood thinners, which is actually a good sign (he's going back to where he was before, which was on coumadin). his white cell count is down, which is also good -- the infection is subsiding. they have the ventilator down to 10 breaths per minute, and his monitor was reading 20 or so, which means he was breathing on his own a lot of the time. most importantly to me at least, he looked like himself. like a sleeping-uncomfortably-for-a-long-time version of himself, but himself nonetheless. his color is back much closer to normal, he was warm. still swollen, and his hands are softer than a farmer's hands should ever be. but it's my grandfather in there. i held his hand for a good two hours today -- it calms him to know that his family is there. they don't let him be unsedated for more than a few minutes a day, so i haven't seen him be responsive yet, but i know he's in there.
it's so hard to watch a completely silent coughing fit, though. i don't know how that works, but i just don't know enough about all the things that are hooked up to him. but even the coughing is good -- he's clearing out his lungs.
i don't think i ever mentioned why he was in there in the first place. he had double pneumonia (infection and fluid in both lungs) when he went in, and apparently he developed sepsis while he was in the hospital. they think they're going to wean him off the ventilator between tomorrow and tuesday, which will help. they're going to put him in rehab before sending him home, which is also good because they'll limit his activity and his exposure to the weather, which has been quite cold and harsh this week.
it was hard as hell to leave, though. i didn't want to. i want him to be ok now. i know he will be, though. but i want it now. i want my grandpop back. i'm scared.
my family is amazing. all of them. they pull together so well, and so quickly. and it's been hard on everyone. i don't know how my grandmother is doing it. i mean, i know how, because i handle things the same way, but it can't be easy on a 75-year-old woman to go through this.
i'm so glad i have oh_chris. the same way my grandfather has my grandmother.
thank you all for your support. it's not easy. it's not going to be easy. but i'm glad i have you all.
when i saw my grandfather on saturday, it was ... daunting. his heart rate was very high (in the 150s on average), his blood pressure was low (100/70ish), most of his breathing was on the ventilator... so many tubes, and wires (and careful notes! :P), and bandages, and blankets... i was afraid to touch him. my dad warned me, so i was prepared and didn't get too scared when i saw him, but it was scary. he was washed out, very pale and very haggard looking. you could tell that all this was extremely stressful for him. he, of course, was knocked out with sedatives, but there was still much conversation to be had, what with 15 of us there at one point in the evening. he was swollen, because they'd increased his fluids and nutrition to try to help raise his blood pressure.
one of the other beds in the ICU was occupied by a woman who had attempted suicide. they had her on comfort care only; apparently she'd been there for a while, because my folks had spoken with the family several times, and by the time i got there they were counting the time in hours. when i got there today she was no longer there.
today we all noticed a marked improvement. he had a good night, the second in a row, and he's stabilizing. his heart rate is down, his blood pressure is up. he's back to needing his blood thinners, which is actually a good sign (he's going back to where he was before, which was on coumadin). his white cell count is down, which is also good -- the infection is subsiding. they have the ventilator down to 10 breaths per minute, and his monitor was reading 20 or so, which means he was breathing on his own a lot of the time. most importantly to me at least, he looked like himself. like a sleeping-uncomfortably-for-a-long-time version of himself, but himself nonetheless. his color is back much closer to normal, he was warm. still swollen, and his hands are softer than a farmer's hands should ever be. but it's my grandfather in there. i held his hand for a good two hours today -- it calms him to know that his family is there. they don't let him be unsedated for more than a few minutes a day, so i haven't seen him be responsive yet, but i know he's in there.
it's so hard to watch a completely silent coughing fit, though. i don't know how that works, but i just don't know enough about all the things that are hooked up to him. but even the coughing is good -- he's clearing out his lungs.
i don't think i ever mentioned why he was in there in the first place. he had double pneumonia (infection and fluid in both lungs) when he went in, and apparently he developed sepsis while he was in the hospital. they think they're going to wean him off the ventilator between tomorrow and tuesday, which will help. they're going to put him in rehab before sending him home, which is also good because they'll limit his activity and his exposure to the weather, which has been quite cold and harsh this week.
it was hard as hell to leave, though. i didn't want to. i want him to be ok now. i know he will be, though. but i want it now. i want my grandpop back. i'm scared.
my family is amazing. all of them. they pull together so well, and so quickly. and it's been hard on everyone. i don't know how my grandmother is doing it. i mean, i know how, because i handle things the same way, but it can't be easy on a 75-year-old woman to go through this.
i'm so glad i have oh_chris. the same way my grandfather has my grandmother.
thank you all for your support. it's not easy. it's not going to be easy. but i'm glad i have you all.