cranky and sick again

[lazylipstick]

i apologize for not writing more in here. i've got a cold and bit of a fever. yes me the fevewr queen. i also got up too early. alli wantis cupcakes.

i'm still awaiting some packages.

got new job baby sitting. 20 dollars aweek.

tracy's current girlfriend is tryingto be my friend.

she gave me suicidal tendencies with my favourite song institutionalized.

and marilyn manson lest we forget.

so far so good.

i'm feel pissy.

my batroom needs some serious cleaning. and i hope lyndsi doesn't try to shirk this one.

my toilet is semi clogged. and i will de-clog it soon. i just feel pissy.

almost emotional.

good things.

i'm looking pretty good.
mentally i'm weeding out people in my life that have no bestinterest in me.

i have made some really good friends.

unfortunately they are all far away. still can't find my phone card.

need to get anew one.

i hope i feel better before i work thursday.

damn i think i will get something sweet and something to drink.

i feel gross.

new updates

well i am smaller. all though my poundage says otherwise. my docotr suspects i'm losing fat gaining muscle.

i'd believe it. i can now take short walks to the store.

and i've been belly dancing.
i got my nipples peirced and my hair has pink ends.

i need to redo them.

looks liek i'll be moving soon.

i'm very excitedabout this.and a little nervous.

i want my packages damn it.

i've been distancing myself from raja. she only calls when she wants something.

so she cops this abusive mother attitude at me for calling her liek friends do.

i listen to all her boyfriend gut rot.

i simply want to have someone to talk to.

so she's holding my cd and my dvd hostage.

i really don't care. i'm about to buy it for myself.
and let her keep it.

then that will be the end.

currently i am in no kind of relationship

not phone sex , no im lovers no real life partners.

and i'm happy.

i guess this new body coming together is causing me to love myself.

although iw ish i could get rid of this cold.

another thing is i've been drinking a little more than i used to.

a few times have actually been fun.

last night i drank black velvet for the first time since i hung with richard.

eeeew

i hate whisky.

i like vodka so much better.

and wine unless its expensive is just rot gut.

so my bloodfetish has decreased with a concious effort to not want to cut anymore. no promises. but i seruosly don't care about it anymore.

along with this new body image i'm seriously thinking boob job.

either breast lift or implants. porbably the former.

i also want some work odone on my face.

a few scars i want gone.

i worry about it because i scar so easily.

anyway. i was very proud of myself

wore high heels for the who le day wednesday.

nwo i'm wearing my pj's.

been enjoying my pj lately. maybe the nudist is just getting cold.

i remember i used to get into the halloween spirit. now i really don't give a toss.

maybe wheni get into my new house i will for next year.

ugh i should go back to bed or eat some pears. something to get this ass awakened.

the ageplay comes and go. it's kind of hard to be a an adult littlgirl
when yo have no daddy.

whichis fine by me.

i've been wanting to be more grown up. although the j-fashion is like a teen passion.

i've bought so much kawaii stuff.

the cuter the better.

bought myself some new sexy clothes.

almost bought some new shoes.

liek i need any.

i guessi just don't have time for bullshit anymore.

i waste my li fe being miserable kissing other peoples asses. who do absolutely nothing for me.

i've never been more firendless rightnow.

and i guess i don't really care.

this woman isn't thru yet.

just beginning to come to fruition. at 36.

everything that has kicked me around for the last two and half years. has toughened me up some.

my mom wants me to visit for christmas. i don't knwo if i will.

fuck this shit i'm getting some sweets.

enough for now.