marriage proposal, take six
yesterday i counted, and can remember six different guys who have asked me to marry them. granted, some were less sincere than others, but all involved some type of jewelry, at least. from fruit loops and twisted paper clips to real rings, i'm flattered, but not convinced.
then there are my friends, people my age or younger, who are married or they just have a kid. fuck, WE are still kids. oh my God, i can't even begin to fathom. i know we're not kids, but holy crap, to have an actual other person living and growing inside you, to have that obligation for the rest of your life. my stomach is upset just thinking about it.
i don't think i can be normal that way. i don't think i want to be. i'm a perfectionist, and if it isn't perfect with them i really don't think i could handle it. i want them never to be hurt, never to know complete and udder sadness, never betrayed by the ones they have the most faith in, never deceived, never the constant fear and second-guessing of their own self worth. and all of that will never happen. i can't do it for me, how can i do it for you?
i don't know what my point is, maybe i'm just scared. i don't know of what or why. i've said no five times and maybe once and quite frankly, kids creep me out. they're like toys i'm more than likely to be bored with after a week, especially toys that require serious work.
and he asks me why i'm cynical and stubborn! and i laughed in his face and said why not. "who has broken you?" ouch, that hurt. and i thought and answered with another question: who hasn't? "i'm not like that." i've heard that one before, how are you different? "i just am." the only difference i see is that you are a persistent son of bitch, the likes of which i haven't seen in years. "i want to kiss you right here in front of all these people, i don't care who sees." that doesn't prove much, i want romance and you want a boner. "i want you to sit here so i can be romantic with you." i would rather stand. "where's the ring? we're going to get married because i love you, because you bring meaning to my life." are you kidding me? i'm pretty sure i've heard all that in a movie before.
every time i see a bird, i pray that God would have turned me into one. with my luck, i probably would have been an ostrich...
then there are my friends, people my age or younger, who are married or they just have a kid. fuck, WE are still kids. oh my God, i can't even begin to fathom. i know we're not kids, but holy crap, to have an actual other person living and growing inside you, to have that obligation for the rest of your life. my stomach is upset just thinking about it.
i don't think i can be normal that way. i don't think i want to be. i'm a perfectionist, and if it isn't perfect with them i really don't think i could handle it. i want them never to be hurt, never to know complete and udder sadness, never betrayed by the ones they have the most faith in, never deceived, never the constant fear and second-guessing of their own self worth. and all of that will never happen. i can't do it for me, how can i do it for you?
i don't know what my point is, maybe i'm just scared. i don't know of what or why. i've said no five times and maybe once and quite frankly, kids creep me out. they're like toys i'm more than likely to be bored with after a week, especially toys that require serious work.
and he asks me why i'm cynical and stubborn! and i laughed in his face and said why not. "who has broken you?" ouch, that hurt. and i thought and answered with another question: who hasn't? "i'm not like that." i've heard that one before, how are you different? "i just am." the only difference i see is that you are a persistent son of bitch, the likes of which i haven't seen in years. "i want to kiss you right here in front of all these people, i don't care who sees." that doesn't prove much, i want romance and you want a boner. "i want you to sit here so i can be romantic with you." i would rather stand. "where's the ring? we're going to get married because i love you, because you bring meaning to my life." are you kidding me? i'm pretty sure i've heard all that in a movie before.
every time i see a bird, i pray that God would have turned me into one. with my luck, i probably would have been an ostrich...