(no subject)
I started writing this book four year ago I was just as silly and I am now, just as obsessed with some one some love i think i deserve but don't know how to earn, just as insecure when i look at myself, more able to hide it now and better at making friends, i've had more lovers and am less judgmental or better at hiding that too... I think i know what people want and i decide whether i want to please them or not i am more invested in this life that was previously forsaken, that faking turned into making something out of myself when i thought i was useless it was easier to believe this is meaningless but as i find more things to love there are more reasons to keep it going and i am pretty sure i don't take enough advantage of my mind in seeking out the things that make this life more but i rationalise with my personal philosophy so how i live is the best way i could even though i want to burn the trail behind me and forget that embarrassment that growth gives you for your past and if i could decorate my room over and over again with mementos and beautiful symbols of my loves in life and tears hang around saying dont forget this painful truth of ohhhh fuck it