MOVING!
I'm moving again. Back up north. To San Jose. (Maybe Los Gatos or Saratoga. It's all really the same.)
I was reading over my LJ entries for the past year and a half. It was interesting. This entry (friends-locked) really... gets me. I feel like it was some of my best writing. Maybe all good writing comes from places filled with turmoil. I sent hampsterstyle a link to it.
hampsterstyle: "I wish there were easy answers. I wish I could have my cake and eat it too. "
hampsterstyle: the cake is a lie btw ;P
If you don't know about "The cake is a lie", you should get The Orange Box. Play Portal.
But he's right; the cake IS a lie.
So much has happened in this past year. I turned 30. I found and lost what I thought was a great job. (I guess the job still is great--it's the company that has lost its luster.) Now I'm moving with a new boyfriend back to the city where we first met, almost 10 years ago.
I've searched my diaries, looking for an entry that would tell me the date when we met, but I haven't found it. It was in January or February of 1998. Three guys walked into the room at a party I was at. 10 years later, I'm finally going out with the right one. (Not that there's anything the matter with the other two--they just weren't right for me.)
I'm scared to move back to San Jose. It has the air of running away. Fleeing home with my tail between my legs. Is that what I'm doing? I'm trying to be honest with myself. I don't think so. I have to admit that since SO MUCH has gone wrong ever since I decided to move down here, I am at least partly convinced that these are all signs I'm not where I should be. I will miss the beautiful weather, but really, that's not a good enough reason to stay somewhere. (Though I do think crappy weather is a good enough reason to LEAVE somewhere. LOL)
I think I'm also scared in part because I have found someone that I think I want to spend my life with. And that's scary. But wonderfully so. I still don't know what I'm going to do with my life after I move. I guess I'll look for more jobs in the game industry. Though I am (as always) thinking of going back to school. For programming. It could be fun. I liked that part of my job.
But I think right now I'll keep listening to this song over and over, remembering a night not so long ago (yet an eternity ago), smiling and thinking about what could be. (And maybe I'll knit or bake some melonpan.)
I was reading over my LJ entries for the past year and a half. It was interesting. This entry (friends-locked) really... gets me. I feel like it was some of my best writing. Maybe all good writing comes from places filled with turmoil. I sent hampsterstyle a link to it.
hampsterstyle: "I wish there were easy answers. I wish I could have my cake and eat it too. "
hampsterstyle: the cake is a lie btw ;P
If you don't know about "The cake is a lie", you should get The Orange Box. Play Portal.
But he's right; the cake IS a lie.
So much has happened in this past year. I turned 30. I found and lost what I thought was a great job. (I guess the job still is great--it's the company that has lost its luster.) Now I'm moving with a new boyfriend back to the city where we first met, almost 10 years ago.
I've searched my diaries, looking for an entry that would tell me the date when we met, but I haven't found it. It was in January or February of 1998. Three guys walked into the room at a party I was at. 10 years later, I'm finally going out with the right one. (Not that there's anything the matter with the other two--they just weren't right for me.)
I'm scared to move back to San Jose. It has the air of running away. Fleeing home with my tail between my legs. Is that what I'm doing? I'm trying to be honest with myself. I don't think so. I have to admit that since SO MUCH has gone wrong ever since I decided to move down here, I am at least partly convinced that these are all signs I'm not where I should be. I will miss the beautiful weather, but really, that's not a good enough reason to stay somewhere. (Though I do think crappy weather is a good enough reason to LEAVE somewhere. LOL)
I think I'm also scared in part because I have found someone that I think I want to spend my life with. And that's scary. But wonderfully so. I still don't know what I'm going to do with my life after I move. I guess I'll look for more jobs in the game industry. Though I am (as always) thinking of going back to school. For programming. It could be fun. I liked that part of my job.
But I think right now I'll keep listening to this song over and over, remembering a night not so long ago (yet an eternity ago), smiling and thinking about what could be. (And maybe I'll knit or bake some melonpan.)